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Jealous Girlfriend

I honestly believe she has become tainted by all the abusive relationships that she has been in, but she refuses to talk to me about these relationships.... Mainly because after awhile I get fed up with listening to it and she can tell it upsets me. Another problem is that she is the younger daughter to a starlet and has been love seeking. I know she's not cheating... People only provide the opinion that she may be cheating, but believe me I know she would never do that. She has an appointment with a counselor in a month for a public intox she recently had... So she's not going to take that seriously. Honestly I just want to have her smoke some dmt with me and hopefully she'll see who she really is... Stop the insecurity and begin to love life... As this is what happened my first time on dmt.... I just got a shipment of 2.13 kg of MHRB and I really would appreciate her giving it a try.
 
No offense but are you sure getting her started on drugs when she's clearly noti n the most stable state of mind/not the happiest person in the world right now is a good idea?
Anyway I reiterate, I think therapy would be good for her.
 
Mannnn, it's terrible to put it in this guy's head that she's cheating. Cheating can be a mother fuck and a mind fuck. It's horrible. She just sounds insecure, and while I recognize that cheaters are usually untrusting, I think the OP would know if she was cheating. There's just that gut feeling that gives it away. The cheater usually has a change of habits or personality, and it sounds like she's been insecure for a while.

It sounds like she has some major trust issues. I don't know if drugs would be helpful or hurtful in this case.
 
KavemanCam said:
She's basically limited my use...
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huge red flag...

i don't think she's cheating but, like everybody in slr, i know virtually nothing about her beyond your words about her. taking your posts at face value, she has some insecurities by the sound of it. i suggest that you talk to her about her trust issues and suggest that she get some (professional) help - either together with you or by herself.

alasdair
 
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KavemanCam said:
I've been told by multiple people that she may be cheating, but I refuse to believe this.
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when multiple people tell you she's cheating, it means there's a good chance she's cheating.

if she's incredibly jealous and convinced you'll cheat, it means there's a good chance she's cheating.

no one here can say for sure, but the odds are very much against you.
 
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It's hard maintaining a long distance relationship. I think you should really sit down and have a talk before you go away. I'm dipping my feet into one now, and the only reason why it works for me is because I trust him, we talk every day and because I'm pretty chill even though I wish I could see him every weekend. I miss him though, especially after I have to say goodbye for another couple of weeks.

I am not sure insecure, high strung girls could do it. The hard part is you've said that you've told her you're cool and everything is good and she doesn't believe you. Not sure you can say it any more clear. :D
 
It honestly sounds like you have the problem. You are just as needy which is very bad.
 
No my problem is I try to make others happy and forget myself. I'm very independent.
 
alasdairm said:
^ or codependent?

alasdair
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I was thinking the same thing. There is a book I read one time that changed the way I looked at relationships it's called 'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie. It's a pretty easy read and if you are in or feel you are in a dysfunctional relationship it might help. I have no doubt that the both of you are good people and love each other. But, you may not be the best for each other at this time. That is what you and she have to decide.
 
IMO it doesnt seem like you are happy anymore in the relationship. I think its better if you guys spend time away from each other and date other people. This is the way to see if you guys are really meant for each other or not. Meeting other people will open your mind as to whether it is right to continue the relationship or if there is someone out there who is a better fit for you.
 
Jonnavi said:
IMO it doesnt seem like you are happy anymore in the relationship. I think its better if you guys spend time away from each other and date other people. This is the way to see if you guys are really meant for each other or not. Meeting other people will open your mind as to whether it is right to continue the relationship or if there is someone out there who is a better fit for you.
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Obviously you didn't see that we just got back together off of a 2 year break. she has actually been going to therapy and she has been looking into the air force and we have only been staying together 3-4 nights a week. We text each other occasionally throughout the day cute little messages and I can see her confidence improving and her insecurities fading. I've making it well aware to her that she doesn't have to think so herself but just know that everything I say about her is true and from the heart and she's learning to be more accepting of compliments. She is definitely the girl of my dreams and she's my kind of crazy. I love her and I think we've got something special.
 
KavemanCam said:
I honestly believe she has become tainted by all the abusive relationships that she has been in, but she refuses to talk to me about these relationships.... Mainly because after awhile I get fed up with listening to it and she can tell it upsets me. Another problem is that she is the younger daughter to a starlet and has been love seeking. I know she's not cheating... People only provide the opinion that she may be cheating, but believe me I know she would never do that. She has an appointment with a counselor in a month for a public intox she recently had... So she's not going to take that seriously. Honestly I just want to have her smoke some dmt with me and hopefully she'll see who she really is... Stop the insecurity and begin to love life... As this is what happened my first time on dmt.... I just got a shipment of 2.13 kg of MHRB and I really would appreciate her giving it a try.
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Only on bluelight ffs.

You need to wake up and smell the coffee dude, your girlfriend sounds like she has some serious issues she needs to sort out and so do you. You are in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship and unsurprisingly it's making you both unhappy. Her jealousy is indicative of either intense insecurity, self-obsession and low self-esteem or even worse a guilty conscience (as other have suggested might be the case). You are hung up on fixing her and are indulging in some hardcore people pleasing (or to put it another way, dishonesty). No one in their right mind would do something like cut contact with all other females for no good reason. You are feeding her sickness and she is feeding yours.

Successful and happy relationships are built on a foundation of two content and independently happy people coming together to enrich each others lives over and above the happiness they already have, not trying to rely on each other to feel whole and safe. There are actually three relationships in the relationship between you and your girlfriend; your relationship with yourself, her relationship with herself and your relationship with each other. Unless all of of these are functioning in a healthy manner your partnership will not be successful, and the first two need to be right before the third one can be right. What makes you think you can be good for another person if you can't even be good for yourself?

I'm not saying this to be horrible to you, I'm saying it because you need to take a step back and realise that you are part of a seriously dysfunctional relationship and currently seem to be blind to just how unhealthy some of the behaviour being displayed is. I'm not saying it can never work between you two, but I am saying it will never be successful whilst you're both engaging in these behaviours.
 
Okay, she sounds like my best friend. This girl has been my best friend for 15 years. She is wonderful. She is intelligent, sweet, and beautiful. Even though I see all these things about her she doesn't see them. She is VERY insecure and needy in relationships. Even in our friendship she can be a little needy. She keeps pushing guys away because of her jealously and insecurity. It's weird because I am the exact opposite in relationships and yet we get along really well.
Anyway, some of my friend's insecurity is due to her having been overweight in middle school and high school. Some of it is due to her first boyfriend (her first "love") cheating on her. However, I think it goes a lot deeper than that. She recently started taking an SSRI and it has really helped her. She says that she doesn't get jealous if her BF glances at another girl for instance. I don't know, only time will tell if it will really work for her. But I think in my friends case, she has deep self esteem issues, fear of abandonment and depression. Which make sense if you knew about her upbringing.
So could any of this apply to your girlfriend? Only you know. And do you really want to deal with all of this issues at such a young age when you are joining the military? I know some of the other posters came off as a little harsh but I understand where they were coming from. If your GF can get over this it will probably take a lot of work and a lot of time.
Whatever you decide you sound like a great boyfriend and a very caring person! I wish you both the best.
 
This girl is super model hot and a druggy. Not too intelligent and a master of manipulation. I have always been a people pleaser and she has taught me some things about myself I didn't realize and I appreciate that. I love her, but she's not right for me. I shouldn't have to change sho I am to make someone else happy, even if that happiness feeds my own.


***And $100 says we'll back together in less than a week.
 
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KavemanCam said:
This girl is super model hot and a druggy. Not too intelligent and a master of manipulation. I have always been a people pleaser and she has taught me some things about myself I didn't realize and I appreciate that. I love her, but she's not right for me. I shouldn't have to change sho I am to make someone else happy, even if that happiness feeds my own.


***And $100 says we'll back together in less than a week.
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It's great that you've came around to realizing that she probably isn't the right woman for you. It definitely doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. However, you then post that you think you two will probably get back together. Why do you think this is? Is it because she will contact you and you will feel guilty and give in? Sexual reasons? Is it because you will contact her? Is it because you feel like you can't live without her? A combination of factors? Why can't you just cut off contact? I know it will be difficult but it's probably the best thing right now. Maybe later on the two of you can be friends but not right after you have just broken up. Not with someone as emotionally unstable and manipulative as she is ( from your own description).

When I was 18 to 21 , I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. At first he was wonderful but he slowly became more and more controlling. He was very jealous also and wanted to control how I dressed and who I hung out with. He started isolating me from my family and friends and tried to tear down my self esteem. He eventually became physically abusive and that's when I finally got out. It was hard because he was my first love and I kept thinking he would change or that maybe it was all my fault. But you can't make someone change. Anyway, I told you this story about my past because there was a book I read that helped me when I left him. It's a book about codependent relationships and unhealthy relationships. It's written for women but it would apply to a man also. Just change the wording in your head as you read it. If you're interested PM me. I'll tell you the title.
 
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So we decided to try and communicate more openly with each other and try to avoid talking about things with each other that will upset the other (I.e. my tripping and her past abusive relationships). I could easily break it off with her at any pout. But I really do love and I want to "save" her, if that's the best way to put it. She has a terrible problem with empathy and is very much self absorbed and needs constant attention, but I'm a strong believer in people changing and positive potential in all. And I can see the potential within her. I have a strong feeling this is the real thing. Co-dependency is where relationships thrive. You definitely need to be there for each other. Through thick and thin.
 
Because this issue will come up again and again.
When she says that "you can do better" etc. Its important to let her know that it's your decision and your choice to be with her and that there isn't such thing as "better" when it comes to being in love with someone who brightens your life.
Explain that it's unfair on you and it insinuates that she thinks you have bad taste or judgement.
I have a tendency to push people away, it's because I feel worthless and genuinely believe I can't offer anything to anyone.
It's an insecurity thing but if she know that you being with her is something that's your choice, that you aren't staying with her out of charity, as in you will end it if you can't stand her, and she will do the same.
She's probably scared of you leaving her so she feels pushing you away means that at least she has some control over it.
Pushing people away = self-sabotage, It's not manipulation, it's just what they believe they deserve.
 
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