Opioids IV Dilaudid & IV crack - must stop this before I end up killing myself

[Duke Nukem]

Its really quite unbelievable to me that I'm even in this current situation.. never ever did I think to myself I'd be hooked on strong opiates and crack, let alone beginning with banging them..you look at me and aside from the new grotesque stim acne I've acquired would never guess I'm this deep into addiction hell. Here's a history of my recent drug use


Dilaudid 8mg- start 1 year ago still using to this day. At some point got up to like 30 pills a day... Now I am using no more than 10 a day via IV. With the crack I have been able to significantly reduce the dillies daily amount, not a great trade but better then no reduction... I have experienced a few times now how brutal the WD from these can be and Its truly frightening.

Crack - started about 4 weeks ago. Also began use IV because with me when it comes to drugs I'm either zero nothing or all in full reckless nuclear power 24/7... there's no in between. Use roughly .5 - 2g a day, pretty strong shit. Can't even think how much money I've wasted makes me sick to my stomach and if I wanted to continue this as it currently is I would need to stay working full time and deal crack on the side.. scary to think about. The best part? after only 1 week I managed to OD quite badly and ended up in emergency where I absolutely thought for sure I was a goner. Didn't learn and still like to live on the edge shooting up but I have cut that back and now smoke as well.

So as you can see I'm a fucking dumbass, no need to let me know as I already do. The reason I think this has gotten to be as bad as it got is because I have had such awful shitty luck with many things from late last year and all through this year. Almost never any good news. So I resort to chemical substances for numbing the pain which allows me to cope better with all the bullshit. But I'm setting myself up for disaster and will eventually pay the ultimate price that is obvious. My girlfriend has said we can no longer see eachother until I'm clean because she is a recovering addicts trying to stay clean and my using triggers her badly.

My plan is to start the detox process next week but I'm very worried I won't be strong enough mentally to stick with it. Going cold turkey on both the dillies and crack will require extreme resilience and self control both of which i lack greatly.. so I'm wondering if it would make sense to stop the dillies completely cold turkey, continue with smoking the crack until the opiate WD are manageable, then cold turkey stop the crack. Will try to get myself some benzos to help with all the anxiety this will inevitably cause..

Would appreciate any insight and advice on this. Sorry if I rambled a bit, was kind of venting as I have no one else to share this with.

 

[cdin]

stop the crack for a week first so you are in a better mindset to tackle the opioids, then start titrating out of the habit. Also - i would strongly recommend getting some micron filters if you are going to be IVing pills. the binders are seriously dangerous and can cause stroke, limb loss etc.

 

[morphonorconic]

Man, I’ve known people who find cocaine to be therapeutic and beneficial for coping with opioid withdrawal. I personally find it intolerable.

Sure it’ll help you forget about it for a brief period of time, but the deliverance it offers will pass almost as soon as it begins, and the resulting nightmares symptoms are all but guaranteed to cause a person to resume use of opioids in order to achieve relief.

 

[nznity]

At this rate you have a high chance of catching endocarditis, have a heart attack or abcesses if u miss the coke shots. I lost all of my veins to that shit, chasing a stupid fucking 5 min paranoia. It's fucking retarded, wake up dude before you end up fucking dead. U needa go to rehab or idk what's gonna happen with u tbh, but it's not something good...

 

[Harry Butthole666]

Yoo, I relate to pretty much everything you just said, minus the trying to put the opiates down..not just yet anyway ...but if I was, I'd stop the uppers once my tolerance manageability was in sight, maybe do benzos every couple days while still tapering and try to start doing fun active shit etc

 

[nznity]

Yoo, I relate to pretty much everything you just said, minus the trying to put the opiates down..not just yet anyway ...but if I was, I'd stop the uppers once my tolerance manageability was in sight, maybe do benzos every couple days while still tapering and try to start doing fun active shit etc

Stop iving at least then, switch to oral oxycodone or morphine. Trust me it's not fun to be in a fkn emergency at the hospital and the nurse has to draw blood from ur groin.

 

[Duke Nukem]

thanks for the advice to all who replied. I think what I will do, which I feel is all im capable of at this time, is to first of all stop all IV use which will be difficult but absolutely crucial because it's obviously the equivalent of playing Russian roulette each time. I'm so obsessed with the crack rush from injecting which is fucked up because it does scare the shit out of me, after plunging im immediately telling myself to hold it together and don't die.. it's madness.. I think of my girlfriend and family (who have absolutely no idea, if they knew they would lose their minds and make things worse) what would happen to them if I really did end up dead and it causes me incredible shame and guilt because they would be destroyed. I will stop the IV using, next week going to cold turkey the Dilaudid and microdose Suboxone, and continue to smoke small amount of the crack each day for about a week or so and lower the amount each day. finally I will stop all crack use and use some clonazepam as needed.

 

[Harry Butthole666]

Stop iving at least then, switch to oral oxycodone or morphine. Trust me it's not fun to be in a fkn emergency at the hospital and the nurse has to draw blood from ur groin.

I've actually experienced that when I was hospitalized for endocarditis when I kicked back in 2018.

 

[Harry Butthole666]

To get my pic line eventually they had to scan my veins and go in super deep in my arm pit area.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

seems like the wrong order. quit the crack first. how are you not gonna relapse on opiates during the coke comedowns.

 

[cdin]

seems like the wrong order. quit the crack first. how are you not gonna relapse on opiates during the coke comedowns.

i agree. Stop all IV use, then stop the smoked cocaine, then tackle the opioids. i've never found it possible to quit booze or stims BEFORE opioids because so much of what they are doing is making those other experiences so much less painful.

 

[Duke Nukem]

seems like the wrong order. quit the crack first. how are you not gonna relapse on opiates during the coke comedowns.

i agree. Stop all IV use, then stop the smoked cocaine, then tackle the opioids. i've never found it possible to quit booze or stims BEFORE opioids because so much of what they are doing is making those other experiences so much less painful.

Hmm ok I hear what you're saying and that makes sense. Haven't really experienced stim withdrawal before but I have had a taste of the hydromorphone withdrawal for a couple days.. good times..

Ugh just thinking about not using a needle all day is almost unimaginable. People who say there's an addiction to the IV process itself are absolutely correct. The shitty thing is that I am going through a very stressful time in life from a handful of typical joys that life throws your way (money,job,health,family) and the majority are unrelated to my addiction. But at the same time it's like do I continue to put this off and wait until an 'easier moment in my life' or will shit continue to go downhill and prolonging the inevitable is only going to make it more painful? Cant even make my own decisions anymore too much doubt and low self esteem.

 

[Nas47]

Its really quite unbelievable to me that I'm even in this current situation.. never ever did I think to myself I'd be hooked on strong opiates and crack, let alone beginning with banging them..you look at me and aside from the new grotesque stim acne I've acquired would never guess I'm this deep into addiction hell. Here's a history of my recent drug use


Dilaudid 8mg- start 1 year ago still using to this day. At some point got up to like 30 pills a day... Now I am using no more than 10 a day via IV. With the crack I have been able to significantly reduce the dillies daily amount, not a great trade but better then no reduction... I have experienced a few times now how brutal the WD from these can be and Its truly frightening.

Crack - started about 4 weeks ago. Also began use IV because with me when it comes to drugs I'm either zero nothing or all in full reckless nuclear power 24/7... there's no in between. Use roughly .5 - 2g a day, pretty strong shit. Can't even think how much money I've wasted makes me sick to my stomach and if I wanted to continue this as it currently is I would need to stay working full time and deal crack on the side.. scary to think about. The best part? after only 1 week I managed to OD quite badly and ended up in emergency where I absolutely thought for sure I was a goner. Didn't learn and still like to live on the edge shooting up but I have cut that back and now smoke as well.

So as you can see I'm a fucking dumbass, no need to let me know as I already do. The reason I think this has gotten to be as bad as it got is because I have had such awful shitty luck with many things from late last year and all through this year. Almost never any good news. So I resort to chemical substances for numbing the pain which allows me to cope better with all the bullshit. But I'm setting myself up for disaster and will eventually pay the ultimate price that is obvious. My girlfriend has said we can no longer see eachother until I'm clean because she is a recovering addicts trying to stay clean and my using triggers her badly.

My plan is to start the detox process next week but I'm very worried I won't be strong enough mentally to stick with it. Going cold turkey on both the dillies and crack will require extreme resilience and self control both of which i lack greatly.. so I'm wondering if it would make sense to stop the dillies completely cold turkey, continue with smoking the crack until the opiate WD are manageable, then cold turkey stop the crack. Will try to get myself some benzos to help with all the anxiety this will inevitably cause..

Would appreciate any insight and advice on this. Sorry if I rambled a bit, was kind of venting as I have no one else to share this with.

Go to rehab man.That's my advice.If you really wanna quitt,that could be good start.Wish you luck!

 

[Duke Nukem]

Go to rehab man.That's my advice.If you really wanna quitt,that could be good start.Wish you luck!

Tried the rehab thing about 6? years ago. family requested I go so stayed a few weeks to make them happy even though I didn't want to be there. The funny part? I was there for only codeine, t1 otc which I cold water extracted lol.. started because I had chronic pain and couldn't find relief with anything else. I'm now a firm believer that majority of people who go to rehab and leave successful would have been able to do that on their own. In other words you need to want to stop to be able to stop. I feel like I really do want this to end as it's been a burden for about a year now and with the rock in the picture the hole just got a lot deeper. Mixed feelings about stopping even though deep down I know 100% that as things currently are it isn't sustainable for long. You know once I realize the money I've wasted and maybe lose my job eventually those might kick my ass into gear enought to make it happen. Still going to try my best come June to put a stop to this before it puts a stop to me. Plan to start going to NA meetings with girlfriend soon as she also has her own battle ahead but is a decorated vet when it comes to this type of shit and knows what to expect.

Thank you to everyone here that has given their thoughts/advice I appreciate it all and take everything into consideration

 

[cdin]

Tried the rehab thing about 6? years ago. family requested I go so stayed a few weeks to make them happy even though I didn't want to be there. The funny part? I was there for only codeine, t1 otc which I cold water extracted lol.. started because I had chronic pain and couldn't find relief with anything else. I'm now a firm believer that majority of people who go to rehab and leave successful would have been able to do that on their own. In other words you need to want to stop to be able to stop. I feel like I really do want this to end as it's been a burden for about a year now and with the rock in the picture the hole just got a lot deeper. Mixed feelings about stopping even though deep down I know 100% that as things currently are it isn't sustainable for long. You know once I realize the money I've wasted and maybe lose my job eventually those might kick my ass into gear enought to make it happen. Still going to try my best come June to put a stop to this before it puts a stop to me. Plan to start going to NA meetings with girlfriend soon as she also has her own battle ahead but is a decorated vet when it comes to this type of shit and knows what to expect.

Thank you to everyone here that has given their thoughts/advice I appreciate it all and take everything into consideration

theres a big difference between going when you are afraid for your own life vs family wanting you to stop partying, IME. but honestly - the sooner you get down to reasonable non-IV doses the better and less "empty" you will feel. That is anhedonia, and it is a part of opioid abuse.

 

[nznity]

Go to rehab man.That's my advice.If you really wanna quitt,that could be good start.Wish you luck!

Yeah, seems like your obsession is too fucking strong to handle it on your own. You really gonna end up dead bro, better go to rehab. Whst you're doing to your body is savage. Go get some help bro.

 

[nznity]

Tried the rehab thing about 6? years ago. family requested I go so stayed a few weeks to make them happy even though I didn't want to be there. The funny part? I was there for only codeine, t1 otc which I cold water extracted lol.. started because I had chronic pain and couldn't find relief with anything else. I'm now a firm believer that majority of people who go to rehab and leave successful would have been able to do that on their own. In other words you need to want to stop to be able to stop. I feel like I really do want this to end as it's been a burden for about a year now and with the rock in the picture the hole just got a lot deeper. Mixed feelings about stopping even though deep down I know 100% that as things currently are it isn't sustainable for long. You know once I realize the money I've wasted and maybe lose my job eventually those might kick my ass into gear enought to make it happen. Still going to try my best come June to put a stop to this before it puts a stop to me. Plan to start going to NA meetings with girlfriend soon as she also has her own battle ahead but is a decorated vet when it comes to this type of shit and knows what to expect.

Thank you to everyone here that has given their thoughts/advice I appreciate it all and take everything into consideration

Rehab only works if you really go there with the intention to quit and nobody is forcing you. U said u went there for codeine, maybe thst u could have handled it on your own but....iv dilly+iv cocaine is another fucking level of drug addiction
That's the top of the pyramid, there's nothing worse than that. Really consider going to a rehab facility and you need more than just a few weeks
I think 90 days min for u, but if I had to decide how much time for u.....min 6 months. Ure into heavy stuff dude, u just don't wanna quit yet but thst could cost you your life.

 

[Harry Butthole666]

Hmm ok I hear what you're saying and that makes sense. Haven't really experienced stim withdrawal before but I have had a taste of the hydromorphone withdrawal for a couple days.. good times..

Ugh just thinking about not using a needle all day is almost unimaginable. People who say there's an addiction to the IV process itself are absolutely correct. The shitty thing is that I am going through a very stressful time in life from a handful of typical joys that life throws your way (money,job,health,family) and the majority are unrelated to my addiction. But at the same time it's like do I continue to put this off and wait until an 'easier moment in my life' or will shit continue to go downhill and prolonging the inevitable is only going to make it more painful? Cant even make my own decisions anymore too much doubt and low self esteem.

In my experience "waiting for the right time" ends up with HAVING to quit painfully at a worse time.... I'd try to lower your tolerance then go to rehab if you can. If not, try to get out of your current environment and around people that can help you and dont use. Hope some of this helps.

 

[cdin]

there is NO right time