Duke Nukem
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2022
- Messages
- 18
Its really quite unbelievable to me that I'm even in this current situation.. never ever did I think to myself I'd be hooked on strong opiates and crack, let alone beginning with banging them..you look at me and aside from the new grotesque stim acne I've acquired would never guess I'm this deep into addiction hell. Here's a history of my recent drug use
Dilaudid 8mg- start 1 year ago still using to this day. At some point got up to like 30 pills a day... Now I am using no more than 10 a day via IV. With the crack I have been able to significantly reduce the dillies daily amount, not a great trade but better then no reduction... I have experienced a few times now how brutal the WD from these can be and Its truly frightening.
Crack - started about 4 weeks ago. Also began use IV because with me when it comes to drugs I'm either zero nothing or all in full reckless nuclear power 24/7... there's no in between. Use roughly .5 - 2g a day, pretty strong shit. Can't even think how much money I've wasted makes me sick to my stomach and if I wanted to continue this as it currently is I would need to stay working full time and deal crack on the side.. scary to think about. The best part? after only 1 week I managed to OD quite badly and ended up in emergency where I absolutely thought for sure I was a goner. Didn't learn and still like to live on the edge shooting up but I have cut that back and now smoke as well.
So as you can see I'm a fucking dumbass, no need to let me know as I already do. The reason I think this has gotten to be as bad as it got is because I have had such awful shitty luck with many things from late last year and all through this year. Almost never any good news. So I resort to chemical substances for numbing the pain which allows me to cope better with all the bullshit. But I'm setting myself up for disaster and will eventually pay the ultimate price that is obvious. My girlfriend has said we can no longer see eachother until I'm clean because she is a recovering addicts trying to stay clean and my using triggers her badly.
My plan is to start the detox process next week but I'm very worried I won't be strong enough mentally to stick with it. Going cold turkey on both the dillies and crack will require extreme resilience and self control both of which i lack greatly.. so I'm wondering if it would make sense to stop the dillies completely cold turkey, continue with smoking the crack until the opiate WD are manageable, then cold turkey stop the crack. Will try to get myself some benzos to help with all the anxiety this will inevitably cause..
Would appreciate any insight and advice on this. Sorry if I rambled a bit, was kind of venting as I have no one else to share this with.
Dilaudid 8mg- start 1 year ago still using to this day. At some point got up to like 30 pills a day... Now I am using no more than 10 a day via IV. With the crack I have been able to significantly reduce the dillies daily amount, not a great trade but better then no reduction... I have experienced a few times now how brutal the WD from these can be and Its truly frightening.
Crack - started about 4 weeks ago. Also began use IV because with me when it comes to drugs I'm either zero nothing or all in full reckless nuclear power 24/7... there's no in between. Use roughly .5 - 2g a day, pretty strong shit. Can't even think how much money I've wasted makes me sick to my stomach and if I wanted to continue this as it currently is I would need to stay working full time and deal crack on the side.. scary to think about. The best part? after only 1 week I managed to OD quite badly and ended up in emergency where I absolutely thought for sure I was a goner. Didn't learn and still like to live on the edge shooting up but I have cut that back and now smoke as well.
So as you can see I'm a fucking dumbass, no need to let me know as I already do. The reason I think this has gotten to be as bad as it got is because I have had such awful shitty luck with many things from late last year and all through this year. Almost never any good news. So I resort to chemical substances for numbing the pain which allows me to cope better with all the bullshit. But I'm setting myself up for disaster and will eventually pay the ultimate price that is obvious. My girlfriend has said we can no longer see eachother until I'm clean because she is a recovering addicts trying to stay clean and my using triggers her badly.
My plan is to start the detox process next week but I'm very worried I won't be strong enough mentally to stick with it. Going cold turkey on both the dillies and crack will require extreme resilience and self control both of which i lack greatly.. so I'm wondering if it would make sense to stop the dillies completely cold turkey, continue with smoking the crack until the opiate WD are manageable, then cold turkey stop the crack. Will try to get myself some benzos to help with all the anxiety this will inevitably cause..
Would appreciate any insight and advice on this. Sorry if I rambled a bit, was kind of venting as I have no one else to share this with.