Its over. Need help 🤯🙄

[~kira~]

Well, I've posted on here numerous times in the last year about my relationship. Some of you might remember my posts idk lol.

Anyway, I took the step. I broke up with my girlfriend however she is bat shit desperate to keep me. I had to text her. I know, that's really shitty. But she is controlling and can be manipulative. I figured as soon as i tell her, she would cry and it would make me break down and crumble. So I had to do it through text..

We've been dating for nearly 3 years. We live together, everything for the first year was amazing. We were great. But things started to change, her family was horrible etc. For the past year I have felt this way. I tried to reach out and tell her how I felt.

She's just been so damn clingy, needy, massive mood swings, no license and she's 27, I always take her to work, sometimes I get off work at midnight and then have to be up by 4am to take her in. She's bossy, demanding, controlling, she doesn't trust me.

I'll stop there qnd say last year, a very close friend of mine committed suicide. His sister called me. (I was closer to her, but loved them both deeply) and I told my gf I needed to go see her and talk with her. I mean that's a huge ordeal. Her response was sorry about you friend, but I don't think you should go see her. What if she tries to do anything to you since she's vulnerable? I was like excuse me...don't you think I would stop her? No trust. Whats worse, is i didn't go.

All of my friends and family don't think we should be together. My mom met her 3 times...and could pick up on the controlling and bossy part.. (mom lives pretty far away)

So we were going back and forth last night. She kept blowing my phone up asking if shecl can change, andnl she would do whatever it takes to be with me. At one point she pulled the "if you really loved me you would come home and talk about this" she also mentioned she knew I felt this way, I asked why it's just taking till now to try and fix things?

Honestly, I feel happy. I mean I am upset. She was a part of my life. I actually feel more sorry for her than anything. I feel bad that we haven't spoke in person, and I'm sad that she's upset. I think I'm doing the right thing for me. What are you guys opinions?

Also FYI, the things I listed above, are also her mom and family. They are worse..

 

[Jabberwocky]

It sounds very much like you have made the right decision. When an ex is controlling, mistrusting, or emotionally manipulative the only thing you can do is leave, draw a big line under the relationship, and put up some strong boundaries to protect yourself from their post-relationship shit moving forward. Don’t leave any opportunities for yourself to get sucked back in or doubt your own judgment.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It sounds very much like you have made the right decision. When an ex is controlling, mistrusting, or emotionally manipulative the only thing you can do is leave, draw a big line under the relationship, and put up some strong boundaries to protect yourself from their post-relationship shit moving forward. Don’t leave any opportunities for yourself to get sucked back in or doubt your own judgment.

This is my opinion also.

I once was in a relationship pretty much like you described, @~kira~ . Beginning was beautiful. I actually thought that it was love but it was not. She did not trust me at all. And she ended up being the unfaithful one. So much controlling... so much drama. I was a doormat. Now i am not, unless i use myself as a doormat for one reason or another.

 

[Bicycle Tripper]

It's clear that you care about her but also that the relationship wasn't right. I've been in a similar situation post-breakup where my ex wanted to talk to me about the relationship but I was worried it might end up with us seeing each other or getting back together. I wish then that I had just been straight with her and said we couldn't talk at all for some time but that felt quite brutal. In the end we did see each other which got her hopes up and I basically had to break up with her again which was even worse. Sometimes you have to be a bit cruel to be kind.

I think I'm doing the right thing for me

Trust your gut! And don't beat yourself up that she doesn't agree with your decision to end the relationship, some relationships just don't work out and sometimes you need to be the one to make the tough decision.

If you find yourself doubting your decision later come back and take a look at this post, it's easy to forget how a relationship really was after a few months when you're single...

 

[G_Chem]

Typically when they are so mistrusting it’s cuz they got something to hide themselves. Glad you made the move, you’ve got the rest of your life to enjoy not to waste away with someone like her.

-GC

 

[Coffeeshroom]

I agree with all, especially the mistrust issue. Like mentioned, normally if they don't trust you or think you cheating it is because they doing it themselves and feel guilty and then try swing it around to make you the bad guy so they can feel better. And if that is the case, i would leave too. I ended my marriage cause my ex had an affair never mind cheating and she also accused me of cheating on her while she was the one doing the cheating. And if they have done it once, they will do it again. Not saying you ex was cheating but from your post it does kinda sounds like it. I bet she is one of those woman that gets anything she wants just by batting her eye lids.

So as mentioned, put yourself and happiness first. You only have one life,make the best of it. Keep strong.

 

[~kira~]

Thank you guys. My heads been fucked up today. I don't think she was cheating. She basically tagged along with me anywhere. But she's cheated in the past and been cheated on.

I got a call from the landlord saying she called him and asked to be off the lease. She got ahold of me after and said that she was moving out. We have been talking like adults tonight. Since we both made the apartment kinda messy, she is helping me clean everything up and I'm helping her pack (she asked and I of course will help) she also said in the future maybe we can keep in touch. I told her we need healing time for sure, but it would be possible. So things might end on a decent note. I do miss her already, its got me all upset and stuff tonight. But, I think for all of us it's the best thing possible. Even if we all don't agree on it. It will be in the long run.