it's been a while

[RUC4]

it's been a long long time since I've been on here. i'm reaching out to get input and jus. but to vent. i'm having some serious mental health issues and it's not just lately.
i'm on medication for depression and anxiety and at one point it was working really well.

when i get stressed, even without consciously realizing how stressed i am, i get a disconnected, confused feeling. i'm not capable of having a thought and following through. i get stuck...and my depression suddenly appears and is terrible. and i can't get anything done. even something as simple as going in the kitchen to grab something, i'll get sidetracked and do 4 other things.
i hide this from everyone, except a few people. i beat myself up in my head for my behavior while it's happening. and when i feel this way, i think about how much easier life would be if i wasn't in it. but then i think about my daughter and my dog (to be honest. my dog is obsessed with me) and i know i couldn't do that to them.
i'm in the stuck right now and i don't know how to get out.

 

[mal3volent]

but then i think about my daughter and my dog (to be honest. my dog is obsessed with me) and i know i couldn't do that to them.

exactly. Your daughter and your dog are excellent reasons to keep going.

have you talked with your doctor about how your meds used to work well but aren't anymore? Maybe an adjustment can be made.

I know how overbearing it can feel. Just think about those things that keep you going, and have faith that things will get better. I know it sounds really basic but forcing myself to take a hot shower every morning really helps me to not sink into my thought patterns.

 

[RUC4]

exactly. Your daughter and your dog are excellent reasons to keep going.

have you talked with your doctor about how your meds used to work well but aren't anymore? Maybe an adjustment can be made.

I know how overbearing it can feel. Just think about those things that keep you going, and have faith that things will get better. I know it sounds really basic but forcing myself to take a hot shower every morning really helps me to not sink into my thought patterns.

any advice on how to get unstuck? how to get out of it?

 

[mal3volent]

any advice on how to get unstuck? how to get out of it?

Well for me I told myself that I wasn't going to drink for a week, then on Saturday spend the money I would have on liquor going out somewhere to eat with my family instead. And I really wanted to be in a good head space by the time that happened, so I forced myself to engage in healthy habits leading up to that. Keeping my sleep schedule on point, no fast food, no alcohol, showering every day, taking my dogs out on long walks every night. If I felt the thoughts creeping in at night, I'd just take melatonin and go to bed.

Once I got that first week behind me, and saw that I was still able to set a goal for myself and accomplish it... I didn't want to lose that ground. It feels good just like, fuck it, I'm tired of feeling this way and it's within my power to change. I'm going to take control of my mind and my life, you know?

All this will vary from person to person. But what helped me was setting up short term goals and purposely raising the stakes so that I would feel subtle pressure to do well. Exercise, eating well, sleep, going outside. Then not wanting to let go of that "I'm not fucking up" feeling.

 

[Chihuahua gang]

Hang in there it's always the darkest right before it gets better ime. It can be so hard to see through tho because it seems like it'll never end. That's a bullshit trick your mind pulls.

January I literally had the gun in my hand moments away from making the decision. I look over and my female chihuahua with her beautiful eyes is just looking at me like please no. If it wasn't for her I'd have done it, my wife left because of the drunkin fights me tearing up shit around the house. I was detoxing full blown alcoholism at the time anyhow, blood pressure was 200 just sitting down. I was alone scared shitless. Worried about needing to go the ER without anyone to call if I wasn't able to dial.

Iv been battling mental health my whole life I feel for you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I to sometimes have the idea I need to die so everyone can move on. Like I'm a burden holding my loved 1s back, it's not true tho. Everyone needs you more than you know.

Be patient with yourself as if you were a kid. Your beating yourself up way to much. Be kind to yourself if you notice your going down a negative thought pattern recognize it and redirect it to positivity. Make yourself do small tasks, stretch, positive hobbies etc. Eat well get good sleep. Try to calm down everything is going to be OK trust me. It takes faith.

I have severe depression and moderate bipolar. I freak out for zero reason, claustrophobic feeling, mania, etc. I get angry. I basically shut myself off in a room with music and smoke weed because I can't be around people when I'm like that. Luckily my wife understands. She knows I can't help it and i get on my own nerves. Lil background of my situation.

 

[JackARoe]

I look over and my female chihuahua with her beautiful eyes is just looking at me like please no. If it wasn't for her I'd have done it, my wife left because of the drunkin fights me tearing up shit around the house. I was detoxing full blown alcoholism at the time anyhow, blood pressure was 200 just sitting down. I was alone scared shitless. Worried about needing to go the ER without anyone to call if I wasn't able to dial.

I am really glad both the OP and yourself have little guardians looking over you. Don't underestimate the ability for an animal to tune in to a person's emotions. It is why we have them. We talk to them and they do answer. Imagine the pain we would feel if our dog or child dies. Being stoic human beings it saves us because we don't want our loved ones to feel that pain. I remember saying a few times I don't want to wake up tomorrow, only to look over at my dog and say but for her I will or who else will take care of her. And having children probably inspires a lot more duty. The notion of I love so much I will stay here with you and go through this tough life with you.

But the important question is how to get unstuck like RU asked. I am thankful RU has a daughter. And a dog that is obsessed. The dog knows and is keeping watch. Don't discount that. Both Mal and Chih have some great advise. I myself will have to follow. Getting out into nature helps. I do think a lot of us stay here because we do love our family and pets and don't want to see them hurt. That is heroic and a damn good reason to make it through another day. To say I love you more than life itself is beyond important.

Long walks in nature is a great suggestion Maybe even get the dog and daughter to a day at the park and just soak in little moments. I don't think any of us will ever feel good all the time. But we can steal moments and that makes us go through another day. I come here to remind myself of that as I can be as down. When I hear a daughter and a dog are in the landscape my heart melts. They need you.

 

[lecroute]

Whenever I feel stuck in my own mind, I turn to my dogs. I have three, and they are very social and playful. Interacting with them when I need a break from something always does the trick. They remind me that there can be joy in small and very simple things, and how important breaks and play are.

I get the same happy feeling when watching other animals interact with each other. Trying to understand what's going on between them is fun, and for me very relaxing because in a way they have similar issues going on (like a seagull that's been rolled over by a wave and gets angry at the water) but their way to deal with life is so much simpler.

A lot to learn from animals!

 

[Chihuahua gang]

Whenever I feel stuck in my own mind, I turn to my dogs. I have three, and they are very social and playful. Interacting with them when I need a break from something always does the trick. They remind me that there can be joy in small and very simple things, and how important breaks and play are.

I get the same happy feeling when watching other animals interact with each other. Trying to understand what's going on between them is fun, and for me very relaxing because in a way they have similar issues going on (like a seagull that's been rolled over by a wave and gets angry at the water) but their way to deal with life is so much simpler.

A lot to learn from animals!

I agree they are smarter and more aware than most people think. I have 3 chihuahuas and they are my kids. They know when I'm feeling bad to. The female chihuahua that stopped me means the world to me. So her mom wouldn't feed her 4 girls. I bottle fed them around the clock, 3 passed it was awful to watch like it did a # on me watching those palm sized babies pass. I sure thought the 4th was done but she survived miraculously. The mom passed 8 months later from cancer sadly. So that 1 that survived I'm her daddy and she just looks up at me so thankful it's amazing.

Iv always loved animals and insects. Spiders and chihuahuas are my pets of choice nowadays. Just lost a 15 year old tarantula recently was heart broken/so pissed off. She molted looking so beautiful and just couldn't recover sadly. Was like her final gesture.

Iv been around a lot of death the past years unfortunately but it's apart of life.

 

[lecroute]

I like all animal and plants. Every living thing and even the ones that aren't considered "beings". Like stones. Metal.
I think there was time when I liked humans, too. But that's long ago. Though I'm willing to give individuals a chance.

So far I had in my adult life 1 adopted cat and 1 adopted kitten and 1 rescued kitten.
15 rescued dogs, 3 of them as puppies (1 I had only 3 weeks before I have to a very nice couple)
4 puppies born to o e of the rescued ones.

When I co-owned a company, we allowed our employees to bring their pets under special circumstances. We had a dog, a hamster, a rosea spider, a parrot and a gecko. Though not all at the same time.

I have 3 chihuahuas

You bottle fed one, did you adopt or rescue her mother?
What about the other ones?

 

[lecroute]

And I definitely will have to sew some pajamas for my pitpull-whatevers. They are shivering so much I thought we were having an earthquake (which would be good, all that pressure must be released before it turns into a terremoto)

Sorry... Just realized this isn't the dog thread.

 

[BK38]

Well for me I told myself that I wasn't going to drink for a week, then on Saturday spend the money I would have on liquor going out somewhere to eat with my family instead. And I really wanted to be in a good head space by the time that happened, so I forced myself to engage in healthy habits leading up to that. Keeping my sleep schedule on point, no fast food, no alcohol, showering every day, taking my dogs out on long walks every night. If I felt the thoughts creeping in at night, I'd just take melatonin and go to bed.

Once I got that first week behind me, and saw that I was still able to set a goal for myself and accomplish it... I didn't want to lose that ground. It feels good just like, fuck it, I'm tired of feeling this way and it's within my power to change. I'm going to take control of my mind and my life, you know?

All this will vary from person to person. But what helped me was setting up short term goals and purposely raising the stakes so that I would feel subtle pressure to do well. Exercise, eating well, sleep, going outside. Then not wanting to let go of that "I'm not fucking up" feeling.

This is such great advice. It's kind of how I ultimately got through heroin addiction. I'm at 12 years clean and the thought of going back to day 0 makes me feel mentally and physically sick. I still have my addictions, but nothing like in my teens and 20s when I went HARD with heroin/meth. I feel a bit of a hypocrite because I'm going through opiate wds rn, but nothing like with dope. I definitely need to make some life adjustments after I get over this.

 

[jasperkent]

any advice on how to get unstuck? how to get out of it?

No, but if you find something that works let me know. My anxiety is low and my depression is mostly manageable, but my procrastination has gotten nearly pathological. It doesn't help that my dog is really old and won't be around much longer.

 

[lecroute]

I get mentally stuck when my life becomes routine. I can't deal with routine, it bores me to death, and of don't counteract, I slip into a very dark place.
So I'm constantly changing small things. Like where I put certain everyday things. This way I have to actively use my brain when making coffee for example. Instead of being on autopilot and submerged into my own mind.

Not sure if that's of any help to you, because it's said here

All this will vary from person to person.

 

[Chihuahua gang]

I like all animal and plants. Every living thing and even the ones that aren't considered "beings". Like stones. Metal.
I think there was time when I liked humans, too. But that's long ago. Though I'm willing to give individuals a chance.

So far I had in my adult life 1 adopted cat and 1 adopted kitten and 1 rescued kitten.
15 rescued dogs, 3 of them as puppies (1 I had only 3 weeks before I have to a very nice couple)
4 puppies born to o e of the rescued ones.

When I co-owned a company, we allowed our employees to bring their pets under special circumstances. We had a dog, a hamster, a rosea spider, a parrot and a gecko. Though not all at the same time.


You bottle fed one, did you adopt or rescue her mother?
What about the other ones?

That's awesome I can tell your like me and my family. I completely agree i trust a animal more than a human. I hate people, im a misanthrope but i also love people it's confusing. Iv had all sorts of pets tho, my grandma had skunks and squirrels lol. Iv always kept at least 1 tarantula but the old T that just passed was a rose hair. Beautiful bright metallic coloration slightly smaller than my hand. She was a big rosey. Tame as can be unless she was hungry lol. I'm working on getting some slings to keep me busy get back into collecting specimens.

Iv had ducks, cats, dogs, birds, turtles, fish growing up. It wasn't till I was 20 when I realized the love of a chihuahua named Marley and was hooked ever since.

So I had 2 chihuahuas. M and F, 1 long hair 1 short hair. They got busy and my girl got pregnant with 4 girls. She wouldn't let them feed. So I had to keep them on a heat pad and bottle feed around the clock a dog the size of a small rat. Help them poop everything. The first 1 was weak died in 3 days. The rest was just fine for a month. The 3rd just lost balance 1 day and wasn't right died in 2 days. The last 2 I thought they'd fore sure make it. The 3rd died in a another week, I was so pissed off cause she was just fine. So I thought my 4th girl was gone it was so hard. She survived tho!

Girl Sylvie on the left and her dad Hank. Her mother passed 8 months later. Cancer got her but she touched it out 6 months until she couldn't sit from constricting her air ways. She started falling over from standing to breath. That's when we made the call.

 

[lecroute]

when i get stressed, even without consciously realizing how stressed i am, i get a disconnected, confused feeling. i'm not capable of having a thought and following through. i get stuck...and my depression suddenly appears and is terrible. and i can't get anything done. even something as simple as going in the kitchen to grab something, i'll get sidetracked and do 4 other things.

Sounds like overload to me.
Too much (unconscious) stuff going on, preventing your central executive to work properly, affecting all kinds of brain functions.
Attention is one of them. Not sure if things like depression are linked directly, but I can imagine that if someone's having difficulty to focus and this failing to do certain things, the rewarding effect of "success" is missing.

I'm no expert. I studied this stuff some two years ago but it's all very foggy. Writing this only because someone (you?) might know what I mean and be able to explain this.

The easy way to say it is that stress makes people less efficient in many ways. So finding things that help you "declutter" your mind might help.

 

[RUC4]

wow. thank you everyone who answered or read.

i know what you mean @lecroute when you say it sounds like overload. it really is. it's like the choice between fight or flight. but not it's fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, i think. i'm freezing. actually being more inefficient than freezing because i am moving around doing things. i am doing them on autopilot and with a ton of frustration. and it just compounds building layers. my brain in half out of the game so i will overlook things while trying to do something. i will then fumble and get pissed and then complain -either in my head or outloud- that life always does this to me and it's not fair.
meanwhile i'm hating myself in my head also for complaining. and i'm aware of how ironic this sounds.

 

[lecroute]

actually being more inefficient than freezing because i am moving around doing things. i am doing them on autopilot and with a ton of frustration.

I think when you freeze you do nothing at all. And it usually is only for a short period of time. Like seconds to minutes. Very seldom for longer (happened to me twice, was told I was quasi catatonic).
When I get really overloaded then I shut down completely, sometimes for days, barely able to do the most simple things.

i am doing them on autopilot and with a ton of frustration

I know that feeling. For me it's a sign to take a break from everything and find something I can do. Or maybe do nothing. I spend sometimes several days doing nothing but reading and bing watching shows on Netflix and sleeping because I couldn't find satisfaction in any activity. In my case it was a mixture of having gone through a difficult time and living in a restricted situation.
I'm over and out now, since about four months, but I still have to regain that confidence I had before, knowing that I can do things and not being afraid to fail.

Because in the end it's this. You feel inefficient, and that leads to frustration which makes you even less efficient.

I would really like to have a solution for you, but truth is I don't. Only thing is to allow yourself to take a break. Accept that for a moment (hour, day, week) you are allowed to be inefficient. I found that there's even a funny and enjoyable side to it (though I'm not sure if it's just a side effect of having taken too many mgs of benzos).

 

[Chihuahua gang]

wow. thank you everyone who answered or read.

i know what you mean @lecroute when you say it sounds like overload. it really is. it's like the choice between fight or flight. but not it's fight, flight, fawn, or freeze, i think. i'm freezing. actually being more inefficient than freezing because i am moving around doing things. i am doing them on autopilot and with a ton of frustration. and it just compounds building layers. my brain in half out of the game so i will overlook things while trying to do something. i will then fumble and get pissed and then complain -either in my head or outloud- that life always does this to me and it's not fair.
meanwhile i'm hating myself in my head also for complaining. and i'm aware of how ironic this sounds.

High levels of oxidized stress will wreck havoc on your nervous system which will send you into fight or flight mode to often to the unhealthy point. Which will feel like system overload, may even feel confused, overwhelmed, heavy and slow moving around.

 

[RUC4]

High levels of oxidized stress will wreck havoc on your nervous system which will send you into fight or flight mode to often to the unhealthy point. Which will feel like system overload, may even feel confused, overwhelmed, heavy and slow moving around.

and how do we change this or make this better?