Hey there, my drug of choice was different (alcohol) but it led me to similar feelings of isolation and thus depression and anxiety. Which has lead to multiple relapses over the past few years for the same reasons you mentioned - whats there to lose.
I find its a vicious cycle. One leads to the other but what comes first. A real chicken and the egg kinda deal. Im just now learning to recognize ,give validity to and try to understand my feelings and cravings. However in the past Id be doing well then something would change, the wheel would start its cycle, then Id start my - drinking again. I find Im picking myself up and dusting myself off quicker and more successfully each time now (thankfully). But that doesnt mean these set backs arent disappointing, as for me too, it has lost its appeal - its almost entirely out of habit now.
I feel like so long as you learn something from each difficult experience its not worth losing sleep over. These habits took years of imprinting to develop. There will, unfortunately, be no magic cure thatll work over night. So Im learning that its all part of the game and that we just need to treat it as such. Who are the players - me and my drug. What are the rules - what causes my cravings, what are my cravings to me, can i do anything to aid in the cravings. But I find its best to think of it as a best of series - you may lose the match but theres still many more to be played before we can decide who the real winner is.
Just keep your goals in mind. If you dont have any, why not try and come up with some - its ok if its `just for me`, imo nothing wrong with being selfish here, so long as its positive (obviously within reason here, you see what Im getting at though), or for my kids, to pursue career or even just learning goals. Go slow but aim high
Anyways,
Best of luck
TOC