Is the value of love determined by society.

[psychedelicsoul]

Now... What if I told you that our desire for a romantic partner has been instilled in us by society. We've grown up in a world that says, "all you need is love". Most of the songs made are about love, most movies/tv shows feature romance to some degree. Love, both romantic and otherwise, are a huge part of most major religions. Why would an athiest get married for any other reason than the tax bennefits? Because even they've been influenced by the christianized tradition of marriage. Marriage has been socially portrayed as something beautiful. Even if you're not of a religion, it doesn't mean the culture and traditions surrounding that religion has not had an impact on you.
Society tells you that being single for the rest of your life is a terrible thing... "You don't wanna die alone do you?" "Can't you find a wife?" "Don't you get lonely?"... This sucks for women even worse... Women who couldn't find a man used to be considered worthless. In the hindu tradition, widows were burned alive.

Now, me on the other hand.... I listen to tons of rap. And the message is clear, "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks". When people like me talk about marriage, it's like we're talking about a disease... "Yo, you hear that dude got married?" "Damn, and she ain't even fine"
The hip hop culture has taught me that the only good a relationship will do for me is pussy... And pussy alone. It's taught me that real G's don't need love. And since I've strived to be a tough guy, i've subconsciously put those values in my mind.
But so have you...
The only difference is that the choice of words society planted in your mind... Mine are "We don't love them hoes", yours is "All you need is love". Both of use have been socially programmed to view relationships the way we do. You've grown up with the media portrayal of love and you've seen stories, both real and fictional, of the power of love. This has socially programmed you to need it.
Some people lie awake alone at night and crave the feeling of being held, and kissed, and being told "I love you". This is because society has brainwashed us into thinking that we actually need love.

So that means, that my position on women and on sex have been influenced by the society around me... But most likely, so has yours. I'm really no different from people who feel they can't live without romance.
If you feel like love is some great beautiful thing that will bring joy in your life and that you need it, then you're just as socially influenced as I am for my misogynistic tendencies.

 

[One Thousand Words]

My wife is my best friend. We share the same interests and hobbies, we call each other everyday at work during our lunch break and fall asleep every night holding hands.

She is no more my hoe than I am her pimp. I'd likely have more money, more free time and more of the bed if I was single but to me marriage is more than a ring or a white dress. Society never told me how to love this woman. Life happened and I was lucky enough to catch her eye.

 

[apatheist]

We're social animals and pair bonding is modulated by hormones, notably oxytocin. This is not to say that social mores don't influence individual views on love, but it's something that's rooted very deep in our evolutionary past and not just a construct.

What matters most to me about relationships is connection - the feeling of being seen clearly for who I am and accepted, of being truly and deeply understood. I don't think that this is something that's been imparted to me by society.

 

[psychedelicsoul]

My wife is my best friend. We share the same interests and hobbies, we call each other everyday at work during our lunch break and fall asleep every night holding hands.

She is no more my hoe than I am her pimp. I'd likely have more money, more free time and more of the bed if I was single but to me marriage is more than a ring or a white dress. Society never told me how to love this woman. Life happened and I was lucky enough to catch her eye.

True... If someone found someone like that I could understand. But love is something a lot of people seek out. Personally, I think the feeling that single people need to reach out and search for love is driven by society. Because I'm sure you're in an extreme minority. Most marriages end in divorce, most relationships don't last. Maybe what you have is a result of change? Do you attribute finding her to your free will, or was it fate/chance. Can someone really find a relationship like that through sheer effort?

 

[psychedelicsoul]

We're social animals and pair bonding is modulated by hormones, notably oxytocin. This is not to say that social mores don't influence individual views on love, but it's something that's rooted very deep in our evolutionary past and not just a construct.

Could the same be said about my views towards women... Let's say I wasn't influenced by hip hop. Is it possible I'd still be the kind of person who rejects love and only values sex?

What matters most to me about relationships is connection - the feeling of being seen clearly for who I am and accepted, of being truly and deeply understood. I don't think that this is something that's been imparted to me by society.

Fair enough... Personally, I think I could spend the rest of my life alone, and still get that feeling you're describing.

 

[One Thousand Words]

She picked me up hitch hiking so a little from column A, a little from column B

 

[apatheist]

Could the same be said about my views towards women... Let's say I wasn't influenced by hip hop. Is it possible I'd still be the kind of person who rejects love and only values sex?

Do you think so? It's something that does seem to happen with eg some personality disorders.

Fair enough... Personally, I think I could spend the rest of my life alone, and still get that feeling you're describing.

How so?

 

[psychedelicsoul]

Do you think so? It's something that does seem to happen with eg some personality disorders.

Not really. Asexual people don't want romance. The only difference between me and them is that I still have sexual desires.

How so?

By just loving myself. I've never had a girlfriend and have probably had less than a handful of friends at one time. And even then, I don't get to see them often. But at the same time, I don't feel lonely.
I doubt I could truely be understood by another person, so the process seems to be in vain for me.

 

[apatheist]

Not really. Asexual people don't want romance. The only difference between me and them is that I still have sexual desires.

Asexual people are not necessarily aromantic.

By just loving myself. I've never had a girlfriend and have probably had less than a handful of friends at one time. And even then, I don't get to see them often. But at the same time, I don't feel lonely.
I doubt I could truely be understood by another person, so the process seems to be in vain for me.

If you are discounting the possibility ahead of time, it may well be in vain. I don't think that self-love (while very important) is the same as connection with another person though.

Being a relationship anarchist, I don't make hard distinctions between "friendly" and "romantic" relationships. I see it as a continuum, and can get the kind of connection I crave with or without a romantic and/or sexual component to the relationship.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

I think you're kinda right.. in a way.

It seems like there are many people who base their self worth on whether or not they are alone; constantly seeking relationships or refusing to leave a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. But I don't nessisarily think that society strictly determines how everyone percieves love. I think there are many different types of love and different people need different types of love, but not everyone realizes that and don't know where or how to look

 

[pofacedhoe]

Now... What if I told you that our desire for a romantic partner has been instilled in us by society. We've grown up in a world that says, "all you need is love". Most of the songs made are about love, most movies/tv shows feature romance to some degree. Love, both romantic and otherwise, are a huge part of most major religions. Why would an athiest get married for any other reason than the tax bennefits? Because even they've been influenced by the christianized tradition of marriage. Marriage has been socially portrayed as something beautiful. Even if you're not of a religion, it doesn't mean the culture and traditions surrounding that religion has not had an impact on you.
Society tells you that being single for the rest of your life is a terrible thing... "You don't wanna die alone do you?" "Can't you find a wife?" "Don't you get lonely?"... This sucks for women even worse... Women who couldn't find a man used to be considered worthless. In the hindu tradition, widows were burned alive.

Now, me on the other hand.... I listen to tons of rap. And the message is clear, "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks". When people like me talk about marriage, it's like we're talking about a disease... "Yo, you hear that dude got married?" "Damn, and she ain't even fine"
The hip hop culture has taught me that the only good a relationship will do for me is pussy... And pussy alone. It's taught me that real G's don't need love. And since I've strived to be a tough guy, i've subconsciously put those values in my mind.
But so have you...
The only difference is that the choice of words society planted in your mind... Mine are "We don't love them hoes", yours is "All you need is love". Both of use have been socially programmed to view relationships the way we do. You've grown up with the media portrayal of love and you've seen stories, both real and fictional, of the power of love. This has socially programmed you to need it.
Some people lie awake alone at night and crave the feeling of being held, and kissed, and being told "I love you". This is because society has brainwashed us into thinking that we actually need love.

So that means, that my position on women and on sex have been influenced by the society around me... But most likely, so has yours. I'm really no different from people who feel they can't live without romance.
If you feel like love is some great beautiful thing that will bring joy in your life and that you need it, then you're just as socially influenced as I am for my misogynistic tendencies.

yeah if you saturate yourself with a message you can be brainwashed in either direction.

marriage is not about romance and romeo and juliet shit- its about teamwork and friendship and being there for someone when things go bad and helping them. not the same as lust and infatuation by a long shot. marriage is friendship and the nitty gritty.

at the same time rap is telling you that all that is out there is sex- this is also an extreme distortion and the values a lot of music portrays are just out there to manipulate you into buying more of it. "become this fantasised image and play into it and buy more music to prove you are this image". YAWN

 

[neurotic]

you can't really know how relationships really are before/without having experienced them, that is you can't have a "value of love determined by yourself" without having seen it yourself, i guess