Is serotonin overload real? Why am I still alive?

[xbandit07x]

^^^ Yeah, I do get them mixed up. But I firmly believe I have low serotonin. I suffer from EXTREME attachment disorder to people I love, enough to want to kill myself 24/7. It's like a dog with the worst attachment anxiety ever, crying and wanting to die because they think their owner is never coming back. That's my life 24/7, but more complex.

All I know is THIS:
1.) Prozac was the first drug I ever took. It helped my depresssion somewhat, it reduced my OCD by 50-70%. Quite a bit. OCD ties into my attachment problem. It helped stopped the obsessive thoughts. I was more apathetic (thank GOD!!) as that's way better than being suicidal 24/7 for life. No doctor knows how to treat me, and serotonin is the only chemical that is known that can help reduce it.

2.) Adderall was the 2ns drug I took. MY GOD did it CURE depression. It didn't help OCD. I was HAPPY, OUTGOING, FULL OF MOTIVATION, I loved life!!! I was so good at work I got promote to the highest position!!! I took 15mg X 4 daily. Yes, I took too much and shouldn't have abused them with energy drinks. It worked SO GOOD FOR 1 year or so. THEN? One day it started to stop working. Then it caused REVERSE effects. So when I took it, I got tired, felt like a zombie, almost felt sick!!!! It was crazy how I went from on top of the world to I can hardly function and I was dead on the inside. My receptors died. My
Adrenal glands died.
I'm WORRIED I caused permanent damage via down regulation or receptors dying... I would take 60mg daily and 2-4 cops of coffee or energy drinks with each pill!!! Now 7 years later I STILL CANNOT feel Adderall!!

3.) After Adderall stopped working I tried Vicodin. It made me FULL of energy, happy, etc. Not as good as Adderall (energy and motivation wise) but it's hard to say what caused more europhia. ANYWAYS, after about 1 year of taking Vicodin/Oxy I went from happy, full of energy, outgoing, etc to... PURE FATIGUE. Suddenly every pill made me feel tired and depressed. WTF? I guess I burn out my opiate receptors, along with serotonin and dopamine/etc.

4.) I moved over to Tramadol. It made me feel good for like a month then stopped. I don't know why. I didn't feel good from the opiod because I was just on Oxy for 5-7 year. It was the SNRI that made me feel really good.

Now Tramadol stopped and I feel like shit. Why the hell did the SNRI effects stop after only 4 or so months?? All other antidepressants I took lasted years or forever, nor just months...

So I dunno what I am low on. But I DO know that dopamine increase gives more OCD and anxiety, same with increasing NE levels....


Any ideas, anyone?

I think it is lack of a few neurotransmitters. I don't think one medication is going to help you right now, and I especially think you should avoid mixing multiple things that act on the same receptors (serotonin).

Suicidal thoughts is the main thing I can think of that is a sign of ultra low serotonin.

But it seems that people don't understand, when you have real psychological thought based issues, the same OCD or whatever will slide into a new neurotransmitter to show itself.

So like, lets say you are depressed and have mostly low serotonin, If you raise all the serotonin and don't deal with the thoughts/reality, then your depression will show up as Low endorphins, or low dopamine, etc. The brain wont simply remove thoughts so easily.

Same burn out/dysphoria had happened to me from a ring or two on Adderall/amps hence I'm afraid to ever try opiates,

if its emotions/self worth based it usually pertains to low serotonin, but not always as Dopamine is emotional regulation as well, like a filter.

I notice a pure low dopamine/endorphins depression is Akathasia, just animalistic restless legs, hyperactive junkie feeling. Things like Xans, alc, etc don't help you in the state of high serotonin low everything else.