When I first started MDMA i was so responsible. I'd only use once every 3 months max, and often even longer.
Then I got into EDM and started going to concerts and festivals. Since January 2019, I've rolled about 20 times. I'll usually take 200mg and then redose 200mg at the 2 hr mark. For longer events/festivals i'll keep redosing. Most of my rolls are 400mg-600mg total, but I've done an entire gram in a night like 4 times. At my worst point of abuse (November - January), i was crying every single day. After my roll january 24 i nearly killed myself and went to a psychiatric hospital which is when i decided that I must lower my usage.
I went from January to early April without rolling and i felt better than i had in so long. I wasn't extremely depressed anymore, and I finally thought the dark part was behind me. But then I fucked up the first week of April. I took 150mg and had a VERY magical roll that lasted 6+ hours. I had no crash whatsoever from this roll. I interpreted the extreme magic, long duration, and no crash as "oh my brain must be in great condition "
So then i really fucked up 3 days later and did 400mg molly. I had a horrendous crash from that which lead me to ensue into cocaine and ketamine abuse , which lead to me fucking up AGAIN and taking 2 ecstasy pills.
I've now been clean from MDMA for 1 month and 20 days. I've been clean from ALL drugs for 19 days (longest in over a year). I also recently started a healthy vegan diet and daily exercise. I'm also going to an ayahuasca retreat in 2 weeks with the hopes of reversing some of this MDMA damage.
Do you guys think it's too late for me? Will I ever be "normal" again? I'm only 19 years old and i just feel so hopeless. I don't feel like a 100% retard but i definitely feel like my cognition is significantly impaired. I even had to take a break from college because of this. I've accepted now that long-term MDMA abuse is NOT sustainable , and I will NOT be rolling anytime until 1 year after my last roll (possibly longer). When I do resume, I will never go above 200mg/session and always wait 3 months. I really am just hoping that I'm not like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I used to be so intelligent and had a really bright future but now I've just thrown that all in the garbage. I'm depressed, have debilitating anxiety, and my IQ has definitely lowered lots.
I'm hoping to hear stories from others who have abused as bad or worse than me and made a 100% recovery. I'm really just terrified because I read many people go overboard on molly ONCE and are still suffering months or years later.
Then I got into EDM and started going to concerts and festivals. Since January 2019, I've rolled about 20 times. I'll usually take 200mg and then redose 200mg at the 2 hr mark. For longer events/festivals i'll keep redosing. Most of my rolls are 400mg-600mg total, but I've done an entire gram in a night like 4 times. At my worst point of abuse (November - January), i was crying every single day. After my roll january 24 i nearly killed myself and went to a psychiatric hospital which is when i decided that I must lower my usage.
I went from January to early April without rolling and i felt better than i had in so long. I wasn't extremely depressed anymore, and I finally thought the dark part was behind me. But then I fucked up the first week of April. I took 150mg and had a VERY magical roll that lasted 6+ hours. I had no crash whatsoever from this roll. I interpreted the extreme magic, long duration, and no crash as "oh my brain must be in great condition "
So then i really fucked up 3 days later and did 400mg molly. I had a horrendous crash from that which lead me to ensue into cocaine and ketamine abuse , which lead to me fucking up AGAIN and taking 2 ecstasy pills.
I've now been clean from MDMA for 1 month and 20 days. I've been clean from ALL drugs for 19 days (longest in over a year). I also recently started a healthy vegan diet and daily exercise. I'm also going to an ayahuasca retreat in 2 weeks with the hopes of reversing some of this MDMA damage.
Do you guys think it's too late for me? Will I ever be "normal" again? I'm only 19 years old and i just feel so hopeless. I don't feel like a 100% retard but i definitely feel like my cognition is significantly impaired. I even had to take a break from college because of this. I've accepted now that long-term MDMA abuse is NOT sustainable , and I will NOT be rolling anytime until 1 year after my last roll (possibly longer). When I do resume, I will never go above 200mg/session and always wait 3 months. I really am just hoping that I'm not like this for the rest of my life. I feel like I used to be so intelligent and had a really bright future but now I've just thrown that all in the garbage. I'm depressed, have debilitating anxiety, and my IQ has definitely lowered lots.
I'm hoping to hear stories from others who have abused as bad or worse than me and made a 100% recovery. I'm really just terrified because I read many people go overboard on molly ONCE and are still suffering months or years later.