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Advice Is being a black guy a barrier to dating?

C

cowardescent

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
401
I'm really confused about this. I've heard that black guys are both fetishized in the dating world as well as reviled. Despite people talking about white women-black men relationships in the West, online dating shows that black men are at the bottom of responses. It's only Asian Men and Black Women who do worse.

I've had Tinder since Nov 2019 and got 6 matches. All of them have flaked on me. And I must say that most of them in my opinion aren't what I'd consider 'conventionally attractive' women. I only date outside my race. Most girls who match up are the 'artsy' girls (i.e. coloured hair, many rings, tattoos). Nothing wrong with that but it's not for me.

I realize I am in a way a hypocrite for not wanting to date these people but I don't blame them. I don't think it's racist. It's just that my friend told me that I should probably consider lightening my skin colour by a few shades with hydroquinone/kojic acid/retinol.
 
Well, I'm white and had tinder since like 300BC and all I ever got were flaky non-responders as well. Same on pretty much all the online apps, even ones which reckon they're more serious and generate genuine connections. So it may not be about race or skin color at all.

I think your best bet is to go out into the real world once the pandemic's over and to try meeting folks the old fashioned way.
 
cowardescent said:
I realize I am in a way a hypocrite for not wanting to date these people but I don't blame them. I don't think it's racist.
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i don't think its racist. i certainly have racial preferences in terms of sexual partners (not sure if it helps but black is in the 'would do' category for me). you aren't saying 'black women are all <insert misogynistic racist word of your choice>.' i don't really think its hypocritical either.

what are you writing on your profile? you don't have to be specific but i have a friend who noticed a massive drop in matches when he put that he was polyamorous, bi and didn't want children. maybe you are writing something that just puts people off.

cowardescent said:
It's just that my friend told me that I should probably consider lightening my skin colour by a few shades with hydroquinone/kojic acid/retinol.
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ffs do not!!!
 
cowardescent said:
Just curious, why?
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a) my understanding is that its very bad for your skin

b) if i had to describe my 'type' i'd say tall, dark and handsome. yet my boyf, on/off for 18 years now, is only an inch taller than me and has fair complexion. i get that you are trying to get to the first step of meeting someone, but ultimately, if you want a relationship rather than a shag, looks are pretty inconsequential.
 
cowardescent said:
I'm really confused about this. I've heard that black guys are both fetishized in the dating world as well as reviled. Despite people talking about white women-black men relationships in the West, online dating shows that black men are at the bottom of responses. It's only Asian Men and Black Women who do worse.

I've had Tinder since Nov 2019 and got 6 matches. All of them have flaked on me. And I must say that most of them in my opinion aren't what I'd consider 'conventionally attractive' women. I only date outside my race. Most girls who match up are the 'artsy' girls (i.e. coloured hair, many rings, tattoos). Nothing wrong with that but it's not for me.

I realize I am in a way a hypocrite for not wanting to date these people but I don't blame them. I don't think it's racist. It's just that my friend told me that I should probably consider lightening my skin colour by a few shades with hydroquinone/kojic acid/retinol.
Click to expand...
I mean I’m white and I exclusively date women who are darker than hell is hot.. lol it’s just a personal preference however have you considered broadening your search? As someone else suggested try meeting someone in the real world as opposed to cyber dating or whatever you want to call it. I met my wife in a bar and thank god I was drunk as hell or I never would’ve had the courage to speak to her. I actually approached her and complimented her beautiful brown eyes and asked her to buy me a beer because I had spend my bar allowance for the week that night lol. She obliged laughed and we talked the rest of the night. Ten years later we are married with a child and the rest is history.
 
I'm not even sure how people do online dating. I guess they have a knack for it. I'm only good at hitting on people in real life, although when I used facebook more back in 07' it was easy to experiment and use lines to get females interested but I never got further than friends. This one girl, though I got her number and we talked a few times but I never asked her out. I guess I still could

These sites that guarantee sex and stuff I couldn't take seriously unless it's like an underground prostitution ring. So between selling sex and selling personality, I'm not sure where to look online. I'd be fine with either one as long as the other person wasn't violent towards me
 
Let Us Hope Not that next twilight world my friends is Right Around The
 
Man is the title like a trick question or some attempt to pull reactions? lol I aint never seen a black guy not be able to get some ffs.
What part of the world are you currently in by chance?
 
cowardescent said:
It's just that my friend told me that I should probably consider lightening my skin colour by a few shades with hydroquinone/kojic acid/retinol.
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Please do not do this. Destroying your skin in order to meet fictionalized racial preferences is not a practice in which you are giving yourself the respect that you deserve. Your friend should not be suggesting this.

White women fetishizing black men (especially taller men) is certainly a common and real behavior. I've known quite a few white girls who would exclusively or near-exclusively fuck/date black guys.

I don't think that your race is the issue unless you are living in the deep south (e.g. rural Alabama) Tinder is not an app that most men have success on. Odds are that your profile isn't great or your photos suck. That is nothing against you, just an issue that most men I know have had with dating apps. And even with a good profile, you will probably not find success on Tinder for dating. It is near-exclusively a hookup app.

To echo everyone else, go out and meet people in the real-world. Go to a bar or a club if that's your kind of thing. Get some hobbies and go to classes/meetup groups for said hobbies. As long as you aren't focusing on it or trying to meet someone (People notice and are put off by desperation), you will probably meet someone.
 
Here is the dirty little secret about Tinder and the other online dating platforms: They pigeon-hole you into a limited pool and if you don't match with anyone within it you're out of luck. Try using it in another area or use other methods. Tinder would work great for me if I wanted random hook ups because I happen to have a fetish for the types of women it matches me with. If I was of a different race/background I would never see them. I hardly ever see white girls on it locally I would consider attractive. I know some of the ones I do use Tinder we're just never shown each other's profiles.

In case you're wondering. Yes race is one of the main things they use to place people in different pools. Not in the way you would expect though. Whatever you put in for preferences doesn't really matter. It's going to give you mostly the same results anyway. I just lucked out that it happens to spit out the cure for yellow fever for me. Well I don't really use it so I wouldn't say lucky.

If you want better results go out to places and meet people. If you're past college/school age then you're looking at social groups, social clubs, and volunteer work. Don't wait for the TV to tell you it's safe. Plenty of people are out and about right now and I haven't seen any of them getting sick. The fear of covid is a thing of the past for most people.
 
arrall said:
I don't think that your race is the issue unless you are living in the deep south (e.g. rural Alabama)
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Not true. I've spent some time down there. Plenty of mixed couples. The deep south is probably the least racist place in the country. It has the longest history of mixed communities and the highest population of non-whites. The hatchet was buried a long time ago.
 
Oh this thread is about dating apps!
My bad I thought we were talkin in public social situations.
Yeah... I don't know, then yes, no, maybe? I never used one.
 
I hated Punjabi girls never fancied them were not part of my wank bank I love white girls and married one we each have our taste in women or men.
 
As a white chick I would date a black man if we hit it off same as I would a white, Latino, Asian man ect. I’ve just had a very limited experience around black folks in general until recently. My high school had around 500 kids total and there was only one black guy that went there my entire 4 years. This guy was probably the most popular guy in school and it wasn’t because he was black like some kind of fetishized thing he is just so good looking (even almost 20 years later) nice, funny, smart (he tutored me in algebra) he was the running back for our football team, tall dark and handsome. He dated the little blonde cheerleader everyone loved because she is just an all around nice sweet caring girl, not to mention beautiful. And I’m not saying this as someone that was part of the “in”
crowd because that’s the farthest thing from the truth.Looking at his life from an outside viewer he seemed like he had it all going for him, I don’t know if he faced any racism at our school or growing up in rural Eastern Kentucky (sadly I would imagine so) just out of ignorance or flat out being a racist pos but I know given the chance I would have dated him in a heartbeat, not because he was black because he is just such a good guy. I would still date him lol. My family would have welcomed him same as any other guy of another race. I have seen more of the world since high school and have a few black friends I love to pieces but at my age (close to 40) most of them are married with families. It sucks any group feels singled out as undesirable in the dating world. Personally I would give a black guy the same chance as any other race it’s all about the personality and more so if he can make me laugh. I really hope you don’t lighten your skin I love the way black skin glistens in the sunlight, and it just seems to reflect and highlight how beautiful it is. Maybe ya just need better pics or a better introduction or opening line. I think it’s harder meeting and clicking with someone online myself, there is only so much you can really get to know about a person without face to face time together. Maybe it’s not your actual type but give one of us tattooed chicks a chance, you never know it might not be a dealbreaker once ya get to know each other. I really hope you find your dream woman who loves and appreciates you for who you are. Sorry about the long reply I just smoked a lot of weed and am feeling chatty.
 
Also if the artsy chicks ain’t your type there is nothing wrong with not dating them, that does not make you a hypocrite at all dude. It’s good to know what you want in a woman and you shouldn’t settle for anything less. You’re not attracted to that type of girl so you probably won’t have that chemistry or click and that’s really important in any relationship. Definitely not a hypocrite for that.
 
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