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TDS Introduce Yourself! Version: Hello! Hola! Bonjour! 你好!

Hi there. I'm male, late thirties. USA. Struggled most of my life with nihlistic and sadistic and masochistic tendencies. Abused all the drugs I could for all the wrong reasons from an early age. (Teens) Only had my shit together about a decade now. I struggle sometimes still with depression, apathy, nihlism and self destructive impulses. I have found a number of positive outlets and am doing OK. On some days I feel very empathetic and helpful. Other days not so much. Seeking the tao of balancing a healthy contempt for society with some measure of understanding of the human experience and being selfless when I can. It's uphill but I am on it. I am well versed when it comes to some basic psychology and pharmacology but mostly I'm just a perpetual novice trying to understand life. I'll help others when and if I can so long as I am not too busy wrestling those demons. I have a warped sense of humor and extremely duplicitous nature. Try not to take anything I say too seriously. But I'll do what I can to participate while leaving a net positive as a result from those interactions.
 
Greetings, welcome to the site :)

It's good to find others that have similar experiences to talk to.
Bluelight has an awesome support community.

~Verri
 
Just saying hello. Not getting into details atm as I don't have the time.
However, since I posted here & in Mental Health I thought I should throw out a a greetings.

Normally I wouldn't post in these forums hell I haven't posted on BL in probably years but due to a recent experience I feel obligated to help others avoid there very own personal hell as Tom Shear so pointedly put it.
Those not familiar with Assemblage 23 might not get the reference but see my about me for more info & I recommend checking out the lyrics in question as they are quite interesting imho.
I find they tend to speak to those who are in a position they might not wish to be in as I'm guessing many who post here are.

So greetings to all & perhaps I will be posting more in your respective forums in the future beyond what I have posted this night.
 
Hello everyone,
I came across this forum a while back after a failed attempt to quit Suboxone. I figured that I would actually join and ask for help this time and here I am!
I have a long history of addiction. I got hooked on Speed, Ecstasy, Alcohol and weed when I was 16 and at the age of 22 I was in Rehab. I did 3 months of Primary residential care rehab and went on to do another 7 months in secondary care and then a half way house. Most people in rehab were either in there for Heroin, cocaine or alcohol abuse and so I was the odd one out. I relapsed with a group of friends who were all ex-Heroin users and because I'd never used the drug I stupidly thought that perhaps I could use it and not get addicted! I know - totally insane right?

I used for 6 months and then got a methadone script and got clean by going cold turkey and switching to alcohol. I got into a total mess but finally cleaned up after another year or so and moved back to Wales where I have family. I moved back to Wales in 1999 and although my alcohol problems resurfaced, I dealt with that and am 6 years sober. I have a girlfriend and we have been together for 8 years. She stood by me through the alcohol abuse and it nearly broke her. Around 3 years ago I stupidly dabbled with Heroin again after thinking I was safe from it. I'm a binge user and I went on a 3 week bender that resulted in my having to go and see a drug worker and get a Suboxone script.

My girlfriend knows nothing of this and I know, I'm a ****. I got down from 24mg suboxone to just 0.2mg and tried to quit. I thought it would be easy because my drug worker told me that people quit from 2mg with little to no side effects. After 5 days of hell I started to wonder what was going on and why I wasn't feeling any better and I found this forum. That was a year ago and I've been back on the Suboxone since then. I'm at 2mg now and getting ready to drop as low as possible and gather as much info as possible to help me successfully quit this time.

Thanks to everyone who's posted about their problems - without you, i'd feel totally alone.
 
Welcome, Hunter, I'm glad you are here for the support. You'll find many people here with experience quitting subs as well as with the poly-addiction issues you spoke of. I wish you the best of luck and have faith that you can see it through this time.<3

@IndustrialStrength: welcome!I hope we will hear more from you.
 
Hey everyone i am Schultzy.
i am in my early 20`s living in PA.
I was on the PA state travel team for lacrosse and received many scholarships to play in college which i took one in PA. i use to workout every day, run and would be the life of the party. But now i am struggling with a two year opiate habit that has left me unable to play lacrosse. i had to take a semester off because it is getting worse. I have decided it is time to quit and take my life back before drugs and live sober and i do not want to go on subs. i am pretty alone now so i really have no support which is why i come here. i plan on kicking this habit once and for all. i have tried a couple of times but always went back. hopefully with alittle support i can get back into shape and try out for some teams next semester.
 
Hi Schultzy and congratulations on making the decision to quit. Jump into monthly Staying Sober thread over in Sober Living for a daily check in. Using Bluelight in addition to meetings and whatever other kind of real life support you can find is essential. You've tried before so you know what you are up against and you can be prepared when the triggers sneak back in. Best of luck and again, I'm just glad to see you here.
 
annachronism said:
Hi 27 years old just moved from California to Germany with my 5 year old. On day 3 of pretty nasty kratom withdrawals. Also 9 weeks pregnant. Currently dealing with exhaustion from not sleeping and dealing with a jetlagged little boy. i also feel pretty lonely and isolated and am starting to undergo some mild culture shock. Could use people to talk to
Click to expand...

Hi,
You can get good assistance in Germany. How are you doing with your German?
It's difficult in the beginning but You'll be fine. Germans are a bit cold on the 'outside' but once you've become more acquainted, you'll adapt faster than you think. Germans like people from California:)
Good luck!
Erik
 
I already made a thread about my benzo addiction but I'm not really helping it a bit. I'm drunk and high on Lyrica (I think I've taken about 1000 mg today...). Lyrica almost obliterates the benzo WD but I have (ab)used so much Lyrica the last 3 weeks I get extreme twitches and shakes if I stop taking Lyrica CT. Fuck. Now I have to taper the Lyrica first and then think about trying to taper the benzos. I feel really fucked. I have a demanding job and have to keep education course to our customers, next week at least 2 educations...I have to take Pyrazolam and/or Etizolam to manage these customer educations. I don't know if I should just stop taking Lyrica CT and manage it with Flubromazepam and Etizolam. I got Lyrica with prescription before (2 x 300 mg /day) but no doctor prescribes it anymore because of my history of addiction....
 
...And this is part of my addiction; I'm drunk and high on 1000+ mg on Lyrica. I feel absolutely amazing...But I know that when the alcohol wears off the shakings and palpitations start.

I'm destroying my life.

I'm a very experienced psychonaut and I consider taking LSD (no, not now as I'm high on GABAergics) some weekend soon to uncover what makes me drink. Ketamine doesn't do the trick, the K-hole is an escape from the physical world. I need something earth-shattering to start questioning my abuse of alcohol when I'm supposed to taper down these fuck!ng benzos. 4-AcO-DMT is by far my favourite psychedelic, but too sedating.
 
^^
With some support I successfully came off benzos and alcohol within the same plan, because of the benzos I was able to cease the alcohol quite quickly and I was drinking a bottle of whiskey a day.

The benzo taper was tough but those 2 drugs messed me up more than anything else I've ever got into, I was so physically ill from drinking but didnt even know it.

You don't need LSD to work these things out, in fact with benzos and booze floating around in your system you know yourself you won't get the best from such substances.

Kicking benzos and booze into touch was one of the best things I've ever done, I don't drink at all now and it's rare I miss it, IME it ruins the psychedelic experience and heavy daily use effects you mentally and physically far more than you realise at the time.

If you're into 'reaching out into the glittering hyperspace' these are not drugs that you should be polluting yourself with, again you know this already...right?

I'm not suggesting it will be easy but getting off these 2 drugs will deliver more clarity and insight than attempting to fix things with more substances. Think about that clarity and how much more those psychedelic experiences would be without these things dumbing down your being
 
There are threads where you can post your pictures. Search for "pictures", and select the thread which suits you best.
 
Hi.. I'm not particularly new to bluelight, I've been using the site as a way to expand my knowledge on substances for a few years now. I am quite young, but extremely far from naive.. 18 to be exact, and I live in this shit-state known as Ohio. I've been battling addiction since around the age of 13 , mainly stims and opiates, and various mental disorders for as long as I can remember.. Ptsd due to a terrible chain of events in my childhood being the most evident one.. Not like life has improved much since then but I get by best to the best of my ability.. But yeah thats about it..
 
Hey! Welcome to the recovery forums. It's makes me sad to hear an 18 year old say he/she (sorry, can't tell by the username) addiction "for years". You'll find a lot of company here that understand exactly where you are coming from though. PM me any time if you have any questions or even if you just need some extra support.Addiction can make anyone feel alone but shouldering that burden when you haven't even finished growing up is a tough road.<3
 
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