Into the void

[King Tussin III]

Hello friends, this is my first post on this drug forum post so this is a little hard for me to write about. Now to the story, it all started back in high school when I started dating my first girlfriend. We dated for quite a long time and our relationship was never perfect but we loved each other dearly and my cat cared for her in a way that was impossible to describe(though i'm sure some of you reading this understand the feeling). Long story short we broke up earlier this year and have been on and off in a strange type of relationship and this is where the issues began. I have never been one to use drugs having only smoking weed several times over the years but after the breakup I started drinking periodically and before I knew it, I tried LSD. Now acid isn't a bad drug in and of itself and has had quite a great number of experiences, but it lead to me beginning to experiment with all kinds of drugs. I moved on to opiates, blow sometimes, molly, speed, benzos, more psychedelics, and basically anything that would lead to me escaping reality. My grades in school dropped from 3.5 to 3.0 and I eventually quit my job and had to move out of state due to making a really bad choice involving ripping off his plug. All this happened suddenly for me (over the span of 6 months to this point) and I am afraid I may have started to develop a psychological addiction to the idea of getting high in general because I have never abused a single drug enough to develop a physical tolerance. It really just saddens me how a broken heart just lead me down this road and it's at the point where i'm even ashamed to tell my friends about my continued habits due to the fact that i'm afraid of losing people around me thinking i'm a loser. I stayed away from drugs for about a month since I moved but I have started to do the same thing again gradually and it is now almost everyday. I know my situation isn't as serious as others but I just do not want to keep down this road, I want to be able to be happy without the need to be high off something. I have a great family that supports me and some of whom I have told about my habits and they are understanding which is helpful but I still feel a sense of loneliness no matter what even when i'm happier. I am very confused, am I addicted mentally? and what can I do to try to break away from this before it becomes worse, thank you to anyone who read this completely.

 

[bomber]

This is hard to read. Don't use "swim" my cat and other bs.
Anyway, I can see what you are talking about. It's not mental addiction, I think, but some kind of obsesion. But you realise you are playing a dangerous game, that's a good thing. It's all up to you what you want to do.
In the way I see it, there are 2 choises. You continue giving up to that kind of obsession until you get physically addicted to something or you take a break and don't use any drug no matter how hard you want it until you don't feel like that anymore.

 

[pharmacybandit]

Bomber is right. And from my experience, it would be a better choice to quit now and appreciate the fact you recognized a problem before it became one!

 

[Moreaux]

Welcome to Bluelight King Tussin III (I like that username btw). You're young and have great insight - kudos for being so self aware that you recognize the changes in your substance use. I think your concern is valid - it does sound like you are self medicating and are relying on substances more and more to handle the stress of life. It would be in your best interest to stop or take an extended break for a while. I think you need to really analyze your feelings and your life and see what's going wrong as I have think your issues lie deeper than just a break up. I also think you need to examine how you react to stress and learn productive healthy coping mechanisms. This is probably one of the most stressful times in a person's life as you are setting the foundations for the rest of your life now. Developing successful strategies to deal with stress now will benefit you for the rest of your life. Again I think it's great that you caught this while young as it dramatically improves your chances of making changes and avoiding the pitfalls of addiction. Please let me know of you have any questions or want to know specifics. Good luck!