I've been using meth pretty much daily for almost a year now, along with several other drugs.. I know it has a strong effect on brain chemistry/dopamine/depression and all that, but I've been wondering about this lately.. My grandma (my mom's mom) was diagnosed with severe psychotic bi polar disorder. She got a 51-50 and even recieved electric shock treatment (back in the '60s). She's been on mood stabilizers and anti-psycotics for years, and she just seems very introverted and even, I've never seen her upset, or laugh for that matter...So I know the disease is genetic, and I'm a heavy drug user.. I'm 17 too which is around the time the symptoms start to show, far as I know? idk I'm just wondering what the chance of me triggering bi-polar disorder due to my meth/other drug use? What would the early signs be? and would it be as sevre as my grandma, or does it just vary person to person/brain chemistry to brain chemistry? I'm just tripping on this. She was really fucking crazy for a while, I've heard some scary stories...
Stimulants info on meth use triggering bi polar disorder?
- Thread starter Tru707
- Start date
- Status
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder before I started using meth. I used meth to improve my mood when I was depressed, and used weed as a mood stabilizer. All in all, it worked very well, although lately I've been trying to figure out a more legal solution. All I need to do is slip up once at, say, an international border, and I'm fucked.
The trouble with meth is that considering how it comes, it's hard to keep your dosages from steadily rising over time. And if that does end up happening, high doses are more likely to do damage.
I think it's unlikely that using meth would mean the difference between having bipolar disorder and not having it; genetics is more likely and it's entirely possible, and even probable, that you don't have that gene at all. After all, your odds of having a gene from any of your grandparents is only one out of four.
The trouble with meth is that considering how it comes, it's hard to keep your dosages from steadily rising over time. And if that does end up happening, high doses are more likely to do damage.
I think it's unlikely that using meth would mean the difference between having bipolar disorder and not having it; genetics is more likely and it's entirely possible, and even probable, that you don't have that gene at all. After all, your odds of having a gene from any of your grandparents is only one out of four.
find balance.
im bp1 too, prior to the diagnosis I was using MDMA and methamphetamine s, I realize (and have been told by doctors) that meth can bring on manic or even psychotic episodes: so one answer is to abstain from these drugs entirely, another answer and the one I have subscribed to involves using amphetamines still, and involves taking other medication to pick up some of the slack and calm you down so when your feeling like a boss on a nice little dose of the right stuff, you are able to control yourself, and able to keep cortisol(sp) levels and subsequently your stress and irritably atbay. small doses of adhd medication with benzos thrughout and an antipsychotic afterwards to sleep, however i am only offering my opinion, i am not a medical student nor do i have sufficient knowledge about biology, as all my info is from personal struggle. take care, and my answer to you is dont take meth, take dex, or rita but not meth and if you take prescript stims take antipsycotics, i prefer seroquel, however olanzapine(sp) also works but is heavier and is my backup: talk to a doctor.
im bp1 too, prior to the diagnosis I was using MDMA and methamphetamine s, I realize (and have been told by doctors) that meth can bring on manic or even psychotic episodes: so one answer is to abstain from these drugs entirely, another answer and the one I have subscribed to involves using amphetamines still, and involves taking other medication to pick up some of the slack and calm you down so when your feeling like a boss on a nice little dose of the right stuff, you are able to control yourself, and able to keep cortisol(sp) levels and subsequently your stress and irritably atbay. small doses of adhd medication with benzos thrughout and an antipsychotic afterwards to sleep, however i am only offering my opinion, i am not a medical student nor do i have sufficient knowledge about biology, as all my info is from personal struggle. take care, and my answer to you is dont take meth, take dex, or rita but not meth and if you take prescript stims take antipsycotics, i prefer seroquel, however olanzapine(sp) also works but is heavier and is my backup: talk to a doctor.
HdoubleODeezy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 25, 2009
- Messages
- 6,753
Bipolar disorder runs in my family but i never had a problem with it until i used MDMA every other day for a year. I then moved on to opiates and thought the up and down rollercoaster ride my mind was on was due to w/d's and getting high. Well when i got sick of it i went to see a psychiatrist and told him all my history of my life (like drug use, ages i used at, medicines i have been on, and previously diagnosed disorders and more [was a while ago, can't remember it all] ) and he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder with psychotic symptoms. Have been on Zyprexa and Haloperidol for years now and i am improving but i still don't feel right, But that can have to do with my 7 year 10mg clonazepam/day addiction and w/d's comming off them and opiates. Bottom line, my Bipolar runs in my family for sure but i didn't get any symptoms until after heavy drug use. Good luck, and i suggest stopping stims if you don't want psychosis, the more you do.. the higher your chances of inheriting the disorder from your roots.
Mentalhead
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2006
- Messages
- 115
I'm a little late on this thread, but I'm a bipolar meth user so I thought I'd throw in my piece:
First off, the disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a scientist. I haven't even graduated college. I'm just a cracked out, mentally ill druggie. Please do not consider me an authority on this subject. If something I say makes sense to you, double check with a professional. If something I say does not make sense to you, feel free to correct me on it. In either case, do your own research.
That being said...
I was diagnosed after my first year of college, which involved a lot of weed and alcohol with a little acid, k, mdma/ecstasy, adderall, oxy, diazepam, and I'm sure there were a few others that I've forgotten. I had not deliberately used meth when I was diagnosed, but I may have had it in the e pills I took.
It's hard to say which drug (if any) really brought out the bipolar, but I'm fairly sure that if I hadn't gone overboard with all of them I would be much healthier today. ALL of the mental health professionals I've spoken with have told me that drug use brought out the bipolar in me. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're right; there are a lot of alternative perspectives to psychiatric medicine regarding mental health. But looking back on my life I see a pretty direct correlation between drugs in general and my diagnosis.
Now, on to meth in particular: I just started using recently, and it is astounding just how well the highs and lows of meth mimic my natural mania and depression. I have been told that every time your mind gets into a certain state (depression, mania, psychosis, etc.) that makes it easier for it to return to that state in the future. When you're all strung out and your thoughts are racing and you see shadow people and hear voices, you're strengthening the "crazy as fuck" programming in your brain. Conversely, when you're coming down and you can't get out of bed or think a happy thought, you're re-enforcing the depressive thought patterns in your mind. So if you have a high susceptibility to bipolar disorder because of genetics, and you do meth, you're basically training your brain to be bipolar. I have no doubt that if I keep using, I'm going to get a lot worse and probably render myself permanently disabled. That's why I'm trying my hardest to stop.
First off, the disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a scientist. I haven't even graduated college. I'm just a cracked out, mentally ill druggie. Please do not consider me an authority on this subject. If something I say makes sense to you, double check with a professional. If something I say does not make sense to you, feel free to correct me on it. In either case, do your own research.
That being said...
I was diagnosed after my first year of college, which involved a lot of weed and alcohol with a little acid, k, mdma/ecstasy, adderall, oxy, diazepam, and I'm sure there were a few others that I've forgotten. I had not deliberately used meth when I was diagnosed, but I may have had it in the e pills I took.
It's hard to say which drug (if any) really brought out the bipolar, but I'm fairly sure that if I hadn't gone overboard with all of them I would be much healthier today. ALL of the mental health professionals I've spoken with have told me that drug use brought out the bipolar in me. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're right; there are a lot of alternative perspectives to psychiatric medicine regarding mental health. But looking back on my life I see a pretty direct correlation between drugs in general and my diagnosis.
Now, on to meth in particular: I just started using recently, and it is astounding just how well the highs and lows of meth mimic my natural mania and depression. I have been told that every time your mind gets into a certain state (depression, mania, psychosis, etc.) that makes it easier for it to return to that state in the future. When you're all strung out and your thoughts are racing and you see shadow people and hear voices, you're strengthening the "crazy as fuck" programming in your brain. Conversely, when you're coming down and you can't get out of bed or think a happy thought, you're re-enforcing the depressive thought patterns in your mind. So if you have a high susceptibility to bipolar disorder because of genetics, and you do meth, you're basically training your brain to be bipolar. I have no doubt that if I keep using, I'm going to get a lot worse and probably render myself permanently disabled. That's why I'm trying my hardest to stop.
socalpopper
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2010
- Messages
- 164
In my experience any form of amphetamine, used excessively for long periods of time, can cause/trigger these disorders. Although, I do believe that these triggered responses are already present, amphetamine abuse brings them out faster. And to deal with it then, you just throw more drugs on it to cover it up. The only way to deal with a mental disorder is recognize it, stop using, and seek help.
You can't just cut down, but you must seize all drug use. Just my thoughts based on previous experience.
You can't just cut down, but you must seize all drug use. Just my thoughts based on previous experience.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2008
- Messages
- 94,868
If you are bipolar, or likely to become bipolar, I wouldn't use any form of amphetamine or stimulant type drugs.
thats probably some good advice
For me, I feel like Valium has triggered bi polar disorder, I mean ive always thought ive had it.. although the doctors just said im depressed, however I think it has. My view anyway, not to sure abt amphetamines (however, after doing speed/base for a couple of days/ after I felt like I did feel like I might have triggered bi polar)
I was diagnosed with Bipolar with psychotic episode as well as being a rapid cycler 20 years ago after having a manic episode. I have been doing meth for 12 years. Im on 3 meds for the bipolar. They work but they just dont get the job done... always tired and have no motivation. I inhale meth a couple times a week for a couple of days so I can get things done and I can socialize with people. I sleep at night and mostly hangout watching tv or something on the days in between. Ive never had a psychotic episode and everyone thinks I'm completely normal when using meth. When I'm not using meth everybody thinks something is wrong cuz I dont want to see anyone or do anything. I guess what I'm trying to say is some people need that extra lift and their body is fine with it but other should never touch it cuz it will have dangerous side effects. As far as meth causing bipolar I just think it depends on your bodies chemistry and how it reacts to other chemicals and also if you carry the gene. The way I see it is meth, lithium, calozapam and zoloft are all drugs.... some legal some not but I'm going to do whatever I have too to live a half decent and comfortable life cuz without the meth I would hardly get out of bed and never leave my house.
Good luck with the outcome from the past and Id probably quit using meth cuz you never know what will happen later on down the road because of something you did today.
Good luck with the outcome from the past and Id probably quit using meth cuz you never know what will happen later on down the road because of something you did today.
Meth use
I never thought I could try meth or would. But unfortunately I got a roommate who does. I buy about $20 and make it last awhile. I knew I was bipolar in 2003 at age 36. I think bipolar is so bad a person will try to stop it. And the help for bipolar is poor. If meth triggers your bipolar it would be by keeping you up for days. Try as much as you can to stop meth. Do all the things to help your disorder. I was go ogling bipolar on meth. I saw your post. Think of the health problems you will have from meth. Bipolar involves a chemical brain imbalance. The chemicals being produced like dopamine are not working right. Or there's too much. Treatment for bipolar is medication and psychotherapy or counseling. Good you ask questions. Good luck
I never thought I could try meth or would. But unfortunately I got a roommate who does. I buy about $20 and make it last awhile. I knew I was bipolar in 2003 at age 36. I think bipolar is so bad a person will try to stop it. And the help for bipolar is poor. If meth triggers your bipolar it would be by keeping you up for days. Try as much as you can to stop meth. Do all the things to help your disorder. I was go ogling bipolar on meth. I saw your post. Think of the health problems you will have from meth. Bipolar involves a chemical brain imbalance. The chemicals being produced like dopamine are not working right. Or there's too much. Treatment for bipolar is medication and psychotherapy or counseling. Good you ask questions. Good luck
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,724
^^^
This.
If you're bipolar avoid using meth and other drugs including cannabis and booze. Good luck.
SixBuckets
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2015
- Messages
- 1,222
17 - 25 is the big danger zone for mental illness, especially mood and psychotic disorders. While people can develop them outside of this window, most people who get diagnosed with things like bipolar exhibit first symptoms in this window.
If you're really struggling with the idea of quitting meth for your mental health (which, seriously, enough people have told you is the best plan) at least consider delaying your use until you're outside the "developing your adult brain" window. Bi polar is really not fun. I wouldn't have like to have gone through the early days of it while struggling with a meth addiction as well.
If you're really struggling with the idea of quitting meth for your mental health (which, seriously, enough people have told you is the best plan) at least consider delaying your use until you're outside the "developing your adult brain" window. Bi polar is really not fun. I wouldn't have like to have gone through the early days of it while struggling with a meth addiction as well.
Billybadjoebob
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2016
- Messages
- 108
Excuse my extreme tardiness here, but my sleeplessness-fueld aimless lurking on BL landed me here. I'm a firm believer of small inconspicuous details or what have you are generally quite significant. So, despite the likely fruitlessness of this post I feel compelled to share my personal experience with bipolar disorder. Maybe someone somewhere reads this and it soothes them; even better maybe they would at least contemplate seeking treatment.
The replies to the OP here are all with nothing but the best of intentions. Our role here in this community is harm reduction. I have a personal belief that if there is anything that needs active harm reduction more than substance abuse it is mental disorders. Personality and mood disorders in particular. It is so very important to address any indicators of a mental illness AS SOON as they manifest. You can live life being schizophrenic to a degree and never even know it. Just because something doesn't feel/seem wrong or unusual does not mean it is right. And this is where the brutal double edge of mental illnesses come in. While you must be vigilant in monitoring your mental well-being it is just as important to not get trapped in the details and possibilities. Whatever you do, for the love of God, DO NOT go browsing WebMD or other sites looking at symptoms you believe you possess. The illogical truth is anybody can fit the mold of any of those symptomatic lists. That is where medical professionals come in. They are quite aware of the overly-general guidelines put forth in that travesty known as the DSM. Mental health professionals exist because of that reality, they've rigorously trained for years and some even decades to assess the patient, the DSM and utilize their training, experience, and patient feedback to develop a course of treatment or initially stabilization. The first few steps on the road to mental illness recovery or preparedness more accurately is notoriously difficult and seemingly stagnant. As of today's age that is all we have to work with, sadly. Most mental illnesses do not have physical indicators. Whereas a the pain from a headache is known to be caused by pressure being put on your brain from arteries and veins. Nobody even knows exactly what depression even is or how it works.
Ever notice on those anti-depressant commercials they always throw in a generic disclaimer along the lines of, "Although the cause of depression is unknown, it is thought to be related to an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. (insert their medicine) works to help correct this imbalance."
Those disclaimers are there for a reason. Reason being nobody knows what the fuck is really going on in our heads in reference to that. Not to downplay clinical depression or even seasonal depression by one bit at all, as it is a very serious condition, but if we don't comprehend depression how in the fuck can we even begin to act like we know what we are doing when it comes to more debilitating illnesses such as schizophrenia, borderline-personality disorder, any personality disorder at that. And bipolar disorder as well. Do not kid yourself for one second that bipolar is dangerous. It is incredibly dangerous much the same way as walking pneumonia. It's not that the pneumonia is such a horrible case, comparatively it isn't. Hence why you can "walk" and function with it and think you just have a cold or bronchitis or something. The underlying issue lies with it's elusiveness rather than it's pathology. Basically, you don't realize how sick you really are because the symptoms don't seem too far from ordinary. This leads to neglecting the problem and we all know where that can lead.
Think of mental disorders much in the same way. From this point on I will only refer to bipolar. That is all I am qualified, for unfortunately I carry that burden in my very soul. I just REALLY need to stress something to you, OP. I am in no way, shape or form insinuating that you don't have bipolar or some other mental disorder. But, I am begging you to understand the nature of this 'world' and the life-ruining gravity of it. I do have some general questions that if for some reason you ever happen back to this post I hope you would answer. None of what I will say/am saying should be taken in offense.
Something that came across my mind as I read and re-read your post was the language you used. There are just way too many variables here at play so I will be direct, should you ever return. From a completely removed and objective view the first thing I honestly found pop up in my head after reading your post was it came off just a bit like you were probably high at the time? If you were that's fine. When I first began accepting bipolar and even times now I find that when I am on methamphetamine specifically I am much more able and likely to talk and try to reveal myself. The only issue is the price Tina demands cannot be paid by anyone. Back to my point, if you were indeed blasted when you wrote that then I would be wiling to put money on that you were probably just geeking and somehow ended up on that topic, bipolar that is, and ended up tweaking over it. It happens. Hell, just last week I made the rookiest of rookie mistakes, was on day three of a binge and some fucking how got reading about skin issues related to methamphetamine. Fuck, before I got to sleep I was certain I had a giant fucking abscess from a shot I botched that day and was starting to get 'scales' on my bicep. Woke up, I had a cut on my bicep my cat gave me waaaaay earlier that day and I didn't even have a bruise let alone abscess at the injection site. So, basically don't look into medical things when you've been up more than two days.
If you weren't high then that is another case. I do have to point something out, when it comes to considering if you may have a mental illness it is generally a more (lack of a better word) normal response to do every thing you can imagine to justify that you don't suffer from one. I see entirely too many younger people who think terms such as bipolar are just a label and something you feel. Depression is something you feel, bipolar is how you are. It isn't understood anywhere close to the level that we desperately need it to be. I am only 25 years old and my whole life growing up I recall all those SSRI commercials talking about how depression is just a simple imbalance of neurotransmitters (brain juices). In a short 20 some years since then they have already changed/evolved their 'understanding' of depression. Now it is commonly THOUGHT (there's that word again) depression is nowhere near as elementary as a chemical imbalance. Now they're throwing around the possibility of the physical structure of the brain, neural circuitry and all of these neurological terms that I do not fully understand as I am not a neurologist. Again, that was just referring to simple depression.
Next I would like to point out a correlation, not causation that is a wide misconception about bipolar. Don't have the source on hand, but if anyone reads this and is interested I shall provide it. Contrary to popular belief bipolar is not a genetic hand me down as once was thought. There is a fair amount of correlation to suggest that, but it is by no means a proof or close to it. A lot of psychiatry professionals have shifted towards the belief that the majority of mental illnesses are brought about by environmental factors. Not so sure how I feel about that one, but the point remains the same. If bipolar was a genetic failure then we could predict it's manifestations through a family line with somewhat of a fair accuracy. Some studies show that people with bipolar actually tend to not have anyone in their immediate family who has a history of the disorder. Again, statistics are near pointless.
As far as the signs of bipolar manifesting and how to tell... I am sorry to say you 9 times out of 10 will not be able to predict it. Or even know it until a particularly bad episode hits. That's the thing. Mental disorders AFFECT your BRAIN and how you function. So, if you were bipolar and you exhibited the hallmark symptoms you wouldn't be able to just say oh well shit, there it is. I am bipolar now. No sir, it takes YEARS of therapy and medication to get to a stabilized point. I won't bore with the details of stabilization and the types of bipolar etc. I am 25 and it has been about four years that I have accepted the fact that this is who I am and who I will always be. Until that plateau is reached, treatment is hell and basically consists of switching medicines until you find the one that works for you. THEN once you get stabilized you can begin the nitty gritty and start figuring things out like why you do this, or why yo blah blah. This will allow you to notice your own triggers and unique telltales of an episode. That process culminates in a precious, precious thing called understanding. When you understand why something is the way it is, it suddenly becomes feasible if not probable to cope and find a way to overcome. Understanding of why things are with me they are, for myself at least, was just equally as important as the therapy and medications.
At the time of the OP you said you were 17? Well, shrinks (especially newer ones) FUCKING LOVE to throw around the bipolar diagnosis. Due in part to because it is the most easily misdiagnosed of the ailments of the mind. Just way too vague of 'requirements'. They can seem like other disorders entirely. So, if a shrink diagnosis you after ONE session. Find a new shrink. I've heard tales from my doctor of people he knew as colleagues that would literally just throw bipolar out there because they didn't want to deal with that particular patient. AKA lazy.
Also, if you are under the age of 18 you cannot medically be diagnosed bipolar. I was at 16, 18, and 20 (had to be sure hahaha) so that is not to say the diagnosis isn't correct. It just more often than not is not accurate due to the incredible amount of growing and developing your brain has left to do. You can't judge an oak tree by its sapling. Sadly, bipolar is becoming a bit like ADHD, in the sense that fucking everyone and their dog has it. Celebrities have it and are near idolized for their 'artistic and raw selves'. I am a poet and musician first and foremost, those are literally my life. Well, you can fucking take your art and ideals and passion if I can just have a day where I wake up and know it will be a good day. Or know it will be a bad one, either way. I wake up and I don't know what that day will be like. Can you imagine how literally waiting by the minute just to see how you feel about life and whether or not this day will work? I don't know if I can uphold my promises I have made or if I will even get out of bed. At the same time I could be up and ready bright and early and go do yard work or other shit that people typically don't do in Minnesota in December.
It's a fucked up road, man. And whatever happened I honestly pray that you didn't end up with this diagnosis. Because I assure you that anything you've heard or thought (if any) about the glory and beauty in bipolar and how all the greatest artists were bipolar, is a fucking lie. They weren't great because they were bipolar, they were great artists who happened to be bipolar. There is no unsung pride or glory in this. It is something we don't have a choice in.
If you ended up being bipolar, then I sincerely pray and hope that you're taking it seriously and managing it effectively in a safe manner.
This is all apart from doing drugs with bipolar. I am ending my tirade now so I won't delve, but in short doing drugs is generally a bad idea with any mental problem. The nature of bipolar (especialllllllly type 1) is the devil's playground for substance abuse to hit your life in a hard way. Meth, for example, it becomes at some point about chasing that first high. Add bipolar, now on top of chasing that high you are chasing the feeling separate from the euphoria. Stimulants are often a staple for many bipolar addicts, because it makes us feel normal to be honest. However, it is not meant for that and it is not administered or monitored by a physician so you already know how that can end. To top this giant shitfuck that is bipolar off, the symptoms of mania and meth use are nearly identical. Type 1 bipolar people can often like being manic, love it even to an extent. It's the only time you're actually able to not just be productive, but to even fucking participate in life. So, it is not uncommon to see people get addicted to being manic. That is a beast meaner than any drug I have done. You can't walk that line and get away with it. Mania has a really weird habit of once it starts it does not stop. Imagine being up 4 days straight, no meth, no stimulants, no drugs. Then by that fourth day you are talking to a hallucination about your delusions you've had in the past, literally bawling your heart out that you want to sleep. Think of extreme mania as having a bunch of meth, but you don't get any say in when you dose or how much you dose. Also, you don't know when you will run out.
/endrant
The replies to the OP here are all with nothing but the best of intentions. Our role here in this community is harm reduction. I have a personal belief that if there is anything that needs active harm reduction more than substance abuse it is mental disorders. Personality and mood disorders in particular. It is so very important to address any indicators of a mental illness AS SOON as they manifest. You can live life being schizophrenic to a degree and never even know it. Just because something doesn't feel/seem wrong or unusual does not mean it is right. And this is where the brutal double edge of mental illnesses come in. While you must be vigilant in monitoring your mental well-being it is just as important to not get trapped in the details and possibilities. Whatever you do, for the love of God, DO NOT go browsing WebMD or other sites looking at symptoms you believe you possess. The illogical truth is anybody can fit the mold of any of those symptomatic lists. That is where medical professionals come in. They are quite aware of the overly-general guidelines put forth in that travesty known as the DSM. Mental health professionals exist because of that reality, they've rigorously trained for years and some even decades to assess the patient, the DSM and utilize their training, experience, and patient feedback to develop a course of treatment or initially stabilization. The first few steps on the road to mental illness recovery or preparedness more accurately is notoriously difficult and seemingly stagnant. As of today's age that is all we have to work with, sadly. Most mental illnesses do not have physical indicators. Whereas a the pain from a headache is known to be caused by pressure being put on your brain from arteries and veins. Nobody even knows exactly what depression even is or how it works.
Ever notice on those anti-depressant commercials they always throw in a generic disclaimer along the lines of, "Although the cause of depression is unknown, it is thought to be related to an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. (insert their medicine) works to help correct this imbalance."
Those disclaimers are there for a reason. Reason being nobody knows what the fuck is really going on in our heads in reference to that. Not to downplay clinical depression or even seasonal depression by one bit at all, as it is a very serious condition, but if we don't comprehend depression how in the fuck can we even begin to act like we know what we are doing when it comes to more debilitating illnesses such as schizophrenia, borderline-personality disorder, any personality disorder at that. And bipolar disorder as well. Do not kid yourself for one second that bipolar is dangerous. It is incredibly dangerous much the same way as walking pneumonia. It's not that the pneumonia is such a horrible case, comparatively it isn't. Hence why you can "walk" and function with it and think you just have a cold or bronchitis or something. The underlying issue lies with it's elusiveness rather than it's pathology. Basically, you don't realize how sick you really are because the symptoms don't seem too far from ordinary. This leads to neglecting the problem and we all know where that can lead.
Think of mental disorders much in the same way. From this point on I will only refer to bipolar. That is all I am qualified, for unfortunately I carry that burden in my very soul. I just REALLY need to stress something to you, OP. I am in no way, shape or form insinuating that you don't have bipolar or some other mental disorder. But, I am begging you to understand the nature of this 'world' and the life-ruining gravity of it. I do have some general questions that if for some reason you ever happen back to this post I hope you would answer. None of what I will say/am saying should be taken in offense.
Something that came across my mind as I read and re-read your post was the language you used. There are just way too many variables here at play so I will be direct, should you ever return. From a completely removed and objective view the first thing I honestly found pop up in my head after reading your post was it came off just a bit like you were probably high at the time? If you were that's fine. When I first began accepting bipolar and even times now I find that when I am on methamphetamine specifically I am much more able and likely to talk and try to reveal myself. The only issue is the price Tina demands cannot be paid by anyone. Back to my point, if you were indeed blasted when you wrote that then I would be wiling to put money on that you were probably just geeking and somehow ended up on that topic, bipolar that is, and ended up tweaking over it. It happens. Hell, just last week I made the rookiest of rookie mistakes, was on day three of a binge and some fucking how got reading about skin issues related to methamphetamine. Fuck, before I got to sleep I was certain I had a giant fucking abscess from a shot I botched that day and was starting to get 'scales' on my bicep. Woke up, I had a cut on my bicep my cat gave me waaaaay earlier that day and I didn't even have a bruise let alone abscess at the injection site. So, basically don't look into medical things when you've been up more than two days.
If you weren't high then that is another case. I do have to point something out, when it comes to considering if you may have a mental illness it is generally a more (lack of a better word) normal response to do every thing you can imagine to justify that you don't suffer from one. I see entirely too many younger people who think terms such as bipolar are just a label and something you feel. Depression is something you feel, bipolar is how you are. It isn't understood anywhere close to the level that we desperately need it to be. I am only 25 years old and my whole life growing up I recall all those SSRI commercials talking about how depression is just a simple imbalance of neurotransmitters (brain juices). In a short 20 some years since then they have already changed/evolved their 'understanding' of depression. Now it is commonly THOUGHT (there's that word again) depression is nowhere near as elementary as a chemical imbalance. Now they're throwing around the possibility of the physical structure of the brain, neural circuitry and all of these neurological terms that I do not fully understand as I am not a neurologist. Again, that was just referring to simple depression.
Next I would like to point out a correlation, not causation that is a wide misconception about bipolar. Don't have the source on hand, but if anyone reads this and is interested I shall provide it. Contrary to popular belief bipolar is not a genetic hand me down as once was thought. There is a fair amount of correlation to suggest that, but it is by no means a proof or close to it. A lot of psychiatry professionals have shifted towards the belief that the majority of mental illnesses are brought about by environmental factors. Not so sure how I feel about that one, but the point remains the same. If bipolar was a genetic failure then we could predict it's manifestations through a family line with somewhat of a fair accuracy. Some studies show that people with bipolar actually tend to not have anyone in their immediate family who has a history of the disorder. Again, statistics are near pointless.
As far as the signs of bipolar manifesting and how to tell... I am sorry to say you 9 times out of 10 will not be able to predict it. Or even know it until a particularly bad episode hits. That's the thing. Mental disorders AFFECT your BRAIN and how you function. So, if you were bipolar and you exhibited the hallmark symptoms you wouldn't be able to just say oh well shit, there it is. I am bipolar now. No sir, it takes YEARS of therapy and medication to get to a stabilized point. I won't bore with the details of stabilization and the types of bipolar etc. I am 25 and it has been about four years that I have accepted the fact that this is who I am and who I will always be. Until that plateau is reached, treatment is hell and basically consists of switching medicines until you find the one that works for you. THEN once you get stabilized you can begin the nitty gritty and start figuring things out like why you do this, or why yo blah blah. This will allow you to notice your own triggers and unique telltales of an episode. That process culminates in a precious, precious thing called understanding. When you understand why something is the way it is, it suddenly becomes feasible if not probable to cope and find a way to overcome. Understanding of why things are with me they are, for myself at least, was just equally as important as the therapy and medications.
At the time of the OP you said you were 17? Well, shrinks (especially newer ones) FUCKING LOVE to throw around the bipolar diagnosis. Due in part to because it is the most easily misdiagnosed of the ailments of the mind. Just way too vague of 'requirements'. They can seem like other disorders entirely. So, if a shrink diagnosis you after ONE session. Find a new shrink. I've heard tales from my doctor of people he knew as colleagues that would literally just throw bipolar out there because they didn't want to deal with that particular patient. AKA lazy.
Also, if you are under the age of 18 you cannot medically be diagnosed bipolar. I was at 16, 18, and 20 (had to be sure hahaha) so that is not to say the diagnosis isn't correct. It just more often than not is not accurate due to the incredible amount of growing and developing your brain has left to do. You can't judge an oak tree by its sapling. Sadly, bipolar is becoming a bit like ADHD, in the sense that fucking everyone and their dog has it. Celebrities have it and are near idolized for their 'artistic and raw selves'. I am a poet and musician first and foremost, those are literally my life. Well, you can fucking take your art and ideals and passion if I can just have a day where I wake up and know it will be a good day. Or know it will be a bad one, either way. I wake up and I don't know what that day will be like. Can you imagine how literally waiting by the minute just to see how you feel about life and whether or not this day will work? I don't know if I can uphold my promises I have made or if I will even get out of bed. At the same time I could be up and ready bright and early and go do yard work or other shit that people typically don't do in Minnesota in December.
It's a fucked up road, man. And whatever happened I honestly pray that you didn't end up with this diagnosis. Because I assure you that anything you've heard or thought (if any) about the glory and beauty in bipolar and how all the greatest artists were bipolar, is a fucking lie. They weren't great because they were bipolar, they were great artists who happened to be bipolar. There is no unsung pride or glory in this. It is something we don't have a choice in.
If you ended up being bipolar, then I sincerely pray and hope that you're taking it seriously and managing it effectively in a safe manner.
This is all apart from doing drugs with bipolar. I am ending my tirade now so I won't delve, but in short doing drugs is generally a bad idea with any mental problem. The nature of bipolar (especialllllllly type 1) is the devil's playground for substance abuse to hit your life in a hard way. Meth, for example, it becomes at some point about chasing that first high. Add bipolar, now on top of chasing that high you are chasing the feeling separate from the euphoria. Stimulants are often a staple for many bipolar addicts, because it makes us feel normal to be honest. However, it is not meant for that and it is not administered or monitored by a physician so you already know how that can end. To top this giant shitfuck that is bipolar off, the symptoms of mania and meth use are nearly identical. Type 1 bipolar people can often like being manic, love it even to an extent. It's the only time you're actually able to not just be productive, but to even fucking participate in life. So, it is not uncommon to see people get addicted to being manic. That is a beast meaner than any drug I have done. You can't walk that line and get away with it. Mania has a really weird habit of once it starts it does not stop. Imagine being up 4 days straight, no meth, no stimulants, no drugs. Then by that fourth day you are talking to a hallucination about your delusions you've had in the past, literally bawling your heart out that you want to sleep. Think of extreme mania as having a bunch of meth, but you don't get any say in when you dose or how much you dose. Also, you don't know when you will run out.
/endrant
kleinerkiffer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2012
- Messages
- 5,702
^Thanks for the rant, but the thread is 4 years old and the OP hasen't been on since
Closed
Closed
- Status