I'm the reason for everything bad in my family

[WizK]

Ok, I was caught by my mom smoking weed June 27 and ever since then, obviously there's been no trust (and she also found out about all my other drug use, nothing too bad just painkillers and other prescriptions). But my mom is VERY uptight and psycho. She has always been a yeller and very strict. Her and my dad have the shittiest relationship ever. They dont ever fuck, they sleep in different rooms on different floors of the house, they argue over the dumbest stuff, etc.
Now, it seems I've become the scapgoat for everything in the family. Lighter gone, it must be me. My mom took a xanax she forgot about and notices it missing, must be me. You get the point. Well now, every day she yells at me and tells me the reason that her and my dad get in fights is because of me. Because of all this stress she's put on me, my grades have dropped, im always anxious at home / paranoid with nothing to be paranoid about, and hang my head / depressed. It's like no matter what i do it's wrong and I cannot live with this anymore. My mom wont listen to anyone who says she may be wrong (including a hamdful of counselors) and i can't speak up for myself. I never yell at my parents or curse at them and am always very respectful and always have been. Im just done.
I don't know what to do. Honestly i feel like there's two options: kill myself or leave for a while, and i refuse to kill myself over something this dumb. So basically all i can think to do is go over to my gf's grandmothers but im not sure how that would work. What should i do? Is this really all my fault? I feel it is but it isnt. I'm really a wreck right now. Please help

 

[Journyman16]

You don't say how old you are, so it's difficult to just advise leaving. Some people cannot stay at home after a particular stage and it sounds like your place has been miserable for a while.

Nor do you say where you are so it's difficult to advise on resources that can help you. But you have seen cousellors so maybe go speak to one of them and ask about possible alternatives.

 

[What 23]

This isn't your fault.

Did your parents have the issues before she found weed etc. on you? Sleep separately? Honestly this sounds like you have dysfunctional parents and your mother is in ways at least mentally and emotionally abusive. This seems all too common.

You didn't mention much about your dad and your personal relationship with him. I'm wondering if he is kind of shut down by all of it. By her. Limited in his faculty or will to deal. But again I don't recall you saying much at all other than how they fight.

It would be helpful to know your age to get a perspective on this... But I can tell you, it is not your doing. Even if you have trouble. Your parents should be bigger than a little marijuana or pills than to let their whole life cave in.

 

[Erikmen]

It´s not about parents or age. It´s about your own decision whether if you can / will be able to make it or not.
Most of my friends left home at 17, struggled in jobs they didn´t want but had the freedom to do whatever was more convenient to them.