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I'm shy about my sexual needs, even with bf

trunkofmycar

trunkofmycar

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 4, 2012
Messages
277
In the past I've told my guy that while the occasional slap on the butt is a turn on to me, I'm not too into a full on, bent over the knee, cuz I've been a bad girl, whipping thing.

But lately I think of it more and more, in various scenes played out in my head. This fantasy and a few other sexual wants/needson my end...

However I'm not as open discussing my sexual desires/needs as some others. I've literally gone without sex all night, or sneak a quick self love session, rather than tell him I feel like having sex. That seems beyond dumb, but I wasn't raised to openly discuss sexual things (like he seems to have been, I'm jealous of his lack of self doubt when it comes to sex)

Anything more subtle I can do to communicate my desires? Or maybe suggestions on ways to not feel so bashful/shy when I bring it up to him? :x
 
instead of feeling the need to have a conversation about it beforehand.... why don't you just try to express it during sex. communicating your needs to him during the act will probably turn him on more, and you get what you want out of it too.
 
Is there any way you could write it out or communicate it a different way? I can be shy as well and I've found that writing it out can help; either you give him what you've written or it helps you say it.
 
Send him a link to a spanking porn in an email?
 
Just flat out tell him men arent mind readers. Lol no seriously if you tell him exactly what you want then he can just go o hey i can do that. Instead of him trying to decode your complex verbal cues. Men are wired different then you. I am probably way more differently wired then you because im a male and have autism. But i can tell you nothing is more frustrating and stressful then trying decode what a girl wants when they told me in as much detail as possible i could easily make that happen exactly. Like if you want me to make you a coffee with 2 oz whipcream 3 half and half and 2 cups of hazletnut coffee your way more likely to be satisfied by just telling me that
 
D1nach, I do know this is the best way to get what I want... My problem is I try to articulate it and I'll start getting very flushed and can't look him in the eye and just getting the words out of my mouth... It's like pulling teeth for me and I imagine myself saying these things out loud and looking awkward as hell.

Idk. I think I'll combine all of the advice you guys have given me, and try something like writing him some sexy texts when I wish he would hit it... Maybe include like a suggestion by telling him "you know what I wish you'd do to me right now?"

Cuz we've sexted before and he complimented my sexting prowess, said I had him hard all day at work before...

appreciate everyone who responded
 
This is absolutely a normal stance between man and woman. Due to what the basic act of what sex is means due to the woman being penetrated needing to receive . its stands to reason that she is more submissive and he is more dominant.
However with the advent of modern equality finally women are getting the ability to ask or even take what they want sexualy.
All you need to doe is slowly over come your shyness, its only sexual excitement and tension spilling over into anxiety. Camel it use it to push yourself into asking for the more kinky things you want and desire.
I can absolutely assure you he will find it a huge turn on to hear you ask for you to have things done to you.
Go for it and enjoy it.
 
That is something manny women likes :) just be honest and tell him, and I am pretty surre he will understand.
 
Show him the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the girl says "spank me", and then another girl says, "me too", and then suddenly there is a clamour of girls asking to be spanked. The other Pythons then rescue our hero from a "fate worse than death".
 
Start slow. Like the most "tame" one. and go from there.
Watch porn related to it.
But honesty is key. Sometimes you need to take it slow though in letting him know.
 
Either maybe get him to place his hands on your ass and like, encourage it with a non verbal cue or whispered word, or better, just ask. Most guys including myself are the kind of people who sometimes can't see what's right in front of our faces. Just telling us what you want helps a lot of the time. Honestly, nearly all of us are relived to have help, because deep down we're either scared or nervous, trying to calculate what the girl wants and how to please her as best we can. And most guys are ready and willing to do anything, I think you'll find that after the anxiety of not being open, when you are it's like a curtain is lifted. You both boost each others confidence, you get excited and try as a collective intimate thing. I'm no mind reader, but I'm sure that your partner would be not only be receptive, but jumping at the chance to fulfil a kink you have. I don't know how to address you being shy, and hopefully you find this advice a little helpful coming from a guy.
 
Do you think he would be into it? Or do you think that if he knew your need, he would at least indulge you? Or do you think that if you told him, it would put your relationship at risk? Myself, I really like a variety of (female) domination scenarios, but I struggled for many years with how to communicate this. I found that I needed to be sure and identify partners who were reasonably open minded, and then I had to communicate my needs carefully but confidently. Loads of people enjoy being spanked (as an example). I find it helps to make sure it is personal, and intimate. And, like with everything, sometimes a partner might absolutely be up for delivering a serious spanking - and sometimes not. I hope all goes well for you. I got much better at this over time, in terms of confident communication, and with my current (and long-term) partner, we do loads of stuff, and love it. it was well worth the nervy effort, and the practice.
 
You dude will be more then happy to hear what you want out of the fun times. And honestly I he doesn't enjoy giving you what you want and giving you the best satisfaction he possibly can find you another guy. I don't know any guy that doesn't like it when their chicks take the initiative and somewhat force themselves on their men. If your horny 99.9999% of the time your man is too or if you rub his cock and suck on it a bit he will be. Especially if that's not your typical actions.
 
I'm not a guy but I strongly suspect that your guy would prefer you tell him and get him to do it over anything else.

Hell, he'll probably be thrilled, when I was with my boyfriend, I never found a time where if I wanted him to do something sexual with me that he wasn't happy to do it. Just tell him, odds are he wants you too.

I never needed to tell him I wanted sex either, I just started kissing and touching him and it just happened organically from there.

I'm sure there were times he wasn't in the mood, but I never wound up having that be the problem.
 
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Cogari said:
Either maybe get him to place his hands on your ass and like, encourage it with a non verbal cue or whispered word, or better, just ask. Most guys including myself are the kind of people who sometimes can't see what's right in front of our faces. Just telling us what you want helps a lot of the time. Honestly, nearly all of us are relived to have help, because deep down we're either scared or nervous, trying to calculate what the girl wants and how to please her as best we can. And most guys are ready and willing to do anything, I think you'll find that after the anxiety of not being open, when you are it's like a curtain is lifted. You both boost each others confidence, you get excited and try as a collective intimate thing. I'm no mind reader, but I'm sure that your partner would be not only be receptive, but jumping at the chance to fulfil a kink you have. I don't know how to address you being shy, and hopefully you find this advice a little helpful coming from a guy.
Click to expand...

I'm really happy to read that. I have a similar dilemma in that I feel awkward talking to my husband about my kink. I'm never really direct, but when I hint, he usually takes the hint and run with it. I should really just grab the bull by the horn and just tell him straight....
 
trunkofmycar said:
Anything more subtle I can do to communicate my desires? Or maybe suggestions on ways to not feel so bashful/shy when I bring it up to him? :x
Click to expand...
There are a couple of strategies you could try to break the ice, alone or in combination:

Write out a few key points you want to say or start out with, and practice saying them until it comes naturally.

Use a film or a book - featuring the kind of activities that you're interest in - as a prop to start the conversation. As in, "Look what I found on the internet. What do you think of this."

Also remember that Subtly seldom works with men. They're dim as a lamp missing a bulb and chord.

Best of luck to you. :)
 
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