"take it easy" ? I am out of food, pills (anticonvulsants), coffee, tea, sugar, I am getting evicted and you tell me to "take it easy?" I don't have the luxury of live in a state where if my life is going down I can end it all with the trigger of a gun, no, I have to fight my human instincts and jump from a horrible 10 floor building, is the easiest method I have right now.
What I am supposed to do? what is the purpose of this sub forum? if so, how?
a friend from Germany sent me money to help my situation but guess what, the money got stuck because of a stupid error in the sender company, not even the receiving one, so I keep calling day morning and afternoon, I give my reference number... but nope, still it's on hold
I have a $80.000 that my father left me 3 years ago, but because the legal system is so bad here, I am still waiting for my lawyer.
And remember, on top of that, I am mental patient diagnosed with clinical depression, bipolar disorder and prone to seizures (not epilepsy). Why I wouldn't want to kill myself is the question?
There are many reasons why you would not want to kill yourself but you can't see those reasons right now because you are and have been singularly focused on your pain. I know from previous threads that you also self medicate which is also making the situation substantially worse. By focusing on the pain you have essentially paralyzed yourself, and that is a very difficult place to be. I really hope I am not sounding harsh because that is not my intention, a few years ago I was in a somewhat similar situation.
I can relate to the soul crushing depression, being stuck in the house, financial issues, and seizures. I find seizures to be absolutely terrifying, and many of the medications that are available to treat them have horrible side effects, but it is manageable. What causes your seizures?
I know it's hard, but try to force yourself to leave your house and go for walks. By avoiding people you are trapping yourself with your own thoughts, and the longer you do so the darker your thoughts will get. I know you don't feel like it but force yourself to get out of the house and be around other people - wall to a coffee shop. You could actually be one of those people you see laughing during the day and having fun, but in order to have that you have to ldo ave your house.
Stop focusing on the $80,000, work with your attorney and don't focus on it when you're not actively working on getting it. You never had the money before so it's not like you lost it. I'm sorry it's taking so long to get it but that happens to many people all over the world. That money isn't going to make your problems go away either, as you will spend it and eventually it will be gone and then what?
Your focus should be getting healthy and to do that you must take action. Go see professionals and be proactive in your treatment. If something is not working try something new or different. Tell your doctors it is not working, ask to hear all your options. Research your options online.
You ask the purpose of this sub forum - the purpose it to connect to others and share experience, hope, and strength. You have told us your situation and have asked advice, but you have rejected most of the advice given to you. I think you are looking for a quick fix and unfortunately that doesn't often happen with mental health issues.
To be perfectly honest if you want to better your situation you would stop self medicating and only take your prescriptions as prescribed, no extra drugs or alcohol. You would exercise everyday, eat healthy, and get on a regular sleep cycle. You would work with doctors tirelessly to get your medications right, and you would go to therapy regularly. If therapy isn't available then you would research the techniques online and start learning some of the coping mechanisms necessary to get you past this point.
As sad as it is, we have to be responsible for our own mental health. I think most of us have had unrealistic expectations of the mental healthy system. We go and see professionals and expect our problems to be quickly fixed and that doesn't happen. Worse, professionals do not readily disclose how much time and effort we must spend to change our situations so many times we wait and get worse. I wasted seven years of my life turning solely to them to get help. I was in a similar place to where you are now, having multiple seizures everyday, I couldn't put the bottle down, my anxiety and depression just kept getting worse, I had zero money and I was ready to end it all. I was so angry at the world, at the system, and at life, everything was unfair. That anger changed something in me and I put all my energy into research and somehow found a way out of my situation. I spent two years doing nothing but working on recovery, which was after spending seven years working with different mental health providers and doctors trying to get healthy while working a 60 hour a week IT job and running a household. I too wanted what everyone else had - I wanted to be out and laughing and having fun and was angry I wasn't.
What I detailed in the above paragraphs are some of the steps I took to get healthy. Please try some of those suggestions. Getting healthy is a lot of hard work and energy, but it can happen and it's so worth it when it does. You have to fight for yourself because nobody else will - they can't unfortunately.
