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I'm gaining a sense of self-worth by building my identity around smoking.

Lightning-Nl

Lightning-Nl

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 11, 2012
Messages
1,245
It's no secret how deadly cigarettes are.

We've known about it since the late 1920's. It's been taught, over and over to everyone. There is no longer a single person out there who's oblivious to the dangers of smoking. And yet, if that person still decides to smoke. Knowing fully well just how damaging to it will be to their health - isn't that their decision to make? Cigarettes are deadly, yes. But you know what else they do for me? They make me just a bit more satisfied with my life. Smoking makes me happy - yeah, ya know what? Part of that happiness is due to the fact that Nicotine is releasing 'happy-chemicals' in my brain, but the other part of it is because it's who I am.

Life is hard. Everyone knows that. I've had my fair share of troubles in my life. I went through some nasty shit that no child should have to go through. As a teen - I still have little grasp on who I am. I literally feel like I have no identity. And I know this may seem a little odd - but smoking is what's getting me through it.

Smoking is the one consistent 'safety' that I have in my life, and while it's very unhealthy - it's bringing me back from hell. Having that one small consistency in my life... knowing that I can feel some sort of routine in my day; gives me hope... hope that I can be a person one day.

And I know all of that may sound cheesy and dumb, but it's the truth. I know just exactly how deadly cigarettes are. I saw first hand what cigarettes did to my grandfather who died of congestive heart failure and yet, I still choose to do it.

Isn't that MY choice to make?
 
Isn't that MY choice to make?
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You can also choose to have an eating disorder, or participate in unsafe sex, play in traffic, or any number of other unsafe activities. Even though it may grant you some temporary solace, it doesn't mean they are healthy or constructive for you. In the end it's just an addiction to the rush of reward chemicals in the pleasure centres of the brain. Ask yourself: why exactly can't you pick any number of other, non-self-destructive habits to fill your day with? What does smoking grant you that actively defining yourself as a person through your actions does not? Why choose an activity that grants only temporary happiness and builds a long-term dependence on chemicals? If you need a sensory experience to centre yourself in your day, why not a cup of strong tea? Burn some incense and meditate? Go for a quiet walk? Tend a garden or flower box? Really, there's lots of things you can come up with to fill your routine in.

You're not the first person to come up with this sort of tobacco apologist type argument. I'd advise you to look a little further down the road, ask someone in their 50s-60s who has smoked since their teens about it sometime, and see how highly they speak of it.

I personally think we shouldn't define ourselves through our vices. Certainly they are not anything to champion or hold in high regard. Nobody wants to be remembered exclusively as a chronic smoker, or a heroin junkie, or a career stoner. Nobody ever achieved greatness by doing lots of drugs. It's nothing but a lapse of the human condition.
 
sekio said:
What does smoking grant you that actively defining yourself as a person through your actions does not?
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I told you. A sense of identity. I have no social identity and smoking is the only way I've been able to build upon being social with other people. I can instant start a conversation with anyone else who's smoking. It gives you an instant invitation to talk to someone without being awkward.

Other than that, the physical act of smoking... is very comforting for some reason. It's something to keep my occupied, it makes my blurry vision better for a brief moment, and I can actually feel grounded in the world. I can actually feel like a human. Feel like I exist...
 
Dont let them bother you. If its indeed the only thing that makes you feel grounded, then i would say cigarrettes are very good for you. But i would suggest taking up some more productive activities that could give you the same feeling of groundedness and self confidence. Maybe yoga? Run? I ran my first marathon while puffing nearly 20 cigs a day. No problem.
 
If you're gonna "smoke yourself to death", well it is absolutely your choice, but how about you own up to it and say you'll do it because you want to, instead of trying to justify a bad habit in such a pathetic way?

Your identity is what you choose it to be, not an exogenous factor that you were born with somehow. Like sekio said, there are countless other sensorial experiences you can "center" yourself with.

You say "it's who i am". But it's just who you want to be. Own up to it instead of making excuses.
 
Since you are in a sense asking for personal advice, this doesn't really fall within the scope of our forum; I'm throwing this to Second Opinion.

ebola
 
sekio said:
I personally think we shouldn't define ourselves through our vices.
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alasdairm said:
if you are addicted to nicotine, you're not making a choice.
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Both of these.

You're logic is faulty & is the exact sort of thing that will lead to you continuing to justify & perhaps relying on your smoking in times to come.

If you were a cigar smoker who had 1 every evening, like my friend's Dad does... then I suppose that is something that defines you, or if you are a pipe smoker but on the whole, people who smoke have an addiction plain & simple.

I ended up smoking 20 a day when I was going through a really bad time & with hindsight, it really wasn't doing me any good. It actually masked my anxiety problems, which have now been made worse by quitting. I now have to deal with higher levels of anxiety than I would have had I not relied on smoking in the first place. That shouldn't put you off quitting though, it's just pointing out that your problems will only get worse as smoking is not helping you get past all your troubles.

You sound like an addict trying to justify a habit... should you cement this, you will have terrible trouble quitting WHEN, not if, you start to have problems stemming from your smoking.

Do some soul searching, find something that defines you as a person & not as an addict. Am I being a little harsh here, perhaps but it's true... smoking is not something you should define yourself by.
 
but do you know that there are many better ways to get those happy chems into your brain that are FAR healthier and satisfying (and that feel overall better)?
of course it's your choice, I'm just telling you that IMHO it is a very nad choice.
 
Just to add to what's already been said, smoking will probably feel great for a few decades, that is, until you get sick.
There's little things like gingivitis, bad breath, sore throat, etc. And there's worse illnesses such as heart failure, emphysema—I have an uncle with emphysema; doesn't look fun at all—and cancer.

I dunno man. I hope you find another way to connect with people and build an identity. Smoking is a great example of instant gratification, but in the long run you reap what you sow. It'll come back to you if you live long enough to experience the sicknesses.
 
I recommend trying an e-cigarette. At least it's the lesser of two evils. You're still getting your nicotine (at whatever strength you want) and you still go through the same hand to mouth motions. You just don't ash it or snub it out when you're done with it.

I used E-cigs to get me off of real cigarettes after 13 years that ended up in two packs per day. You don't wanna be spending that much money just to be stinky while jeopardizing your future self and those around you. I'm starting to phase off of the e-cig as well finally. I'm on the lowest nicotine strength and I could hop down to no nicotine juice, just flavoring, but I think I'm going to just make the jump. I've already been warming myself up to the idea for a little while now by using Chinese Meditation Balls. With them you're at least doing something with your hand for as long as you want, until you get sick of it or satisfied. They also have a faint sounding bell inside each ball which can be a rather calming/relaxing sound that makes you want to continue using them. Here's a picture if you don't know what I'm talking about.

2953_healthballsdragon_balls_1.jpg



I think the habit of smoking comes down a lot to just having something to do with your hands. And that is not to discredit the thousands of chemicals in cigarettes that are fucking you up, but with a little bit of will power and some back up plans you can be off of them in a week or two. I know you're not looking to quit, but the reason I mention it is in sort of a "Get out while you can,'' type of deal.
I don't know how long you've been smoking but it would have been a lot easier to put them down when I was first getting into them rather than quitting well over a decade later with absolutely nothing to show for it either!

Try not the have any materials, i.e. substances, define who you are. Define yourself from the inside out.
 
I think it's hilarious that this dude is taking more heat for smoking than most people on BL get for shooting heroin!
 
That's because there are better drugs out there and most of bluelight is comprised of druggie elitists.
 
As a teen you don't have the mental capacity to make choices so it's not really your choice it's just a choice of the brain you won't have in a few years.
 
abracabra girl said:
I think it's hilarious that this dude is taking more heat for smoking than most people on BL get for shooting heroin!
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It's 'cause he's engaging a lackluster recreational drug as holding powers other than being a recreational drug.
...
I hope that swampfox has figured out that his plan is pointless.

ebola
 
abracadabra girl said:
I think it's hilarious that this dude is taking more heat for smoking than most people on BL get for shooting heroin!
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it could be argued (quite persuasively, even) that the only thing keeping heroin from being a far safer drug than cigarettes is the social/legal issues surrounding its use.
 
Assuming extremely high purity of product and impeccable IV technique and hygiene? Probably. Under real-world conditions, never.

eboal
 
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