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I'm dying, and yes, you can help.

Weak Sauce

Weak Sauce

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Joined
Jun 6, 2016
Messages
7
Sorry for the overly dramatic title. Don't worry, I don't want your money, your pity, or anything other than just your thoughts.

Please bear with this background for a moment, I know it's kinda long. About two years ago I was diagnosed with end-stage liver disease, commonly known as cirrhosis. I've certainly done my share of partying, but here's the cosmic joke, this would have happened anyway. I was 31 (now 33) in decent shape and one day I turned bright yellow. Went to the doctor and they told me I had somewhere between 2 weeks and at absolute best 6 months. I have a genetic abnormality that is keeping my liver from properly storing and digesting sugars and fats, which is a bad combo. I am an over six foot male and I was down to 115 pounds. Wasting away. The only reason I am alive now is due to a complete change in lifestyle. I became a vegan, gave up almost all added salt and sugar, exercise regularly, force feed myself massive amounts of food to try and keep weight on. I will save you all the gory details of what it has done to my body and the procedures I have had to go through And all in all I am doing alright and stable right now, but any day could be the day it goes south. I am on the transplant list, but it's a coin flip as to whether I get one or not when the day comes.

Two days after I was diagnosed after some research on the safety of it, I did a decent size shroom dose. It was the most cathartic moment of my life. It brought me right out of denial and into an acceptance of what was happening to me. I won't try and put into words what that experience was like, but it was truly amazing in a profoundly sad but beautiful way. Afterwards I woke up my wife who had gone to bed hours earlier and we had a long emotional talk about what was going on and what it would mean for us and a future that might never happen together after only five years. It left me with an appreciation of life and beauty that I don't remember ever having, at least as an adult. However, as time has past I have lost much of that and I can feel the anxiety and depression, the fear I guess, off in the distance.

This is where you come in. I have done psychs many times in my life, and several since my diagnosis. I have done all the appreciable research and it is safe so long as I take certain precautions so no worries on that front. I have medicinal marijuana, and access to LSD and 2CB, both of which I am familiar with. What I am not so familiar with is the use of psyches when I'm not just trying to have a good time. I want to do some deeper voyaging and see if I can find a little acceptance in this crazy time. A little comfort or peace, and while I doubt it, yes I am also willing to risk a terrible experience as well. Much can be learned from that too. When I say go deeper I don't mean huge heroic doses, but more a mindset of going into the experience to learn and heal as opposed to see a 3-d movie and hit up the arcade (which is fun as hell, but I think you get my point).

Please let me know all your set and setting advice, things to do, meditations, art therapy, writings, readings, just about anything you do to get emotionally or spiritually recharged during a trip on one or both of these. (P.S. I am not a religious man in anyway, so I am open to "spiritual" with a lower case "s", but please no scripture or anything. Thanks.)

Thank you kindly,
The Sauce
 
Smoke Salvia divinorum.

I believe it's important to realize that consciousness/awareness can exist in radically different forms than the norms. Not even other hallucinogens can compare to the conception-shattering reality of realizing that you've always actually been a metal bracket in the braces of some laughing child and everything you remember as human was only dreaming. Or to wake up into the life of a desk lamp, complete with the accompanying memories and sensations replacing all knowledge of human existence.

The reason I suggest this to you is that, after trying Salvia, I simply couldn't deny the possibility of life or existence after death or outside of typical experience.

I've existed as entirely different modes of being, and so I believe it's possible.
 
I reckon you're better off using LSD than mushrooms or 2C-B, just because LSD is so damn non-toxic. Mushrooms have other chems in them that are possibly hard on your body to process, and 2C-B just *seems* a little rougher on the body than LSD to me. With LSD you're just dealing with a single molecule that is known to have an extremely wide gap between therapeutic/recreational dose and toxic dose.

As for set and setting, I don't know if I can offer anything beyond what you probably already know, or can read about on the internet. I'd say carefully curated music is a must. Set the time aside so you can be free of obligations and visits, create a space that allows you to de-anchor from the mundane day-to-day - a place in nature is really good, or clean out your living room and put away a lot of the things that will drag you into "normal" life, like phones, TVs, clutter. Pay attention to all the simple things like what clothes to wear, having water handy, the snacks you'll need. I like to have a plan for some kind of activity like a walk in case I get restless.

We're all dying, but you're in the position of having the prospect thrust in front of you so you can't ignore it like the rest of us do.
 
Setting? Nature, absolutely.

Set? Whatever mindset you happen to inhabit when you decide to trip.


Pontius Pilate said:
Smoke Salvia divinorum.
Click to expand...

Salvia will of course be a very very different experience to LSD or mushrooms. Not that it can't be healing as well.
 
I think LSD is definately the safest thing to go with. At least when it comes to liver issues. Having said that, pure mescaline is in my view the best psychedelic there is. If it wouldn't be so hard to obtain, and expensive, it would probably be the most popular of all psychedelic's. It IS definately worth going after, though. Especially when time is maybe a scarce item. Pure mescaline realy is different from all cacti, and many cacti have such a varying alkaloïd content that taking cacti is a bit of a gamble, unfortunately.
And yes, nature is the best thing there is. A forrest at night, when the wheater is nice is just the best kind of setting if you ask me. either alone of with loved ones.
 
I recommend mushrooms, LSD is great for spiritual revelations but mushrooms are a lot better for healing in my experience.
 
Are all psychedelics processed through the liver?
Also, with poor liver function I would think that your mileage of some subs would be very high, but this is just off the cuff, haven't researched it.
DMT is nice because it's quick and you can do it at any time as often as you like....if you have access.
Oh, and sorry for your plight too, but as someone said^ "we are all dying". You just have an idea of when. Which has it's upside: taking care of things and trying to get the most out of every second( we all SHOULD do that, but most don't) and the downside: the anxiety of knowing you are dying soon and living with that every day. I think I'd rather not know in advance personally, but you play the hand you're dealt.
LSD as well as shrooms have been used in "end of life" studies and they both seem to ease the anxiety...shows you that are going somewhere after this life. Again, DMT will show you exactly where...maybe right down to the street where you'll live.
Ketamine has some of the exact same headspace for me, but is probably not liver friendly, but it sure eased the anxiety/fear of death and what comes after...at least for me as much as or more so than DMT.

I hope this didn't come of as callous or cavalier. If so, apologies, as that was not my intent.
See you on the other side brother.
 
Last edited:
Dracarys said:
I think LSD is definately the safest thing to go with. At least when it comes to liver issues. Having said that, pure mescaline is in my view the best psychedelic there is. If it wouldn't be so hard to obtain, and expensive, it would probably be the most popular of all psychedelic's. It IS definately worth going after, though. Especially when time is maybe a scarce item. Pure mescaline realy is different from all cacti, and many cacti have such a varying alkaloïd content that taking cacti is a bit of a gamble, unfortunately.
And yes, nature is the best thing there is. A forrest at night, when the wheater is nice is just the best kind of setting if you ask me. either alone of with loved ones.
Click to expand...

But mescaline needs ridiculously high doses (200-400mg ?). I bet that can be draining for a liver. Just speculation.

I also would assume, that LSD or an analogue would be the safest bet, as it just needs submilligram-doses and is said to be less toxic than weed at usual doses (high therapeutic profile).

Anyway I wish you all the best. Probably also traditional sitting meditation techniques will help in accepting the sometimes cruel twists of life.
 
“We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?”

----Richard Dawkins
 
weak sauce said:
sorry for the overly dramatic title. Don't worry, i don't want your money, your pity, or anything other than just your thoughts.

Please bear with this background for a moment, i know it's kinda long. About two years ago i was diagnosed with end-stage liver disease, commonly known as cirrhosis. I've certainly done my share of partying, but here's the cosmic joke, this would have happened anyway. I was 31 (now 33) in decent shape and one day i turned bright yellow. Went to the doctor and they told me i had somewhere between 2 weeks and at absolute best 6 months. I have a genetic abnormality that is keeping my liver from properly storing and digesting sugars and fats, which is a bad combo. I am an over six foot male and i was down to 115 pounds. Wasting away. The only reason i am alive now is due to a complete change in lifestyle. I became a vegan, gave up almost all added salt and sugar, exercise regularly, force feed myself massive amounts of food to try and keep weight on. I will save you all the gory details of what it has done to my body and the procedures i have had to go through and all in all i am doing alright and stable right now, but any day could be the day it goes south. I am on the transplant list, but it's a coin flip as to whether i get one or not when the day comes.

Two days after i was diagnosed after some research on the safety of it, i did a decent size shroom dose. It was the most cathartic moment of my life. It brought me right out of denial and into an acceptance of what was happening to me. I won't try and put into words what that experience was like, but it was truly amazing in a profoundly sad but beautiful way. Afterwards i woke up my wife who had gone to bed hours earlier and we had a long emotional talk about what was going on and what it would mean for us and a future that might never happen together after only five years. It left me with an appreciation of life and beauty that i don't remember ever having, at least as an adult. However, as time has past i have lost much of that and i can feel the anxiety and depression, the fear i guess, off in the distance.

This is where you come in. I have done psychs many times in my life, and several since my diagnosis. I have done all the appreciable research and it is safe so long as i take certain precautions so no worries on that front. I have medicinal marijuana, and access to lsd and 2cb, both of which i am familiar with. What i am not so familiar with is the use of psyches when i'm not just trying to have a good time. I want to do some deeper voyaging and see if i can find a little acceptance in this crazy time. A little comfort or peace, and while i doubt it, yes i am also willing to risk a terrible experience as well. Much can be learned from that too. When i say go deeper i don't mean huge heroic doses, but more a mindset of going into the experience to learn and heal as opposed to see a 3-d movie and hit up the arcade (which is fun as hell, but i think you get my point).

Please let me know all your set and setting advice, things to do, meditations, art therapy, writings, readings, just about anything you do to get emotionally or spiritually recharged during a trip on one or both of these. (p.s. I am not a religious man in anyway, so i am open to "spiritual" with a lower case "s", but please no scripture or anything. Thanks.)

thank you kindly,
the sauce
Click to expand...

dmt?
 
I do not think you should be a vegan. Being a vegan is not helpful for your problems, look at steve jobs and what happened to him. You need the protein from meats and whatnot, if you cannot stand the taste that's different, but its very healthy food, eggs have protein and fat, and are lower calories than bananas.

As for the psychedelics, everyone is different. Since your life is about to end, you should just try them man. Try a little, try more and find your drug of choice. The end is near, have fun nobody can really tell you what will be good for you. I prefer LSD if I want the residual stimulation, and shrooms/4acodmt for something where I will sleep later.
 
Watch the HBO show Six Feet Under, I feel much better about death since I watched that show. Seriously, not afraid of death anymore.
 
For your situation I would definitely say that LSD is the safest and the best tool for what you're trying to accomplish. I would recommend a higher dose of LSD. Not necessarily heroic but maybe take 2 hits instead of 1. Have some cannabis to smoke on the comeup. Don't DO anything on your trip. Just do your normal thing. Do it at home. Maybe do some chores like washing the dishes or cleaning up a little as you come up. When you start tripping smoke a little bud and take a shower to center yourself. Then just sit or lay down. Make yourself comfortable. Just chill, listen to music, look at art and allow yourself to think. The LSD will disrupt your normal thought patterns and take your mind to new places. Don't try to overstimulate yourself to attempt to "trip out." LSD is a powerful teacher if you allow it to work. Don't fight your thoughts. If they get too dark or depressing just stay calm, change the music or walk to a different room. Take a walk outside. What i'm saying is just do normal things. Don't make it a "special occasion" as far as what you do. Without extra, "new" stimulation to trip out on your mind will go deeper and you will get very introspective and definitely go "deeper." You can also focus on things too. For example if I'm peaking and I get a text from my mom I will get emotional about family and start texting all my sisters and cousins and my parents about how much I love them. The same deeper connection can be formed with anything. If you want to get deeper about your life experiences you could look at old photos or read an old diary. For spirituality you could watch videos about meditation and try to meditate. Anyway I think you get what I'm trying to say. Reply or PM me if you need to talk, I hope this helps and I would love to help more in anyway I can. You are very brave to be facing what you are with such a strong and positive attitude. Do you.
 
The doors of perception (huxley) might be a good read to get you on track and the right set.
IMO intention is the most important thing to direct your trip where you want, and you already got that. Anyway No way knowing what you'll get.
Setting could go from alone in the dark in your room to being in nature. I prefer first option endind with second one during sunrise. But you try and see what works best for you.
Meditation is always good, but you should be constant with it. And knowing how to do it can be of great help if things get really tough.
DMT might be the most spiritual thing I ever tried. But the longer duration of Lsd is priceless. You don't need to chose...
If you want to get into spirituality and end the triviality of trips , and you have already satisfied your curiosity with 2c-b...I would forget about it.
And the higher the dose the more likeness of spirituality though risks are likely too. Always test the waters...your life might be longer than you think.
Hope you find whatever you need.
 
This thread just goes to show how YMMV it all is. I personally find LSD more healing, maybe because I can handle higher doses on it
 
Here's my 2 cents worth.

I've found drugs have opened me up to the lack of death. I have found myself moving from an insular lone creature to an all encompassing God!

Most of the profound experiences have not been the easiest but the lessons have been invaluable.

Salvia - man what a journey not pleasant but what it can show! Imagine strapping a nuke to your back and blasting off, (maybe blowing up would be a better analogy!). I was thrown into a different reality and I was dying. I knew it and I was SCARED! As I realised that the dying was happening whether I was scared or not I eased into it and allowed myself to go with it and die, ( I knew my wife would find my cold corpse in the morning and there was a brief sorrow for not seeing my kids grow up!!!). It took a good 6 months to integrate that experience and a further 18 months before I tried Salvia again.

DMT although not meeting the elves definitely lets you peak behind the veil a bit, (or a lot if you get it right) with the smokable or Ayahuasca preparations can bring a lot of healing.

I had an emotion block after the death of a loved one and a huge family upheaval. After 6 months of going round in my head a friend gifted me 100 liberty caps and with in hours I had the issues resolved and have never looked back.

But for the most intense and life changing experience I had taken some lysergide, (can't remember of it was ETH-LAD, 1P-LSD or LSZ) and a few hours in took a good dose of MXE. I became a God that had forgotten himself while dreaming. I was the universe and as such I could choose whether or not to return to my body/life. The oneness felt was immense and has changed my view on reality completely!

I always trip at home - the place I feel safest and try not to go to crazy on what I am taking - less is often more when working on yourself so I don't go for heroic doses. I will have a wide variety of stimulating material around me - incense a mix of music, (relaxing classical for working and something a bit more drafting should I need to divert my thinking. I have youtube with Alan Watts talks, (I can't stress enough how important his work is and is philosophical in nature with a very small spiritual flavour, (he talks about religious aspects but in a relation to a more secular life).

Alan Watts Death

I used to fast for a day or so but no longer do so and would meditate for a while prior to and after come up - get the head in the right space. If you are looking for answers a good book is Feeding Your Demons using a Buddhist approach to get answers from yourself - with techniques that are used in modern psychotherapy and quite useful.

As has been mentioned the likes of DMT and Salvia hit fast and although can give some amazing insights for working on yourself you need time and some of the Tryptamines could be very useful here. But it will be down to how you respond to the particular substance. A little planning goes a long way here, rest and eat well before starting on the work.

Safe travels where ever you go/do.
 
Issac Sinclair said:
I do not think you should be a vegan. Being a vegan is not helpful for your problems, look at steve jobs and what happened to him. You need the protein from meats and whatnot, if you cannot stand the taste that's different, but its very healthy food, eggs have protein and fat, and are lower calories than bananas.
Click to expand...
He can't digest fat.
 
Personally, while I have had some amazing experiences on mushrooms, LSD and 2C-e, they have never really helped me in terms of healing. I think that the classic psychedelics are overrated in this sense. I have had far more noticeable positive changes in my personality and worldview through using DXM and MDMA. For me DXM was the best healer for depression ever. Take it on your own, in bed either in darkness or dim lighting, with some form of entertainment (e.g. Phone/laptop with headphones), and let the healing begin. It's fairly obtainable as a legal high in the form of cough syrups. Make sure you read some DXM information threads for dosages, what syrup to get, and what to expect from the experience.

As a word of warning DXM can be a harsh teacher.
 
DXM has hepatic metabolism plus very high doses. It is a bad idea to take it with a non healthy liver.

@ OP

How are you now and did you decide, yet ?
 
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