I'M A NON ADDICT IN LOVE WITH AN ADDICT

[Slb_111076]

I'll try to start short with a long story.
Met a guy 7 years ago (2015). We fell in love fast. I didn't know he was a 2 time felon and meth addict until shortly after we met and fell in love with each other.
I stuck it out bc of I seen how he really was sober.
He sobers up after 2 years being together. Here it is 2022, he's been using again for last 2 years. With known reasons why he went back to it. Plus he's an alcoholic too.
I'm not sure what's going on with us, but we're currently separated.
So much to tell to make it more understanding.
We'll start with he was sober until his young adult son, now 23, came along.
His son knows drinking causes his dad to go use meth. They drink together all the time. His family knows what happens when he drinks. They drink with him.
But in my boyfriend's eyes and his family's eyes, I'm the bad person, in the wrong, controlling, and demanding bc I encourage him to get professional help and get upset over their enabling.
He's their puppet, see's it, but he doesn't want his family mad at him, so pretty much he threw me away for all of that drama. Which i don't miss the drama, just miss the real, sober him.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I'll try to start short with a long story.
Met a guy 7 years ago (2015). We fell in love fast. I didn't know he was a 2 time felon and meth addict until shortly after we met and fell in love with each other.
I stuck it out bc of I seen how he really was sober.
He sobers up after 2 years being together. Here it is 2022, he's been using again for last 2 years. With known reasons why he went back to it. Plus he's an alcoholic too.
I'm not sure what's going on with us, but we're currently separated.
So much to tell to make it more understanding.
We'll start with he was sober until his young adult son, now 23, came along.
His son knows drinking causes his dad to go use meth. They drink together all the time. His family knows what happens when he drinks. They drink with him.
But in my boyfriend's eyes and his family's eyes, I'm the bad person, in the wrong, controlling, and demanding bc I encourage him to get professional help and get upset over their enabling.
He's their puppet, see's it, but he doesn't want his family mad at him, so pretty much he threw me away for all of that drama. Which i don't miss the drama, just miss the real, sober him.

Welcome to Bluelight. I'm sorry this is going on with your partner. Have you looked into any support groups for yourself? The one I am familiar with is Al-Anon. It is a subsidiary of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) but it is for family members and loved ones of alcoholics. Although I have attended one Al-Anon meeting, that is the extent of my knowledge of it.

There is another group for hard drug addicts called NA (Narcotics Anonymous). But I am not sure if there is an Al-Anon type of group for family members and loved ones of drug addicts.

I guess what I am getting at is if you could find a group to attend, they might help you find guidance in how to deal with your SO's addictions.

I am going to recommend to staff that your thread be moved to Health and Recovery or the Dark Side. You may get more responses in a different subforum.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'll try to start short with a long story.
Met a guy 7 years ago (2015). We fell in love fast. I didn't know he was a 2 time felon and meth addict until shortly after we met and fell in love with each other.
I stuck it out bc of I seen how he really was sober.
He sobers up after 2 years being together. Here it is 2022, he's been using again for last 2 years. With known reasons why he went back to it. Plus he's an alcoholic too.
I'm not sure what's going on with us, but we're currently separated.
So much to tell to make it more understanding.
We'll start with he was sober until his young adult son, now 23, came along.
His son knows drinking causes his dad to go use meth. They drink together all the time. His family knows what happens when he drinks. They drink with him.
But in my boyfriend's eyes and his family's eyes, I'm the bad person, in the wrong, controlling, and demanding bc I encourage him to get professional help and get upset over their enabling.
He's their puppet, see's it, but he doesn't want his family mad at him, so pretty much he threw me away for all of that drama. Which i don't miss the drama, just miss the real, sober him.

You are obviously hurting. And i don't like that at all.

Here is what i think i suggest you do: Confront him about this. Ask him, which does he love more... You? Or drugs and alcohol?

If he is anything like me, he will try to find a snake's way out of the conversation. Change subject. Blame you. Get mad. Leave and get super wasted and high. But... It might also make him think... About you, and your feelings.

I wish both of you all the best, and that you can sort this out and continue together. Love is beautiful. Alcoholism / Substance abuse is not.

 

[neversickanymore]

You are obviously hurting. And i don't like that at all.

Here is what i think i suggest you do: Confront him about this. Ask him, which does he love more... You? Or drugs and alcohol?

If he is anything like me, he will try to find a snake's way out of the conversation. Change subject. Blame you. Get mad. Leave and get super wasted and high. But... It might also make him think... About you, and your feelings.

I wish both of you all the best, and that you can sort this out and continue together. Love is beautiful. Alcoholism / Substance abuse is not.

Well what dsf (you have solid advice.. consider changing your handle as it may degrade your contribution) states is is solid. Challenging your lover like this won’t end up causing desirable end results.

You have lived with and are in love with an active addict who’s behavior your familiar with. Is their behavior acceptable to you.. is this person someone you can continue to love and will your continued relationship result in a life your content with? If so or close to it then continue the relationship. If not then end it and look for another love. I know they are rare.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well what dsf (you have solid advice.. consider changing your handle as it may degrade your contribution) states is is solid. Challenging your lover like this won’t end up causing desirable end results.

You have lived with and are in love with an active addict who’s behavior your familiar with. Is their behavior acceptable to you.. is this person someone you can continue to love and will your continued relationship result in a life your content with? If so or close to it then continue the relationship. If not then end it and look for another love. I know they are rare.

That was pretty good. Look, i have never been challenged, really. I have been simply left behind by 2 Ladies due to my alcohol / drugs. I have never felt the need to challenge Ladies over drinking / drugs. They had moderation. So basically i just felt like my idea would be good but i have not really experienced it first-hand.

Can't change my handle. I used to be Ghost fart and there is a serious story behind that. Now i am this. If someone does not take me seriously because of the fart reference in my username, then that person is prejudiced and i don't want to interact with him/her to begin with. My username is a filter.