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Ill show you mine if you show me yours.... oooh la-laa

Negentropic said:
yeh



wait really? if so, I agree
Click to expand...

His post in the dark side. Crack and heart attack survivors is like driving my mustang in a blizzard. It’s a never situation.

Hope you find your way OP I don’t mean to be a downer I get it I’m as much an addict as you from heroin to steroids to crack.

I fucking get it bro. But you’re gonna die. Really soon if you don’t change.
 
I know brother and iam fukin terrified i know the pain from myocardial infarctions theres nothing like it. IV fent dont even kill the pain n im fukkng 37 years old man. Im welling up n this is what happens when i think properly about what's to come. So when i exhale the crack for those few moments just a few mins im no longer afraid it dosent hurt its not an issue.
But then it hits me on the comedown so im out buyin more. I fuking hate this lifestyle n the damage is done an too much to recover from so its not like stopping will save me etc etc . I hear my consultant in my head over n over telling me its now that dnaged i WILL NOT survive the next one. And with my double byoass and lefr ventricle bekng fully occluded its a matter of time until it happens. Im fucked
I just relapsed after 3 weeks clean. My daughters gutted n as taken a step back instedof bein with me most days to 1 or w texts a day. My family act as if everything's fine n dont want to talk about it. And have all really taken a step back i dnt see orhear from anyone unlessi contact them.
I dont want to die in pain alone being aware of what is happening n not even a single person to hold n hug ....
It kills me to see it written in black and white. Makes it real .... so now im loading a pipe an it wont matter again for a short time..
 
@Crackle pop bro we've already lost too many, I don't want to see you in the shrine

YOU need to find something worth living for that is more important than drugs. I know you have one. I know you do. You just need to realize it.

I don't even fucking know you man, but I hope my thoughts reach you. It's not written in black and white. It's not. If it was, I'd be dead already. I've been sober 1.5 years now. You can do that too, if you really wanted it. You have to find your reason.
 
Thank u brother
I had my reason i was injecting H n smokng crack from the age of 15 to 19 . Then i found the gym n a purpose bodybuilding n competing. I have some mad genetics 20inch arms an legs like 28 inch big bolder shoulders at my best. Juicing of course an i loved and lived for it.
Kept me clean from the age of 20 to 36 .man n tben too ill to continue training feeling lost and deprrssed i relapse after 16 fukin year's

I need to have a long long hard think. I get paid wed evening thur and Friday this week and lets be honest its a recipe for disaster.

Thinks for the kind words bro. Seriously thank you
 
So it has hit me hard tonight guys . . I can put it to the back of my mind mind n pretend its not going to happen but it really is goin to happen n seeing you guys all agreeing that it is going to kill me and soon . Its probably what i needed my eyes opening. But as an addict in active addiction quite heavily so atm . So what do i do now. Its gone 3am here now. In 6/7 hours it starts all over again. But my situation is the same.
But on the flip side iam so not ready to die not yet not now.
Im thinking n cant switch off . What would keep me away replace thr void that cracks filling. An with it being payday tomoz evening it can be put into action but what i dont know....

Been ordered a hot bike of a guy i know nearly new 250cc sports road bike for £120 ,with alot of wasteland behind my new place n trails for miles I'm so tempted . The rush from riding beats any drug imo. That could be the key to breaking the cycle even if i only have it a few months its changing habbits n how i think. Hmmm im very tempted
 
^

We dont use choreboy or brillo and the like in europe.
 
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