Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
I recently received a message from a close relative of @ControlDaddy advising that he died on December 15. He had not been a member very long on Bluelight but he had a very significant on me and was somebody I very quickly came to consider a friend. It did not take long for he and I to work out that we had common backgrounds in many respects but also sadly common pathologies. I think I spent more time talking with him in the short time he was here than I have with any other 5 members combined.
There is no denying @ControlDaddy was a very complicated character. Even without the stimulants he favoured he had a lightning quick mind and could see and happily argue both sides of any question simultaneously. He was also very prepared to push the experiential boundaries of stimulant use with others up for a party. I think a few people might have mistaken his character or intentions on occasion and I can’t speak for anybody’s experience of him but my own except to say that being misconstrued when high is a pretty common experience around here for many - which is why we all mostly try so hard to extend the benefit of the doubt to people who are struggling.
It was clear that @ControlDaddy began to struggle with his compulsions not long after he started engaging with us here. My understanding was he had had a fairly extended period of relative sobriety up to that point. Although his family acknowledges that he had a lifetime of struggling behind him they also wonder whether being here and engaging with some of us set in motion the decline that led to his tragic death: an anonymous death alone in a hotel room surrounded by the paraphernalia of his various vices/enthusiasms. It was weeks before his family could be located and informed I admit, that question from his grieving relatives led to some serious soul-searching on my part. As I guess it might some other current or former enthusiasts for the party and play lifestyle.
There is a terrible irony in the way this played out because, to the best of my knowledge, before he slipped away from us here @ControlDaddy put aside his anonymity and tried very hard to make a real-world intervention to help another member in crisis. If my understanding of some quite confusing real world events are correct his actions in aid of someone he really didn’t know demonstrated an extraordinary depth of character, a generosity of spirit, and great compassion. It is the greatest tragedy that there was not someone here able to at least attempt to do something similar for him in real life
Whatever anecdotes may float about regarding tweaked out behaviour I will always choose to remember him as a man of considerable ability and potential, who had suffered in all too common ways, blamed no-one but himself for his circumstances, and still maintained an enormous empathy for others he recognised as fellow travellers.
There is no denying @ControlDaddy was a very complicated character. Even without the stimulants he favoured he had a lightning quick mind and could see and happily argue both sides of any question simultaneously. He was also very prepared to push the experiential boundaries of stimulant use with others up for a party. I think a few people might have mistaken his character or intentions on occasion and I can’t speak for anybody’s experience of him but my own except to say that being misconstrued when high is a pretty common experience around here for many - which is why we all mostly try so hard to extend the benefit of the doubt to people who are struggling.
It was clear that @ControlDaddy began to struggle with his compulsions not long after he started engaging with us here. My understanding was he had had a fairly extended period of relative sobriety up to that point. Although his family acknowledges that he had a lifetime of struggling behind him they also wonder whether being here and engaging with some of us set in motion the decline that led to his tragic death: an anonymous death alone in a hotel room surrounded by the paraphernalia of his various vices/enthusiasms. It was weeks before his family could be located and informed I admit, that question from his grieving relatives led to some serious soul-searching on my part. As I guess it might some other current or former enthusiasts for the party and play lifestyle.
There is a terrible irony in the way this played out because, to the best of my knowledge, before he slipped away from us here @ControlDaddy put aside his anonymity and tried very hard to make a real-world intervention to help another member in crisis. If my understanding of some quite confusing real world events are correct his actions in aid of someone he really didn’t know demonstrated an extraordinary depth of character, a generosity of spirit, and great compassion. It is the greatest tragedy that there was not someone here able to at least attempt to do something similar for him in real life
Whatever anecdotes may float about regarding tweaked out behaviour I will always choose to remember him as a man of considerable ability and potential, who had suffered in all too common ways, blamed no-one but himself for his circumstances, and still maintained an enormous empathy for others he recognised as fellow travellers.
