I am so scared to try anything really even non drugs. Doing anything out of my comfort zone I immediately start obssessing on the worse possible scenario of an activity.
I ordered some baclofen with the idea it would calm my generalised anxiety disorder and allow me to socialise again without despising the activity; only a once or twice a week thing. It came in the post but I started getting strong anxiety thinking about the reports I read online about it being even worse withdrawal then benzoes. I was already panicking that day because my kratom was held up by the parcel company and I was worrying that they had informed the police (turned out to be fine and I got it after the weekend). The compounded anxiety got too much and I flushed them all the fresh pack of tablets down the toilet without even trying it. That was £30 burned for nothing and I felt just as much like shit as before with no relief from my anxiety and depression. I was kicking myself all weekend wondering what it would have been like.
If I had have only tried half a tablet and then thrown it then it would have not been a waste so I could have gotten an idea if it could have helped but the withdrawal stories were at the fore of my mind and I was worrying even one dose would lead me hurtling to oblivion.
I am not sure what to do these days. Im in my 30s and it feels like every day I am building the walls higher and higher on a prison cell of my own creation and just watching on passively as it goes on. I tried all the other bullshit like therapy cbt meditation bla bla my mind will have none of that. Kratom has been the only thing I can say that has helped me to any degree so far so Im thinking what other drugs may help blast me out of this malaise.
Whenever I try something new I am so pessimistic I self sabotage it or get too anxious about extreme eventualities and don't do anything.
I hate the idea of taking anti depressants which are the 'first port of call' in such situations because I would hate having to take something every single day. However I take kratom 1 day on 2 days off which is my only oasis in a desert of mental misery but it isn't enough to stem the tide.
I tried all the bullshit herbals and they are not strong enough to make a dent. Conversely I get too anxious to try things that would actually have an effect.
I was thinking how in hindsight alcohol used to work as a great anxiolytic to let me try new things. When I got this crazy rumination I recall a couple of beers would nullify my overthinking but I despise alcohol so much now I don't ever want another drop.
Phenylpiracetam I tried not long ago and it was a notable antidepressant and anxiolytic. I will get some more at some point I think for my in between days but tolerance is very sharp with that.
I basically get anxiety about the smallest of things. Even signing up to the doctors. I was thinking of signing up and discussing these matters with them but I have been dragging my feet. I feel stupid talking about mental issues to a doctor and guilty when there are people in third world dying.
I ordered some baclofen with the idea it would calm my generalised anxiety disorder and allow me to socialise again without despising the activity; only a once or twice a week thing. It came in the post but I started getting strong anxiety thinking about the reports I read online about it being even worse withdrawal then benzoes. I was already panicking that day because my kratom was held up by the parcel company and I was worrying that they had informed the police (turned out to be fine and I got it after the weekend). The compounded anxiety got too much and I flushed them all the fresh pack of tablets down the toilet without even trying it. That was £30 burned for nothing and I felt just as much like shit as before with no relief from my anxiety and depression. I was kicking myself all weekend wondering what it would have been like.
If I had have only tried half a tablet and then thrown it then it would have not been a waste so I could have gotten an idea if it could have helped but the withdrawal stories were at the fore of my mind and I was worrying even one dose would lead me hurtling to oblivion.
I am not sure what to do these days. Im in my 30s and it feels like every day I am building the walls higher and higher on a prison cell of my own creation and just watching on passively as it goes on. I tried all the other bullshit like therapy cbt meditation bla bla my mind will have none of that. Kratom has been the only thing I can say that has helped me to any degree so far so Im thinking what other drugs may help blast me out of this malaise.
Whenever I try something new I am so pessimistic I self sabotage it or get too anxious about extreme eventualities and don't do anything.
I hate the idea of taking anti depressants which are the 'first port of call' in such situations because I would hate having to take something every single day. However I take kratom 1 day on 2 days off which is my only oasis in a desert of mental misery but it isn't enough to stem the tide.
I tried all the bullshit herbals and they are not strong enough to make a dent. Conversely I get too anxious to try things that would actually have an effect.
I was thinking how in hindsight alcohol used to work as a great anxiolytic to let me try new things. When I got this crazy rumination I recall a couple of beers would nullify my overthinking but I despise alcohol so much now I don't ever want another drop.
Phenylpiracetam I tried not long ago and it was a notable antidepressant and anxiolytic. I will get some more at some point I think for my in between days but tolerance is very sharp with that.
I basically get anxiety about the smallest of things. Even signing up to the doctors. I was thinking of signing up and discussing these matters with them but I have been dragging my feet. I feel stupid talking about mental issues to a doctor and guilty when there are people in third world dying.