I was dumped by the first and only woman I've truly been "in love" with. Any advice for dealing with this?

[keseyhitchens]

Her name is Kaylee and she really did show me what love was. She broke up with me because I am an alcoholic and their would be incidences of me being abusive verbally while drunk and almost physical, like I threw a beer can at her once. Again all while drunk. I say this not to excuse myself but to explain that without my alcoholism and me stopping drinking sooner I would be with her today. She was my best friend. Such a beautiful human being inside and out. Worst thing is she wont even talk to me or text me. Also she fucked a dude, "while she was drunk" she says, that she works with or something already. By the way we broke up 2, approaching 3 months ago. It's just something's changed in her. Our last talks. She was so cold. I really hurt her. I will always in the back of my head hope we get back together. If we don't so be it. I have stopped drinking and am just focusing on my life and getting things done. After reading me story any advice. Also don't sugar coat. Tell me what you think please.

 

[MountainTrails]

A couple observations:

You b0rked it but aren't making excuses.
You saw the problem and are working on yourself.

Seems to me you're on the right track. Good luck.

 

[keseyhitchens]

A couple obervations:

You b0rked it but aren't making excuses.
You saw the problem and are working on yourself.

Seems to me you're on the right track. Good luck.

Thanks I appreciate it.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

I have stopped drinking and am just focusing on my life and getting things done.

Stay with this tactic for a while (at least a coupla months) and I bet ya see things in a different perspective. May even wonder why ya even started fuckin with her in the first place.
Get shit done (with an air of integrity) and see what ya can build from it.
Cant hurt to try - I guess it can but dont let it kill ya.
IMO... ya need someone more "on yer level" - whatever that means.
Peace

 

[FULLofSTARS]

I will always in the back of my head hope we get back together.

Don't do it. As long as you still cling to the past it will be much harder to move forward and heal the wound.
Think of it like this. You had something, you fucked it up and it's gone. Permanently. Learn form this situation and try not to repeat same mistakes.

 

[Killer_is_me]

Yeah, work on yourself. I know thats an easy thing to say and it’s hard to just put someone you love out of your mind but in your situation it sounds like the best thing to do. I was in a relationship with someone who I consider my first true and to this point only true love. We were both addicts on and off so we had that but she was abusive. We had a kid together. She cheated and then ran away to her home state. Left me with our daughter. Came back a year later and we tried to work it out but she had really changed. She didn’t love me I learned, I was her meal ticket. She left again. Came back to visit our kid but really she just got drunk with my brother instead. I walked in on them kissing. I told them both to get out of my house and now from what I’ve heard she’s some months pregnant with my brothers kid. So two people who were at one point my best friends, one of them my fucking brother, totally betrayed me. I no longer have love for her even though she’s the mother of my child. If that’s what you want just give it time and your feelings will pass too. It’s best to focus on you.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I held on to the memory of one or two early “true loves” when I was much younger. It was a mistake that stopped me moving on and also resulted in me being seen as a bit creepy/stalky/obsessive by their friends although I never did anything particularly weird - just kept trying to look them up and talk about “us” month-after-month and then even year-after-year-after year. The reality was that we’d both pretty quickly grown into completely different people not really suited to each other anyway.

I then measured every new woman I met against an ideal woman from 20 years previously. Which meant every new relationship was doomed to failure.

I’ve learned since then and my last serious relationship lasted 5 years and we had plans to marry. However it broke down for various reasons that were no-one’s particular fault and I closed my heart and mind to her the second I walked out of the house and never allowed myself to give her a second thought. Grieving over things that are gone or wanting things you can never have is a sure fire recipe for misery.

In OP’s case I’d be inclined to keep doing the good work on myself for my own sake and trust that fate will have some much more appropriate and emotionally rewarding woman cross my path when I’m good and ready for it.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Someone who can enjoy the things in life with rather than without you, essentially.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i think you should try out homosexual sex in a bath house.

If you can provide some kind of a logical rationale for this advice I won't delete it as yet another example of the kind of peurile response we don't allow in serious SLR threads.

Seeing as there is nothing intrinsically wrong with either bathhouses, homosexuality, or sexual experimentation it's still in with a chance but on your past form I don't have high hopes for it's survival.

When people expose themselves here in Sex, Love and Relationships and post deeply personal and often traumatic things in the hope of getting some serious help that's all they should be getting. There's lots of alternative threads for shitposting.

 

[assclass]

If you can provide some kind of a logical rationale for this advice I won't delete it as yet another example of the kind of peurile response we don't allow in serious SLR threads.

Seeing as there is nothing intrinsically wrong with either bathhouses, homosexuality, or sexual experimentation it's still in with a chance but on your past form I don't have high hopes for it's survival.

When people expose themselves here in Sex, Love and Relationships and post deeply personal and often traumatic things in the hope of getting some serious help that's all they should be getting. There's lots of alternative threads for shitposting.

you delete my posts for RUDE COMMENTS, but leave them there.

fucking retarded

 

[Jabberwocky]

you delete my posts for RUDE COMMENTS, but leave them there.

fucking retarded

No. It's an object lesson to others who are then able to see practical examples of the kinds of comments that will earn them a Temporary Ban if they persistently try and disrupt threads in Sex, Love & Relationships despite repeated informal polite requests followed by educational warnings of a more formal nature.

Off topic posts, Lounge-style trolling, and inappropriate attempts at humour do actually get tolerated here in SLR quite a bit when they are made by members who have a history of normally posting in good faith and respecting people posting here for help. Unfortunately you lack any such history, but you are welcome to start building one when you get back from your ban.

 

[harbivores]

No. It's an object lesson to others who are then able to see practical examples of the kinds of comments that will earn them a Temporary Ban if they persistently try and disrupt threads in Sex, Love & Relationships despite repeated informal polite requests followed by educational warnings of a more formal nature.

Off topic posts, Lounge-style trolling, and inappropriate attempts at humour do actually get tolerated here in SLR quite a bit when they are made by members who have a history of normally posting in good faith and respecting people posting here for help. Unfortunately you lack any such history, but you are welcome to start building one when you get back from your ban.

Thank You For Banning Him it was really disturbing and disrespectful some of the stuff he said.

 

[deficiT]

you delete my posts for RUDE COMMENTS, but leave them there.

fucking retarded

Your posts are definitely deleted I don't know what you're talking about. I demand you keep crying because your tears are delicious. Oh wait, you can't ttyl

(Yes, I know assclass was talking about his post appearing in perforateds quoted post)

 

[Joey]

I went through something similar and I’m still heartbroken over it months later. We still talk regularly though. Speaking of which, if I’m being honest with myself and you about that I really don’t know if it’s actually healthy for me that we are. I never felt the way I did for anyone the way I still do on a really deep level for him though. What I mean is by continuing to play it out on some superficial level like this by still talking so much I’m hurting myself over and over. I always do. I don’t regret still being friends for anything, but it’s painful. Confusing.

I’m starting a new relationship now with another man, but it’s something I’m putting effort into vs the old way of plain dumb luck finding love like that. I really think that a good relationship should have compromise in its foundations anyway, and we both are willing to put the effort in so that might actually wind up being a beautiful thing. Might be another failure, but it’s worth trying. I need to move on, and so does he actually. We both have a prior relationship hanging over us like this and that’s why we’ve decided we need eachother. For now.

I don’t know if anything ever can work out this way for anyone in any fashion. Literally every relationship we will ever have are all left in failure if they are ended any other way than as a widow(er).

At least, when she’s given you the cold shoulder you can look elsewhere truly. There’s no other realistic choice. My addiction ruined us too. At the same time he couldn’t compromise with me to make a promise that we’re anything significant. Just others now..

I don’t know

 

[assclass]

Your posts are definitely deleted I don't know what you're talking about. I demand you keep crying because your tears are delicious. Oh wait, you can't ttyl

(Yes, I know assclass was talking about his post appearing in perforateds quoted post)

you are a scholar and a gentleman.