Im sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, if so, please redirect me to the right one, thanks in advanced.
Im 27 years old, i remember being depressed since i was 17, always had that tendency, i recognize my behaviour now, back then i just thought it was life giving me strikes but i didnt realize the power of intention, and how the mind affects our day to day situations, i had to suffer a lot to stumble upon these facts, but my frustration now is that i cant seem to break my inner walls, ive read, listened, watched a lot on this matter, i find it really sad to realize im just a weak person, i cry a lot, my self steem is shattered, i have all the symptoms of an isolated/depressed person, cant seem to get out of bed or at least i have to drag myself out of it to go through my day not being present in my mind, which is always spinning around facts that have hurt me, and reminding me how useless i feel, how much i feel like a beat down kid, only by my own decisions.
i had an episode in college that kinda triggered my depression, drunk embarrassing storie, long time ago, still haunts me, still annoys me, makes me feel really awkard around people, cant get over that hump. Ive read a loooot about dmt / ayahuasca, they seem to give me the highest hope of healing, of accepting what has happened in my life, how it has happened, and to continue on with my journey strong and healed from within, because if i cant manage to do that, i dont think ill be able to drag myself trhough life feeling like a fucking looser.
I had to vent out how i felt, maybe theres people that find this interesting and can relate, or just have been through it and can give me some advice, one thing i know is that my history has made me an empathetic human being, that cares about not hurting people, and that i feel was kinda worth the pain.
thanks, and sorry for my kinda bad english, not my first lenguage.
Im 27 years old, i remember being depressed since i was 17, always had that tendency, i recognize my behaviour now, back then i just thought it was life giving me strikes but i didnt realize the power of intention, and how the mind affects our day to day situations, i had to suffer a lot to stumble upon these facts, but my frustration now is that i cant seem to break my inner walls, ive read, listened, watched a lot on this matter, i find it really sad to realize im just a weak person, i cry a lot, my self steem is shattered, i have all the symptoms of an isolated/depressed person, cant seem to get out of bed or at least i have to drag myself out of it to go through my day not being present in my mind, which is always spinning around facts that have hurt me, and reminding me how useless i feel, how much i feel like a beat down kid, only by my own decisions.
i had an episode in college that kinda triggered my depression, drunk embarrassing storie, long time ago, still haunts me, still annoys me, makes me feel really awkard around people, cant get over that hump. Ive read a loooot about dmt / ayahuasca, they seem to give me the highest hope of healing, of accepting what has happened in my life, how it has happened, and to continue on with my journey strong and healed from within, because if i cant manage to do that, i dont think ill be able to drag myself trhough life feeling like a fucking looser.
I had to vent out how i felt, maybe theres people that find this interesting and can relate, or just have been through it and can give me some advice, one thing i know is that my history has made me an empathetic human being, that cares about not hurting people, and that i feel was kinda worth the pain.
thanks, and sorry for my kinda bad english, not my first lenguage.