I think I need this regularily. and not overdo it..

[dexedrine29]

unfortunately I have an addictive personality but when I use I'm a functioning addict.
my background mostly consists of benzos and weed and a good night's sleep. I suffer from documented insomnia but reject any doctor medication so I'm not prescribed anything for the last 2 years or so. where I've been doing shall we say my own hands on research.

and have a history with a wide variety of stimulants in the methylphenidate and amphetamines. was supposed to be on ridalin while in early school. 20 some years now. now since late teen I've only been a pothead but that only led to poor productivity so I kept an eye on it.

I've figured but not concluded my insomnia has to relate to not functioning hard and being tired. I have a hard time focusing if I just blaze one so that's not my dope of choice. that is where the stimulants come in. and obviously I intend to reveal all this after finally seeing doctor in 2 years with some sort of evidence on what I've learned. I just want help not a steady source of drugs. if I wanted them I just buy them its easy i dont care about the cost gnome sain? I come from a family of addiction and with an addictive personality I've kept a close watch on myself but that's not what this is about.

in the younger past I had a problem with dexedrine. got countless each month and ate 15s like candy. 5 or 7 for a 150lb guy caught up to me where I'd go on binges like I later did experimenting with shitty street method which was a problem up til about 6 months ago... I finally get my shit together and a "jar" of dexedrine showed up conveniently and just like a few years ago I had 80 15mg last 12 days. I'm a bit bigger and more experienced with harm reduction these days but I still let it get the better of me.

as I sit here the night of not having any on father's day I just feel terrible not having any. when I use a regular amount 40 ish mg I do well and they last. but after going hard for what seems like a month it's only 12 days in and I don't want to go buy anymore. I want to talk to someone . my appointment is next week I'm just psyching myself up to give the doc the truth. whether that gets me nowhere or not I'll still continue to do as I please. but over 20 years ago I remember multiple sessions. I was add and parents without me knowing rejected tell Ritalin.

is it ironic in my adulthood I find its very beneficial in my routine? I've tried them all.. abused them all before. .but dex is the only thing I can eat sleep and function on. and guess what? I'm so busy during the day not being a burnout that at the end of the day by midnight or so ish I'm tired. I sleep and my routine with wife and 2 year old is a whole lot easier.

I'm afraid the honesty and the depth of my trials I wish to share with doctor will not be beneficial. maybe he can recommend another doctor that can hear my sob stories. I'm like 30 and I'm passed my drug abuse days. the last 2 weeks was more useful as evidence towards my case in my head.

abusing it is not helping but back when I self regulated maybe 3 15s in the morning I'd eat and go make money for ten hours and never feel depressed.

Hella depressed right now. I ran out of down.. oh ya I do 36mg hydro a week. under control I'd say but dex binge no benzos no down. I'm just a wreck wide awake and I know it's temporary I just hope u guys can shed some advice before I get the 3rd degree from doc from drug use :/

thanks for listening. reader since 09 but rough enough I was compelled to post this tonight. feels good. thanks wish me luck

 

[S3TH5150]

I can't really say I have a drug of choice because I will do anything you put in front of my face. Addictive personality indeed. I was taking adderal non stop, sleep, school, I would stay up, not eat and I was going through a break up. I can't really say I have a depression disorder because I don't care enough to see a doctor, I smuggle myself in drugs already, which is great actually. Fathers day was also a rough day, my dad smoking crack and huffing paint and drinking, while he's driving. Passed when I was 8 and I was okay until middle school. I find myself depressed when I'm alone with my thought and I'm geeking or tweaking, but it eventually turns day out and I'm fine. Maybe I'm bipolar who knows I'm fucked up all the time. I feel you, I smoke weed, pop any pain killers that's worth a damn and just recently started trying crystal, fun experience, don't reccomend walking down dark back roads near woods, the mind tricks was scary but I made it home all good. This is the 4th day no sleep, I feel the body pains coming back, drinking coffee at 3:50 a.m. How I look at things is, look at everything with a positive outlook even if its a bunch of fuckery. I know if I had no choice but to go sober you might as well kill me now, people say, don't try that drug it sounds terrible, I see for myself. I know my thoughts are scattered , and maybe just trying to compare but things get better, happiness is the ability to see life how it is, and accept it. Not thinking of what life could have been. Live it to the fullest, in my case fullest is working, seeing how fucked up I can get off all kinds of things in regular life. Happiness is perspective, be open minded, go explore, change routine, anything can make you smile if you try hard enough.

 

[theGirlWithBlueHair]

I would take the chance and share with your doctor - there is no point in not doing it, you never know what is going to happen: most doctors are empathetic and are there to help their patients and to come up with solutions to do so.

 

[SS373dOH]

You're feeling depressed, because your natural dopamine levels have decreased, these will return to normal with time. Going to a doc is a good idea, but it sounds like you also need to see a therapist, or something along those lines. NA meeting will probably help as well, there you have people to listen to the shit that's on your chest, and people that are going through the same things.


Keep us updated,
Good Luck - Hopeless 7nos

 

[tightlywound]

if you "reveal all this after finally seeing doctor in 2 years with some sort of evidence on what you've learned" you will almost certainly not be getting any pharmaceutical help for your problems I can tell you that. you will be viewed as a self medicating drug abuser if not probably full on addict ...doctors can't stand when laypeople seek to illicitly override their "ultimate authority" on drugs. and you will not be prescribed anything considered to have abuse potential.

I recommend if you go to a doctor that you make more generalized references to the drug you want, or coyly try to lead there. you could mention some other now retired doctor in some other place having prescribed you what you want before and that it helped.
otherwise go in w/ a half open mind and let the doctors be doctors.

 

[theGirlWithBlueHair]

My doctor has helped me out when I have been honest with her. But I have been seeing her for a long time.

Edit: example: the three times I went through cannabinoid withdrawals I was up front with my doctor, and she prescribed me dronabinol the first two times, and nabilone - upon my request - the second time.

But if he is seeing a new doctor, chances are slim.

 

[tightlywound]

My doctor has helped me out when I have been honest with her. But I have been seeing her for a long time.

Edit: example: the three times I went through cannabinoid withdrawals I was up front with my doctor, and she prescribed me dronabinol the first two times, and nabilone - upon my request - the second time.

But if he is seeing a new doctor, chances are slim.

cannabinoid w/ds as in from cannabis products???
your doctor prescribed you pharmaceuticals ...multiple times ...for weed withdrawal ...?
you have one hell of a doctor.

just know OP that doctors like this are exceedingly rare.

 

[theGirlWithBlueHair]

From full full agonist cannabinoids like am 2201

i have a good relationship with my doctor. I have been seeing her every month for 5 years, due to an injury I have that has resulted in neurological damage.

 

[dexedrine29]

well I pussied out. put the doctor off. bought some dex and have been functioning decently but decided to quit the hydro. probably not indefinitely but I'm not liking it's subtle effects compared to the days of not having it. been a couple days since I had a little like 6mg only and I'm going through the same feelings I was ten days ago

lol feel hopeless after proofreading that... maybe it's the down and the after abuse of dex but after not abusing it like before my last post I'm feeling better but struggling to keep an open mind whole feeling some withdrawal effects. trying to keep my mind off it. I should see a doc but I wasn't thinking right on my last post. you are right. I label myself as an abuser and so will they. I still have some more self research to do here.

ps I'll be back complaining in a few days when the dex of 2 suppliers is gone for days or weeks. (sarcasm was edited out)

those days where I had no nothing just hoots I felt slow n shitty. depressed and poorly functioning. I'm doing something cool this week with work that put a smile on my face and some cash in my pocket though.

it could always be worse. I try to keep a positive outlook on everything but I'm so empathetic than have to have some first hand experience.

I'm sorry to hear about your father's day too. I appreciate the support of u guys. stay strong. power in number blighters.