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Sex I prefer masturbation over sex

Mysterier said:
It's not uncommon, but this condition is born of having an "extensive masturbation history." It's also a mindset out of which you can work yourself for her, and I would imagine you'd like to do that.
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Taking out the exhibitionist/vouyer aspect, does this happen if during sex you prefer or mainly only want to give pleasure?
 
Stop masturbating so much. Put more effort into the connection with the person. The connection to that person is usually what makes sex so enjoyable. Seems you’re only looking at which gets you off easier.
 
Survival0200 said:
Is it uncommon to prefer masturbation over sex? I have an extensive masturbation history, and I prefer it over having sex with my girlfriend. Sex doesn't really feel THAT good, and it's hard for me to cum. Just wondering if others feel the same ...
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Masturbation leads to desensitization, especially if you're doing it often. Take a break from masturbating and see if you can reorient yourself toward your relationship. As your sex drive demands satiation, you can redirect it toward your girlfriend, and form new associations toward sex.

I relate to what you're saying because I used to be that way a bit, but it took sexual experience to realize that my sex partners just weren't good at pleasing me. When I finally ended up with the right person, sex was awesome. We know what feels good to us but other people don't know that, and they might not have the techniques we like. It's your job to communicate how you like to be touched.
 
Sex is something the body may have to learn to perform and enjoy, anatomically

Maybe because of unnatural lifestyles, sedentary and stressful and often in denial of healthy gender expression (i would guess the appropriate movements for most basic biological actions would occur spontaneously with proper natural exposure to the physical world, but we don't exactly have that anymore)

Masturbation lets you cum and feel good without relying on development of your sexual movements or body in general, of course.

For these reasons, masturbation could have a "local maximum" in your current situation, but my guess is you can overcome it with practice
 
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Foreigner said:
Orgasms on drugs though... :cool:
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True, true. lol Especially very potent stimulants.
Alcohol sex was always so sloppy & awkward.
Never been the type to get horny from weed, but I know many people who do & I've always wondered "wtf".
And opioids feel so great that I have no need for any other earthly pleasure (except maybe some music & cannabis).
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
Never been the type to get horny from weed, but I know many people who do & I've always wondered "wtf".
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I got high yesterday for the first time in over a decade, just 5 drags on a spliff (lol), and I ended the day with a little bop the bishop. It was incredible. I mean I had some nice orgasms when I was a stoner all those years ago, but fuck me. It was some sensual shit. The cannabis heightened both physical and emotional senses. Had that thing where you think your heart is racing, but actually it's beating normally but you can feel something humming in your chest. Very beautiful experience.

Survival0200 said:
Is it uncommon to prefer masturbation over sex? I have an extensive masturbation history, and I prefer it over having sex with my girlfriend. Sex doesn't really feel THAT good, and it's hard for me to cum. Just wondering if others feel the same ...
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I've had some lame partners. Like physically there was nothing bad as such, but it's like they had no conception of my needs as a man. I think perhaps a lot of women have a warped perception of mens sexuality (we're pigs, etc) and don't realize we can be pretty similar actually, in that we need that build up, tension, seduction, playfulness, etc, and not just the physical aspect. Personally I prefer masturbation over sex unless the woman is switched on, otherwise it's basically just masturbation +1 anyway.

Maybe it's the immaturity of youth at play too, I don't know. I get the impression a lot of people just aren't very connected with themselves generally, and how can you be a good lover if you can't even love yourself first? Sensation is always far greater when the emotional component is involved and she's tickling your mind, as well as the sides of your dick and balls.
 
If what you're getting up to in bed isn't doing it for you, you need to switch things up a bit. Too many people feel awkward about letting their partners know exactly what they like and how they like it.
Also yes it's easy to get stuck on masturbation because you perfect that one tried-and-tested method that always delivers, and of course you don't have to take another person into account.

You might start experimenting by varying your masturbation habits so you can cum from different ways of self-stimulation. That will translate into partner sex. A lot of guys take a death grip on their dicks and tug off really roughly; if that's you and you do it that way all the time you're not going to get enough friction from normal sex so it's not gonna feel satisfying.

A good way to get around this is to practice teasing yourself with a lighter touch than usual and without going straight for the head and bashing away. For instance play with your balls, stroke the inside of your thigh, caress the shaft etc but leave the tip alone until you're ready to get down to business. If you only touch the most sensitive part once you're good to go all your nerve endings have fully woken up and you should find it then takes less pressure to get a 'result'.
I'd practice solo with a toy first (to simulate penetration) and then incorporate the 'warm-up' into the foreplay with your partner.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
If what you're getting up to in bed isn't doing it for you, you need to switch things up a bit. Too many people feel awkward about letting their partners know exactly what they like and how they like it.
Also yes it's easy to get stuck on masturbation because you perfect that one tried-and-tested method that always delivers, and of course you don't have to take another person into account.

You might start experimenting by varying your masturbation habits so you can cum from different ways of self-stimulation. That will translate into partner sex. A lot of guys take a death grip on their dicks and tug off really roughly; if that's you and you do it that way all the time you're not going to get enough friction from normal sex so it's not gonna feel satisfying.

A good way to get around this is to practice teasing yourself with a lighter touch than usual and without going straight for the head and bashing away. For instance play with your balls, stroke the inside of your thigh, caress the shaft etc but leave the tip alone until you're ready to get down to business. If you only touch the most sensitive part once you're good to go all your nerve endings have fully woken up and you should find it then takes less pressure to get a 'result'.
I'd practice solo with a toy first (to simulate penetration) and then incorporate the 'warm-up' into the foreplay with your partner.
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Very well said.
 
Survival0200 said:
We had sex for probably an hour and I couldn't get an orgasm with her, because she feels so much different from masturbating. Only while masturbating I can cum.

This sucks, because she thinks it is her fault.

:(
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Stop watching porn dude, it will destroy your life.. I was a porn addict since like 14 years old, and by the time of 19 I had first girlfriend, and I couldnt have sex with her, it was not enough, and i jsut wasnt stimulated, shortly after she ditched me. I dove into porn even more, over time i started having different issues with health, but main thing is perversion that progressed, i starte viewing wierd fetishes like old vs young, im so embaressed to even say that, but its what porn does. Dirty thoughts that invade my mind, thinking about porn 24/7 , homosexual feelings which I didnt have that freak me out and depress me as they invade my being and i dont like it im not gay at all , it grosses me out but they still invade my mind..so really you want that? better quit and never look back, yes its hard and its a fight, but its like a disease you dont want it bro, take care
 
Survival0200 said:
We had sex for probably an hour and I couldn't get an orgasm with her, because she feels so much different from masturbating. Only while masturbating I can cum.

This sucks, because she thinks it is her fault.

:(
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If you want to change it, do this:
- First you need to be straight and tell her it's your fault, that you have an issue, what the issue is, and that you're going to fix it. And tell her how you're going to work on it:
- You need stop masturbating. No porn. Nothing. That's a given. If you want to shift the association from fantasy to flesh you have to interrupt the pattern.
- You need to take month (yes, a month) of total abstinence, for you. You can still please her, just not with your dick. You need to allow your brain, and more importantly your mind, time to unwind the previous pattern. I guarantee by the end of a month you'll be wanting to bust so much that you'll have no trouble finishing.
- Once you do shift the pattern, no more masturbating. Not for a significant time, because the grooves will still be deep in your brain and need time to buff out. Mentally though, a month is enough to break a pattern.

Don't get down about it or ruminate. Just stick to this plan and have a little faith, your body/mind can adjust quickly. You could try a week, but I recommend a month going from experience of doing celibacy and observing the effects. You need to jump tracks, and it's easier to build up some tension and then try all at once, as opposed to pushing gently straight away.. if you get the (poor) analogy.
 
Interestingly enough, it seems like for females, masturbation doesn’t affect us the same. Not too long ago I was researching how to become multi-orgasmic, and one of the articles I read stated that you should start with making yourself cum. (Link to the article for anyone who is curious)

www.marieclaire.com

How I Trained Myself to Have Multiple Orgasms

And how you can, too.
www.marieclaire.com www.marieclaire.com

Then do it several times in a row…it’s like exercising a muscle, you get better at it with practice. And it does seem to be true, at least in my experience. I did this for days on end for a while and it seemed like what the article said was true, the pelvic floor is trainable. And for women, there’s no refractory period. And right now, since I’ve been having frequent sex (YAYYYY) I’ve been able to cum every time, and often multiple times! Part of it is also probably that I’m not on any SSRIs and other meds that we’re having an inhibitory effect. And part is definitely due to the skill of my partner. But whatever the case, women, apparently, can masturbate a ton AND ALSO have immensely satisfying sex.

I think communication is key, here. If you verbalize your wants/needs, then it may make all the difference. Perhaps start by showing her how you prefer to be touched? If you can teach her to masturbate you just like you would do to yourself, that’s a start. It may help make you more motivated to reciprocate, and you can go from there?
 
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