Need Help I need advice. Im afraid to get in sublocade but my life is at stake

[OpiateKiller]

I’m scared guys, I’m afraid. I just got out of the hospital and as many know my life has been an up and down shit show with relapse followed by recovery for 8 years,

I’m tired of screwing up. I’m tired of hurting the people I love. And I’m tired of letting life pass me by as I lose opportunities and people have walked out of my life because I can’t get this right. It’s starting to really effect my mental health.

Im supposed to be taking Suboxone strips but I haven’t been. I’m supposed to get a sublocade shot Friday and quite honestly Im
Afraid. I don’t want to take a step in the wrong direction im not addicted to to opiates but I can’t seem to stop burning my life to the ground no matter the substance.

The damage I’ve done to my body and brain is becoming more and more obvious from drugs. Im killing myself and what scares me more than dying is living disabled or crippled because of my lifestyle.

I find when I take Suboxone I am depressed, I don’t enjoy the feeling of it. I have more energy but less mental clarity. I don’t know if this is from naloxone and if sublocade will be different but a month of feeling like that is terrifying.

I can’t get off gaba drugs if I’m lucky the doctor will continue this klonopin if I’m not and refuse the sublocade then it’s back on phenibut because I don’t know how to get through the withdrawal anymore.

I want to succeed and I’m scared to screw up anymore. I want to make the right decisions based on my recovery and my
Chance at peace and a good life, which for some reason feels very frail.

It feels like I’m standing on ice so thin that if I even think the wrong thought I am going to die. And for once in my life I’m afraid of drugs and I’m afraid of trying to live without them.

I don’t know what to do.

 

[Eligiu]

Hey, so I take buvidal monthly (similar to sublocade, I have said on the forum before that I'm on sublocade but I was told by my case worker they're actually different drugs, so yeah. I don't know what the difference is however) and I've not had any negative effects from it aside from issues with using the bathroom (pretty standard, considering I'm on an opiate 24/7) but I do take laxatives and I'm trying to improve my diet to the point where I won't need them anymore. If it comes to the point at which my next shot is due and I'm not using the bathroom a bit more, I ask them to delay the shot for another week so that I can at least be a bit more normal.

I have a friend that just consistently felt terrible on suboxone strips. She never tried the Buvidal.

First things first, at this stage because you haven't been taking the suboxone strips, you cannot take the sublocade. You need to stabilise first on the equivalent daily dose for 7 days, then not take any the day of your first injection. So I would strongly suggest not going in and taking it if you aren't going to take the suboxone. I'm not sure what happens if you were to do this, but I am sure they do it this way for a reason.

I have found the monthly injection amazing, but I live in a country with supervised dosing so I always felt shit after 6-8 months of going to the chemist every day and having people see me take my dose, and be reminded of my 'junky' status like a slap in the face every morning. I don't get this with Buvidal. I go to the state AOD clinic once a month with my support worker for 30-45 min, and they do the shot there in privacy.

I don't quite understand why you would be being put on not only suboxone but Sublocade if you aren't addicted to opiates. It's a very, very strong medication. Buprenorphine is as potent as fentanyl, it just works differently. When I was 17 the drug of dependence unit refused to authorise a prescription for suboxone until the addiction medicine specialist argued that I was taking 2-3 packets of ibuprofen plus codeine a day which was 18,000mg ibuprofen max. Even then they were hesitant when he initially just said it was codeine. They only agreed because of how much ibuprofen I was taking because of how much codeine I was eating.

If you aren't addicted to opiates I actually don't really suggest going on maintenance therapy, unless like me you find that you're very psychologically dependant on them, in which case they can be useful.

I can't comment on whether they'll continue to prescribe benzos, not my area of knowledge.

Edit: sublocade and Buvidal both don't have naltrexone in them. So if that changes your mind at all, may be useful information. Straight Buprenorphine.

 

[BourbonMac]

Look into NAC, it is very good for helping people with any addictions. Nigella Sativa (black seed oil) is also very good and has mild mu-opioid receptor activity. Many people withdrawing find it helps a lot. When I was prescribed oxy after sinus surgery 5 months ago, I noticed I was starting to like it a bit too much... Once I ran out I craved it for days, but when I used black seed oil it was like it tickled the receptor just enough for me to not want any more.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

until the addiction medicine specialist argued that I was taking 2-3 packets of ibuprofen plus codeine a day which was 18,000mg ibuprofen max.

I am surprised you still have a stomach lining

 

[OpiateKiller]

I’m going to ask at my appointment to get put on subutex to see if my body responds better without the naloxone I’m definitely not tolerant enough for sublocade I’ve been taking 1 mg

 

[G_Chem]

I’m going to ask at my appointment to get put on subutex to see if my body responds better without the naloxone I’m definitely not tolerant enough for sublocade I’ve been taking 1 mg

If you can, try brand name Suboxone. I react really bad to everything except brand name. The generics have this strange effect where they almost feel stronger in certain ways but also lack that opiate energy and give a real nasty migraine like headache at the onset.

-GC

 

[Eligiu]

I am surprised you still have a stomach lining

So am I, at that time it was only 6 months of doing that, eventually it was around 3 years all up.

My GP wants me to donate my body for science because what I was taking at the worst of my addiction somehow didn't kill me. I needed to have a procedure done where they stuck a tube down my throat under twilight sedation because I wasn't eating much because he suspected the ibuprofen had done some damage. Not a bit.

I was stupid when I did it. At 17 I didn't know better. Years later I guess I just forgot. And doing CWEs when I was homeless and couldn't access heroin were well, not a possibility. So I was like 'well, a paracetamol OD will literally cause my organs to shut down. Can't see any information about ibuprofen doing the same thing.

Again at 22 when I got put on it, the addiction medicine specialist was far more concerned about the ibuprofen than the codeine. I was clearly addicted to the codeine, but that was the issue. I wasn't going to stop taking it, and therefore also wouldn't stop taking the ibuprofen.

Don't do it, bad idea.

 

[RoaminW]

I’m scared guys, I’m afraid. I just got out of the hospital and as many know my life has been an up and down shit show with relapse followed by recovery for 8 years,

I’m tired of screwing up. I’m tired of hurting the people I love. And I’m tired of letting life pass me by as I lose opportunities and people have walked out of my life because I can’t get this right. It’s starting to really effect my mental health.

Im supposed to be taking Suboxone strips but I haven’t been. I’m supposed to get a sublocade shot Friday and quite honestly Im
Afraid. I don’t want to take a step in the wrong direction im not addicted to to opiates but I can’t seem to stop burning my life to the ground no matter the substance.

The damage I’ve done to my body and brain is becoming more and more obvious from drugs. Im killing myself and what scares me more than dying is living disabled or crippled because of my lifestyle.

I find when I take Suboxone I am depressed, I don’t enjoy the feeling of it. I have more energy but less mental clarity. I don’t know if this is from naloxone and if sublocade will be different but a month of feeling like that is terrifying.

I can’t get off gaba drugs if I’m lucky the doctor will continue this klonopin if I’m not and refuse the sublocade then it’s back on phenibut because I don’t know how to get through the withdrawal anymore.

I want to succeed and I’m scared to screw up anymore. I want to make the right decisions based on my recovery and my
Chance at peace and a good life, which for some reason feels very frail.

It feels like I’m standing on ice so thin that if I even think the wrong thought I am going to die. And for once in my life I’m afraid of drugs and I’m afraid of trying to live without them.

I don’t know what to do.

This answer could help you or hurt you, depending on if you take the advice or not.

I find that I’m absolutely unable to feel content at all post-opioid dependency. The satisfaction one feels upon completing a task, or the motivation to start a task is gone. That’s the issue at heart of relapsing. We just don’t feel like we used to could before opioids/opiates dependency. It is unwittingly stolen from us and we don’t know it’s going to do that.

You have to accept that bone deep, and be okay with it. It is how you are now. That’s the deal.

I run on a navy type of sleep/wake cycle. 6 hrs each. I sleep every other 6 hours. The much more benign sleeping benzo is basically what replaced my opioid dependency, but I didn’t do that on purpose. When I cleaned up in 07, I couldn’t sleep to save my life, so I required prescription sleep meds. It is now the de facto replacement. Instead of attempting to find some pills or whatever, I take a nap. When I wake up, I feel better. No matter what, restorative sleep, not just sleep, but restorative sleep, is crucial!

Accept your brain as it is now. Get good sleep. Learn how to exist in your new dynamic. (It never hurts to separate from a group of friends that may enable you, too, even if it’s just long enough to stabilize yourself, or permanent.) That’s in your control.

Hang in there, people still love and care for you, even if you’ve made some fouls. Read the lyrics as you listen to Stevie Ray Vaughns “Tightrope” song…

 

[neversickanymore]

This answer could help you or hurt you, depending on if you take the advice or not.

I find that I’m absolutely unable to feel content at all post-opioid dependency. The satisfaction one feels upon completing a task, or the motivation to start a task is gone. That’s the issue at heart of relapsing. We just don’t feel like we used to could before opioids/opiates dependency. It is unwittingly stolen from us and we don’t know it’s going to do that.

You have to accept that bone deep, and be okay with it. It is how you are now. That’s the deal.

I run on a navy type of sleep/wake cycle. 6 hrs each. I sleep every other 6 hours. The much more benign sleeping benzo is basically what replaced my opioid dependency, but I didn’t do that on purpose. When I cleaned up in 07, I couldn’t sleep to save my life, so I required prescription sleep meds. It is now the de facto replacement. Instead of attempting to find some pills or whatever, I take a nap. When I wake up, I feel better. No matter what, restorative sleep, not just sleep, but restorative sleep, is crucial!

Accept your brain as it is now. Get good sleep. Learn how to exist in your new dynamic. (It never hurts to separate from a group of friends that may enable you, too, even if it’s just long enough to stabilize yourself, or permanent.) That’s in your control.

Hang in there, people still love and care for you, even if you’ve made some fouls. Read the lyrics as you listen to Stevie Ray Vaughns “Tightrope” song…

Curious, so you have been going through this for 14 plus years? The sleep condition? Its not clear to me if your taking, were taking or occasionally take a short acting sleep med?

Completely on board with sleep being crucial. So circadian rythem, our genetic predisposed sleep wake pattern, is determined off sunligh or blue light. We certainly do not all have the same rhythms, but they are determined off a system. I would seriously consider chucking the Navy sleep/wake cycle out the fucking window of a space ship and never look back. We live on a planet that has roughly a twelve on twelve off light cycle. The light cycle largely determines our circadian rhythm. As you stated healthy sleep is paramount to health and our life experience. Fuck the navies system, consider returning to Earth rhythm.

@OpiateKiller.. little steps in the right direction, thats what it takes.

 

[RoaminW]

Curious, so you have been going through this for 14 plus years? The sleep condition? Its not clear to me if your taking, were taking or occasionally take a short acting sleep med?

Completely on board with sleep being crucial. So circadian rythem, our genetic predisposed sleep wake pattern, is determined off sunligh or blue light. We certainly do not all have the same rhythms, but they are determined off a system. I would seriously consider chucking the Navy sleep/wake cycle out the fucking window of a space ship and never look back. We live on a planet that has roughly a twelve on twelve off light cycle. The light cycle largely determines our circadian rhythm. As you stated healthy sleep is paramount to health and our life experience. Fuck the navies system, consider returning to Earth rhythm.

Don’t you think if I could get back to how I was before, I’d do that? Once we re-wire our brains with a strong dependency, depression is highly common. If I need to stay up all day, I can, and do, but if I am not doing anything in particular, where my mind focuses on just me, I have to get it to stop. Taking a nap does that. Also, I Never sleep a whole 6 hours during daytime. More like 2 or 3, but my cycle is LIKE a navy 6x4 type of day.
If the earth system is no longer right for you, chunk it and do your own individual thing. I have literally been awake for 7 days in a row. Days 6 and 7 were foggy. My insomnia isn’t as bad as that anymore, but it is still profound.

 

[neversickanymore]

Don’t you think if I could get back to how I was before, I’d do that? Once we retire our brains with a strong dependency, depression is highly common. If I need to stay up all day, I can, and do, but if I am not doing anything in particular, where my mind focuses on just me, I have to get it to stop. Taking a nap does that. Also, I Never sleep a whole 6 hours during daytime. More like 2 or 3, but my cycle is LIKE a navy 6x4 type of day.
If the earth system is no longer right for you, chunk it and do your own individual thing. I have literally been awake for 7 days in a row. Days 6 and 7 were foggy. My insomnia isn’t as bad as that anymore, but it is still profound.

I agree and have seen this with my father, retired ER physician and because he worked rotating shifts including so many nights.. his sleep schedule is an unsolvable mess as well.

Thats one of the reasons I told my company that if you want me to start at 4am.. you better be at your desk already. I just stood my ground for almost two years. I won, at least for now.

 

[Rainman1964]

I’m scared guys, I’m afraid. I just got out of the hospital and as many know my life has been an up and down shit show with relapse followed by recovery for 8 years,

I’m tired of screwing up. I’m tiwred of hurting the people I love. And I’m tired of letting life pass me by as I lose opportunities and people have walked out of my life because I can’t get this right. It’s starting to really effect my mental health.

Im supposed to be taking Suboxone strips but I haven’t been. I’m supposed to get a sublocade shot Friday and quite honestly Im
Afraid. I don’t want to take a step in the wrong direction im not addicted to to opiates but I can’t seem to stop burning my life to the ground no matter the substance.

The damage I’ve done to my body and brain is becoming more and more obvious from drugs. Im killing myself and what scares me more than dying is living disabled or crippled because of my lifestyle.

I find when I take Suboxone I am depressed, I don’t enjoy the feeling of it. I have more energy but less mental clarity. I don’t know if this is from naloxone and if sublocade will be different but a month of feeling like that is terrifying.

I can’t get off gaba drugs if I’m lucky the doctor will continue this klonopin if I’m not and refuse the sublocade then it’s back on phenibut because I don’t know how to get through the withdrawal anymore.

I want to succeed and I’m scared to screw up anymore. I want to make the right decisions based on my recovery and my
Chance at peace and a good life, which for some reason feels very frail.

It feels like I’m standing on ice so thin that if I even think the wrong thought I am going to die. And for once in my life I’m afraid of drugs and I’m afraid of trying to live without them.

I don’t know what to do.

Hi Honey.....and also to everyone else here who has had a difficult time. My advice comes from living almost 60 years, which is one of the best things in the world to calming the mind and bringing understanding and some peace to one's life most days.

It makes me so sad not to just take everyone who suffers, even just a little and give you all big warm hugs and in those moments, give you the feeling that make you feel the best and stress free. But we know this can only happen in our thoughts which can still be a pleasant thought at that. I do not think that you realize that you have nothing to fear. However this fear that you are experiencing of being without substance is the fear of having to face oneself. This is usually the most terrifying thing to anyone to does any type of drug, for whatever reason.

All of you are intelligent, caring, kind and sensitive individuals just in the little communication I have witnessed. Wouldn't you like to know yourself?

When I was at the point in my life when I finally faced with the only choice in front of me was meeting myself and becoming my friend, etc., I was in foreign territory. I am my favorite company now.

And, if I ever want to abuse my body with any type of chemical, good or bad, eat something I do not want to share, good or bad, or do or say anything I want to, I never have to worry anymore about what anyone else thinks or share anything with anyone.

In all seriousness, I have been where you are in my lifetime in one degree or another. Changing the scenery or my entire situation got me through it. Whoever said to stay away from people who trigger you is giving the best advise of all. Unfortunately, when you want a major life change you need to leave the entire world behind.

The real question here is how bad do you want it now, and have you figured out what your real issue is that causes you to do things to yourself that you are beginning to dislike so much? The drugs are a symptom. if you do not take care of what causes you to go to the drugs or bad behavior or ingest something that is killing your mind and body, nothing will help you if you want to stop.

You know the old saying, "wherever you go, there you are."

Stay strong.....Courage!

V

 

[OpiateKiller]

If you can, try brand name Suboxone. I react really bad to everything except brand name. The generics have this strange effect where they almost feel stronger in certain ways but also lack that opiate energy and give a real nasty migraine like headache at the onset.

-GC

Yeah I always get the yellow strips for some reason they suck i just got generic bupe 8 mg we’ll see how they do

 

[neversickanymore]

@OpiateKiller

You have been taking some great steps.. looking into and getting advice on recovery meds.. talked about 90 in 90.

Consider a list of easily accomplishable tasks.. load it right up here. Good people will likely add to or give advice on. I think your absolute best option is to focus on recovery, don't get all swept up in the advanced goals as they won't happen without you healing. Get onto those a little later on.

Consider loading a list of of easy ass shit.. don't add so much stuff you get overloaded.. how about 7 easy things your going to do. If a task stresses you out and seems complicated, break it into simpler tasks. As you knock them off, give yourself credit, add a few more.

Just a warning.. this can throw you into future world.. life is a journey.. there is only one real destination.. if you get there.. well you no longer have to worry about.. well anything that i'm aware of. Take a minute or two each day to take a breath and enjoy the here and now,, its really all we ever get.

its a tool to change your present

-start a list of easy ass shit i'm going to accomplish to transform and take my life back
-figure out the meds
-get the meds on board
-?

 

[OpiateKiller]

@OpiateKiller

You have been taking some great steps.. looking into and getting advice on recovery meds.. talked about 90 in 90.

Consider a list of easily accomplishable tasks.. load it right up here. Good people will likely add to or give advice on. I think your absolute best option is to focus on recovery, don't get all swept up in the advanced goals as they won't happen without you healing. Get onto those a little later on.

Consider loading a list of of easy ass shit.. don't add so much stuff you get overloaded.. how about 7 easy things your going to do. If a task stresses you out and seems complicated, break it into simpler tasks. As you knock them off, give yourself credit, add a few more.

Just a warning.. this can throw you into future world.. life is a journey.. there is only one real destination.. if you get there.. well you no longer have to worry about.. well anything that i'm aware of. Take a minute or two each day to take a breath and enjoy the here and now,, its really all we ever get.

its a tool to change your present

-start a list of easy ass shit i'm going to accomplish to transform and take my life back
-figure out the meds
-get the meds on board
-?

It definitely is good to write it down! Things are going pretty great.

1. Go to the gym at least 3x a week (went the last 2 days in a row)
2. Go to at least 4 meetings a week (I realized I think a meeting a day is overkill and I’m not that unstable I need that kind of structure) I went to a meeting Monday night and shared with a lot of people in AA that I relapsed and was happy to be back.
3. Find my next job because my current one isn’t paying enough and it’s ending due to winter
4. Pray morning and night
5. Only pursue 3 or less women at a time
And be honest with them


Honestly for me it’s simple, meeting gym
Work God and I’ll get through another day.

Got on subutex feel great. The doctor was gonna drop me to 29 instead of 30 klonopin as in go down one a month but I’m gonna try and convince him I don’t want to come off.

Life is good if I make it be!

 

[RoaminW]

Curious, so you have been going through this for 14 plus years? The sleep condition? Its not clear to me if your taking, were taking or occasionally take a short acting sleep med?

Completely on board with sleep being crucial. So circadian rythem, our genetic predisposed sleep wake pattern, is determined off sunligh or blue light. We certainly do not all have the same rhythms, but they are determined off a system. I would seriously consider chucking the Navy sleep/wake cycle out the fucking window of a space ship and never look back. We live on a planet that has roughly a twelve on twelve off light cycle. The light cycle largely determines our circadian rhythm. As you stated healthy sleep is paramount to health and our life experience. Fuck the navies system, consider returning to Earth rhythm.

@OpiateKiller.. little steps in the right direction, thats what it takes.

Oh, and I’ve been taking them constantly since 07. I went 3 months without them a few years back when my first doctor I was seeing for insomnia retired to Key West. I tried to not have to take them. After three months of some really bad sleep/rest, I sought another doctor for it.