I miss smoking weed (Anxiety, Depersonalization)

[st0rch]

Hey everyone,

About two / three years ago I started having major panic attacks all the time, along with derealization and depersonalization, almost out of body like experiences. Not sure what brought this on (possible caffiene intake, drug use, lyme disease), but it was so bad I didn't leave my house for a year. The anxiety completely took over my life.

For three years, I haven't touched marijuana in fear that it would make it worse, as I know that depersonalization can be a side effect, and I did feel anxious occasionally on weed to the point where I thought I was losing my mind. I was even afraid to drink until I recently started again socially.


The thing is, I miss smoking so bad. I miss watching movies or listening to music or eating while high and how fun and in another world it felt. I'm just TERRIFIED that it would cause another depersonalization episode when I've mostly recovered now, after three very hard years of struggling through hell and ER visits just to feel normal again. I'm afraid even once would cause this, and I'd be back at square one. Is it feasible that I'll ever be able to smoke again without these effects? Is there anything I can even do? I really miss it, and wish I wasn't such an anxious person. I have no friends who would have panic attacks if they got "too high" like me. What's wrong with me???

Anyone else gone through something similar and was able to get over it?

 

[Billard]

I swear you sound just like me, this is exactly how i feel and i still cant smoke peacefully nor have i found any solutions to fix it, i only have ideas but i am scared to smoke again too to put them to the test.

Anyways, I posted the same question on here some months back, I smoked 13 years with no problems, I stopped for 3 months due to health problems and I tried smoking again at the end of the 3 months, just one puff off a bowl and I got bad derealization, anxiety and panic attack, first time ever getting any of this and it scared me.

Only answers I got were "you out grew cannabis", "you must have some problems in life that needs sorted out and they manifest when high" "do you use or abuse psychedelics" "get to a better place in life and they should stop" "smoke indica strains" and a few more...

Now i agree on the "you must have problems in life", as i had health problems at the time and when i got high that was all i could think about, thus bringing on a panic attack.

I smoked like 3 times after the first bad experience, each with panic, anxiety and derealization BUT i felt like I was getting better the more I smoked, I felt like if I smoked 3 or 4 more times I would have been able to enjoy it again, my friend also suggested "smoking through it" but at that point I lost all intrest in weed, now I would like to puff again but getting back to a comfortable high just seems like too much work and too many mind games for me, plus I save money by not smoking.

I hope you get some answers, sorry I was of no real help, I just wanted to share my experience and maybe you could take something from it and use it to help you, I also didn't want to throw speculation out there.

 

[Durzo1258]

It's not out growing cannabis, what ever is that supposed to mean anyway. Now I'd try smoking the heavy indica strains, they tend to be calming, also don't smoke much, getting too high is common source of anxiety on weed.
And yes you have to answer is the anxiety could be caused by everyday stress. Weed can make it worse.

 

[waffle-head]

I suffered the same, I switched to hash. Hash is my saviour. Try it, if you haven't already

 

[Billard]

Wouldn't hash cause greater anxiety more so than flower would because it is twice as potent?? Glad you found something that worked for you and i do remember the few times smoking hash being really chill and peacefull but i am not so sure that would work but to each there own i guess.

"Outgrowing cannabis" is just a way of saying your body/mind does not agree with it or you no longer have the desire to use it.

The word "indica" gets thrown around a lot when people suggest strains for anxiety, honestly i smoked indica (nothern lights) and it was bad, had a panic attack and felt so cloudy and groggy, if you want to get back into using cannabis i would suggest low thc/high cbd strains, possibly even a low thc, mellow sativa hybrid as that might uplift you and make you happy, just stay away from pure or potent sativa's like green crack or durban poison, maybe try making a real low dose cup of tea out of a few stems and a little leaf and drinking that slowly, if low thc/high cbd strains are not available, but it could just be your time is up and you did "outgrow" cannabis, you do not want to go back to square one or make any more hospital visits, i too went to the hospital when i panicked, i know it's no fun and i already accepted that i have "outgrown" it, as much as i miss it, i know i will probably never enjoy it again.

 

[Boku_]

To be fair for the OP if he really is experiencing what he thinks is a derealization depersonalization disorder then weed really is the last thing he needs. No matter how good he remembers the high to be from cannabis.

I feel for the OP i too get terrible panic attacks if i smoke weed with hydroponic grown skunk causing me the most angst. It took me a while to realise but i'm the type of person who although once enjoyed smoking weed something clicked in the make up of my Brain and i must avoid marijuana at all costs. The anxiety and paranoia are just not worth it.

It sucks because i remember smoking weed to be very mellow and relaxing activity but it really is more common than you think for a person to handle weed for an extended period of time and then out of nowhere something clicks in a users mind and from that moment on weed only has negative mental effects such as the OP is describing.

As Billard said outgrowing cannabis happens when you get to the point cannabis doesn't agree with your mind or body.

A good way to explain what a person who outgrows cannabis goes through is that they can be a in room with a group of people socialising talking laughing feeling at ease in the situation and then they smoke some weed and instantly they feel overwhelmed with anxiety derealization depersonalization and all of a sudden sitting in a room with other people feels uncomfortable and they have to get up and leave the room.

To the OP is my room analogue a similar situation to what you felt when you had panic attacks?