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Pgb

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 4, 2022
Messages
38
Reading this page i feel i should share some of my trials.
The specifics would take to long. Suffice it to say at 45 i had burned down and rebuilt my life 3 times . 4 DUI's. DL Suspended for life, minor criminal record, career, house, wife, money gone. Every door of any type of opportunity locked tight. Again details too lengthy but went back to school at 47.today i have RN degree and license both School and license board kept telling me no and putting up hoops to just through. I Have many other licenses , DL back, and even a government secret clearance. Dont get me wrong, it was not easy it was a mother fucker but i just kept pushing and pushing. I am as big an addict and fuck up as anyone. If i can do it all of you can. Don't give up. Keep pushing. there is a way through as impossible as it may seem now. Stay strong keep moving forward
 
I'm sorry your post in Basic Drugs got trolled and members were judgmental. Had I seen it before then I would have moved it to our Sex and Love sub forum.

Welcome to Bluelight. :Mario party:
 
And if you would like to post your question again in that sub forum you won't get the responses you did in your first attempt.

And if you do...........come find me. :peperave:
 
Lots of ways to nurse; its a beautiful thing; you seem to support and care for people; you picked the name, so to me, it seems like you are.

We all role play anyway, Im a teacher but I don't attend to schoolkids, very often anyway. There ain't a professional bridge I haven't burned, but yet I dream
 
lolis my thesis said:
Lots of ways to nurse; its a beautiful thing; you seem to support and care for people; you picked the name, so to me, it seems like you are.

We all role play anyway, Im a teacher but I don't attend to schoolkids, very often anyway. There ain't a professional bridge I haven't burned, but yet I dream
Click to expand...
Love the way you think. I'm going to assume you have never seen " One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest " with Jack Nicholson. It's a Stanley Kubrick film. Nurse Ratched was the head nurse in an insane asylum and was loathed by the Nicholson character. She was actually quite the bitch and Jack's character eventually got all the other inmates to hate her as well. Ironically, she had the patien's best interests at heart and Nicholson was a loose cannon. She had him lobotomized in the end.

@6am-64-14m , my good friend here, nicknamed me that when I gave him what's for and how come when he was abusing benzos and falling down and breaking bones because of it. And it stuck. So I changed my name from Pumpkin2021 to Nurse Ratched in honor of Mr. 6
 
I did read the book; now it rings a bell in my cobwebbed noggin its been awhile
and am familiar with Indian Joe; or some such.
It's been awhile but I love that cocksure, cockeyed, conspiritorial grin that Jack is blessed with.
He probably needs to be lobotomized hearing some of his real life stories.
 
lolis my thesis said:
:Mario:
I did read the book; now it rings a bell in my cobwebbed noggin its been awhile
and am familiar with Indian Joe; or some such.
It's been awhile but I love that cocksure, cockeyed, conspiritorial grin that Jack is blessed with.
He probably needs to be lobotomized hearing some of his real life stories.
Click to expand...
Yep........Chief. He picks up the sink in the end and crashes out in honor of his good friend Randall McMurphy.

And i seriously doubt you have a cobbwebby noggin. I have read your posts and you seem fine to me !!
 
Thanks! I hear that from some people; Im a wordy motherfucker; got a novel in me somewheres. I used to be lightning fast and now I am running from lightning; perma-fuzzy in the head. My ever shrinking life; but as of yet won't succomb to pain; rather seeking answers.

Had a dream last night was camping; my truck and trailer went crazy out of control; I wasn't in it but watching helplessly. It bounced into another campsite and somehow hit and launched a cow safely over up and over another campsite; and some old granny sitting by the fire. At least that was amusing! Then horrible lightning storms with tornados ensued and every shelter or refuge in other trailers, with strangers, some who spoke Spanish, can't quite remember but I was sitting in an Airstream next to a little hispanic boy and opposite his mother. Others always offering shelter; but would slide wrecklessly out of control from gnarly storms that kept coming; both electric shock danger; tornadic columns of doom; turning the hillside to mud, always careening down the muddy slope; sliding into other campers.

Obvs; Looking for refuge; family members present but don't know who. Definitely my son was present. Maybe my ex-wife. Running for shelter. Looming disaster. Kept going back to the dream after waking up; futile attempts to shake my head clear in vain. Symbolic? I know I was uneasy as my son went out last night; already semi hammered and a with warrant on his head. He's suffering but I feel like a deer in the headlights; running in place, living the same day over and over. Went to bed with a sense of dread in my head. Was ever relieved to see him home this AM. Too much worry and stress; fear of loss of myself and seeing my daughter and ex-wife ever more distant on my horizon. Alien nation.

damn headache that has persisted the better part of the year; I can't remember who is who on basketball teams; and don't really recall the last year at all. I had surgery; but don't remember the recovery but sure as hell feel more pain now than ever. I don't feel smart anymore; after a disc replacement in my neck. Pain doc is throwing up his hands; Other docs are saying I am hazy from taking drugs. Pain doc saying I need to go to Mayo Clinic for specialized help; but it takes so much oomph, patience and time to organize stuff. Have a teaching gig but wake up with such angst and fatigue that I dread school starting when usually I look forward to being a ringmaster; letting the kids be kids. If a kid wants to go to the restroom I say, take your time, you're the hall monitor's problem now. Like they werent on task anyway; why not try and help the ones there to learn not forced by the institutional machine; My daughter put herself thru college; yet my son got chewed up and spit out, not for lack of aptitude, but resentment and stubborness. I am very intrigued by the ever different humans and what makes em; some kids raised by wolves, others with giant expectations from parents. Influenced by friends and wants and needs and fears. Technology is the soothing opiate that keeps most from rebelling like we did in the good old days.

And I got me a regular doc throwing anti depressants and mood stabilizers thinking more meds will help me with my medication problem, like WTF?

I missed a damn dentist appointment the other day; I was on the wrong day and even the wrong time. My daughter says I remember my own birth as I remember the smallest of details from 20 plus years ago; I remember high school but couldnt tell you about last week.

Drugs; but they helped me function for better part of 20 years now Im extra weak and also hazed. They were; but no longer are; enough to allow me decent quality of life. Holding on; walking and swimming, even though it doesn't really make me stronger like it used to do.
Dont even smoke pot(anymore) or drink; just take opiates benzos and lyrica. A cocktail for sure.
Maybe its the drugs; but why did they work for 20 years and then suddenly turn on me? Arggh
 
Interests: Surfing, skating, camping, marine biology(aside: been attacked by a sea lion, and caught a seabird in my own hands, carressed bulbous kelp maidens that would spring up between waves, kinda cool, surfing with dolphins leaving tracers from their fins, surfing on the same waves in the night, pure stoke shared at the Rincon) scheming, weather patterns, human behavior, study of language, travel, teaching, sports in general, fitness, mental health is suffering as my pursuits are too reckless; being told to mourn what is lost and do physical therapy instead. Never been a gym person, although I do enjoy swimming.
 
Pgb said:
Reading this page i feel i should share some of my trials.
The specifics would take to long. Suffice it to say at 45 i had burned down and rebuilt my life 3 times . 4 DUI's. DL Suspended for life, minor criminal record, career, house, wife, money gone. Every door of any type of opportunity locked tight. Again details too lengthy but went back to school at 47.today i have RN degree and license both School and license board kept telling me no and putting up hoops to just through. I Have many other licenses , DL back, and even a government secret clearance. Dont get me wrong, it was not easy it was a mother fucker but i just kept pushing and pushing. I am as big an addict and fuck up as anyone. If i can do it all of you can. Don't give up. Keep pushing. there is a way through as impossible as it may seem now. Stay strong keep moving forward
Click to expand...
Thank you for your inspirational words and welcome to Bluelight! Hope to see you around.
 
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