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I love her, but I do not like her.

RhythmSpring

RhythmSpring

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
2,255
In my mind, I'm like, "I would go to the gates of hell for her. She is the wisest, most loving, innocent and beautiful person I know. Her existence means a lot to me." And when she talks to me, I'm like, "oh good."

But there's always something about how she talks to me that makes me feel insignificant. Or invalidated. I hate actually interacting with her. I'm attracted to her, physically, mentally, spiritually, but her personality is ungraspable. She listens to no one else but herself, she is completely free. As a result, she's magical, happy, a force of nature. But on the flipside, this means that I can't relate to her on an ego level. It's immensely teaching, but it's also a scary feeling.

Anyway, we broke up our 2-year relationship 1.5 years ago. And I guess I'm still not over her. But I feel like I should be, because she makes me unhappy whenever we interact.

What is WRONG with me??? I wonder if she feels similarly conflicted about me.
 
RhythmSpring said:
What is WRONG with me???
Click to expand...

I hope you know this already, but nothing :)
Looking for rationality is a bit pointless when it comes to this kinda stuff. Fact is this is how you feel and there really isn't any point beating yourself up about it. Can I ask why the relationship ended and if you were happy in it, considering you say it makes you unhappy to interact with her, but the relationship did last 2 years? It can take a very long time to get over LT relationships but it doesn't mean it won't happen and it doesn't mean you should blame yourself for it. I assume if you stayed with her that long there must have been something about your relationship that made you happy; so why would anything be wrong with you?
Also, dyou know if she actually considers herself as sort of 'above' usual interactions or if this is just the way she comes across without meaning to?
 
I don't really beat myself up about it, but I DO want to figure it out, somehow. Such a combination of extreme and opposing emotions is such a mystery to me.

The relationship ended because I found myself drained, stressed out and nervous around her, and I honestly just stopped having feelings for her. She would be in my arms and I might as well have been alone. The relationship lasted for almost 2 years because, in part, I was/we were chasing the dynamic we had in the first ~3 months of our relationship. The rest of the relationship was extremely rocky, with probably about 10-20 mini-breakups, with ecstatic highs and harrowing lows. We're both stubborn, smart, creative and independent people (musicians), if that gives you any idea of how crazy we are/were.

So in a way, I stayed with her partially out of hope, rather than attraction.

I don't think she considers herself above anything. It appears she has a very healthy spiritual outlook--she gets upset any time I put her on any kind of a pedestal--she vehemently believes that she is no more or less than anyone else. I think that dynamic was more a result of my own feelings of inadequacy.
 
If she truly loved you, she would have been more aware of how her actions/words affected you.
 
We always want what we can't have.

I know a man, and everything you listed in your OP, RhythmSpring, could be easily exchanged for my former situation with said man.

You love how free and different she is than anyone else you know.

But she doesn't love you back. The sad truth is, you can't make someone love you.

Move on. You'll find someone better who treats you with the respect you deserve.
 
RhythmSpring said:
In my mind, I'm like, "I would go to the gates of hell for her. She is the wisest, most loving, innocent and beautiful person I know. Her existence means a lot to me." And when she talks to me, I'm like, "oh good."

But there's always something about how she talks to me that makes me feel insignificant. Or invalidated. I hate actually interacting with her. I'm attracted to her, physically, mentally, spiritually, but her personality is ungraspable. She listens to no one else but herself, she is completely free. As a result, she's magical, happy, a force of nature. But on the flipside, this means that I can't relate to her on an ego level. It's immensely teaching, but it's also a scary feeling.

Anyway, we broke up our 2-year relationship 1.5 years ago. And I guess I'm still not over her. But I feel like I should be, because she makes me unhappy whenever we interact.

What is WRONG with me??? I wonder if she feels similarly conflicted about me.
Click to expand...

There is nothing wrong with you! its called being human, and LOVE> it can be the craziest thing. you love her still. but you don't like her. you should talk to her about it and see what she has to say! you never know. she might change for you! i know my boyfriend didn't like the fact that i was city and he was country, and that i talked in slang. and he hated the fact that i dated black men. we we have had our great differences, but i changed a lot about myself to be with him for the better. and we now have a 5 month baby together and love eachother. i mean it is still a work in progress and everyday is a change but i feel as though if we keep working on things we will reach what we both want! good luck!
 
you learn a lot more about a relationship when you consider not how you feel about somebody, but how they make you feel about yourself. sounds like you're better off apart...

alasdair
 
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