Lost I lost the greatest woman because I couldn’t change

[OpiateKiller]

I had the greatest girlfriend ever. From 21 until I was 28. We were supposed to be forever. She stuck with me through every rehab every arrest every jail trip every time I cheated. She was like the hero I never deserved. And this summer me and her broke up over a freaking Instagram follower. And at the time I didn’t care I thought we were too damaged I thought it was too late.

I was too late. I broke her heart too many times. I took her for granted. I was a great boyfriend at times, and a drug addict at others. Honest at times, but often lying, cheating, being a total piece of shit.

And she’s done. She’s gone. It’s over and it’s all hitting me and it’s not even like I can just move on. She pops into my head all the time. Randomly. I’ll be talking to another girl or dating another girl and just thinking of how much better she was in just about every single aspect of life.

And I traded girls drugs and gambling for the woman of my dreams. And I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.

For now I just got back out of detox .. again… this time a methadone and Librium taper coming off phenibut too I feel like absolute trash.

I need to focus on me. Just me. Not rub and tugs and strip clubs and casinos and random hoes. I just need to focus on me and only me. And God. And change the fuck who I am.

Because the truth is I can play a damn good facade to a girl I can be mr. Perfect but my soul is not in line with any values I respect and the lying cheating hurting people. It’s gotta fucking stop man.

 

[thedawn]

man do I feel you. I'm older. 48. I met my gf in AA when I was 44 and she's loving, kind, great in bed.
After a year of being with her I cheated with drugs till I got found out. I got clean again briefly but for her and that shit doesn't work.

I also cheated on her w my ex-wife 3 times, where is my fucking soul?

Anyways, I haven't been able to put together much clean time in the last 2 years and yesterday she was done done done .
I have hurt her too much. And I fucking hate myself for putting the woman I love through trauma (she found me dead from Fent, 3 Narcan shots).

I feel it's never too late to change.
I'm obv old but if I can just stay clean today that's gotta be some kind of victory right?
And then tomorrow.

Just wanted to say that I feel you, know where you're coming from and you're not alone.
We are not bad people pr se.
We have a fucked up disease which is out to kill us w loneliness and despair.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I had the greatest girlfriend ever. From 21 until I was 28. We were supposed to be forever. She stuck with me through every rehab every arrest every jail trip every time I cheated. She was like the hero I never deserved. And this summer me and her broke up over a freaking Instagram follower. And at the time I didn’t care I thought we were too damaged I thought it was too late.

I was too late. I broke her heart too many times. I took her for granted. I was a great boyfriend at times, and a drug addict at others. Honest at times, but often lying, cheating, being a total piece of shit.

And she’s done. She’s gone. It’s over and it’s all hitting me and it’s not even like I can just move on. She pops into my head all the time. Randomly. I’ll be talking to another girl or dating another girl and just thinking of how much better she was in just about every single aspect of life.

And I traded girls drugs and gambling for the woman of my dreams. And I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.

For now I just got back out of detox .. again… this time a methadone and Librium taper coming off phenibut too I feel like absolute trash.

I need to focus on me. Just me. Not rub and tugs and strip clubs and casinos and random hoes. I just need to focus on me and only me. And God. And change the fuck who I am.

Because the truth is I can play a damn good facade to a girl I can be mr. Perfect but my soul is not in line with any values I respect and the lying cheating hurting people. It’s gotta fucking stop man.

This is where I am with my fiance right now.

MAN but I feel ya.