deltajessie
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2015
- Messages
- 64
I WROTE THIS (on meth) AND IT BECAME REALLY LONG, SO THERES NOW A "LONG INTRO" AND THEN AT THE BOTTOM THERE'S A "SHORT INTRO". UNDER BOTH OF THOSE THERES THE "CONCLUSION. THE CONCLUSION FITS SEAMLESSLY FOR BOTH INTROS SO LONG INTRO READERS CAN SKIP THE SHORT INTRO
I really pray you read the long intro, as it will give much better insight to the situation and spark better discussion.
Currently it is 5 am here on the West Coast, and I lay in shame. I am in my bed, in a room at my father's house, high on IV crystal methamphetamine, and I have just spend the last 90 or so minutes prior to this discovery picking my face. Small backstory: nobody knows about my current usage, nor have they really ever.. aside like 3 slip ups over 6 years.
My dad seems to be catching on, for lately I have genuinely been breaking out due to the stress of turning 21 (9/5 was my birthday).
I've been high on crystal meth every day since. 8/30. If at home, I use 'just enough'. But if I'm out trying to earn money without doing dirt bag shit like I used to then you could guarantee I'd taken my usual .13-.17 'cent' shot, whatever happens to fall on the scale first. :/ Since I've also been sleeping til 2pm, I'm also outside til at least midnight, so the effects of the shot tend to linger long after I get home.
This leads to me being the only one awake til about 10am, and, like every human, at some point i must pee....
Mix this with the stress acne, and a mirror...
You have one hell of a pimple popping obsession.
Well one of those had a weird reaction of thin, clear fluid vs white pus... BUT IT HAD A BUNCH. So I squeezed and squeezed, but every 20 mins it'd have more coming to the surface. I later found out this was a staph pimple and you're supposed to press on those not pop them because apparently it swells up a bunch.
The fluid also spreads the infection to open wounds. Aka popped pimples.
Next morning I looked pretty bad and i reaaally tried to be lowkey about it but my dad (and literally everyone) brough up the facial hematoma(s). I let them heal for a few days...
(Bare with me guys)
It's now the 9th, obviously, I popped the stress pimples like any normal high person would ... and of course all the smaller 'almost ready' pimples located anywhere and absolutely EVERYWHERE on my face.
Every single night I've been 'Shot Out on clear and heroin',(slang 4 way too high on IV drugs) ((forgot to mention I've been opiate dependent entire 6 years of drug use. 100 oxys /mo stolen from dad+ 120 vic 10s/mo from doctor because car crash and the chronic knee issues I now have. Now I do iv herron and am not proud as I recently took a 45 day break then thought I could 'chip'))
Well now since I popped all the pimples the nights before, there was 3x as many. I have sorta oily skin but if im high its on a whole different level... PLUS since I was quickly able to pop the ones that were there since they were bigger and red, I kept looking closer and closer at my face to find new ones. What was 'too small to pop' no longer existed. If the pore had any sort of elevasion above my forehead whatsoever... I squeezed it! (I always did get something on those tint ass ones btw they're prime, which is why I kept going)
I then put neosporin on the old red ones, and this black cream called ichthammol ointment on the new ones to draw out any remaining pus.
But the obsession continued.
Apparently you can't pop pimples with slippery oily hands, because your fingers just slide together and your naIl rubs into your skin. (Found out the hard way) so I wiped the stuff off, popped the pimples, and exfoliated my poor, lumpy, red face with a hot wash cloth.
NOW I HAVE NEVER BEEN A PICKER.
I DON'T HAVE SCABS EVER.
ONE OR TWO PIMPLES AT A TIME ARE ALLOWED TO BE ON MY FACE THATS IT.
I was devastated once I finally walked away. It's now 5:55am... How did I let myself do this. My dad will know exactly what's up. Hes been yelling "QUIT PICKING" at me since day 1 and i havent. They finally healed to a barely noticable size and bruise. How did I not break out by 1am, when HE went to bed.. but then somehow I wake up with a face full of new popped pimples flaming red all over, when all I did was 'go to sleep'? (He thinks lol ugh)
This got me curious about why meth heads always 'pick'. They are known for their abundance of gleaming scabs on their face which I always thought came from lots of picking sessions. Inform me if I'm wrong.
I threw it in a Google search but I couldn't find anything relevant because the pimple scars are used in all the anti drug propaganda.
The only things I could find on your usual go to drug forum sites were just people saying "don't pick". They all had regular pimples though so it seemed like weird advice to me. Apparently it's common knowledge that picking is Uber bad for you.... Anyways my searches led me to an article:
SHORT INTRO:
Nobody really knows but I've been using iv meth for the last 10 days sleeping 1/3 days (I also have been opiate dependent for 6 years and I use iv heroin)
My dad knows signs of drug users and likes to always assume I been on drugs for days even when I haven't.
On 9/5 I broke out really bad (on my 21st birthday) and I popped all the stress pimples that appeared like god was watching.... but there was one I couldn't get for some reason no matter how much it swelled or how red my face got.
Next day I found out it was a staph pimple cause it swelled up to the size of my nose and oozed clear fluid not white pus.
I treated it accordingly for 4 days.
It's now 9/9, the staph pimple healed and gone.. I did about .40 of iv meth throughout the day, causing me to sweat and making my face extremely oily.
Sweat can't come out of a pore covered by a pimple...
So I popped all the old pimples again and since I was high by myself at 4am I popped every poor I could see.
Embarrassed and ashamed knowing my dad will inevitably notice and put 2+2 together.
Google searches asking for an explanation led me to the discovery of this article:
CONCLUSION:
This article is called "When you can't stop pick, pick, picking at your skin", which tells a story much much similar to the symptoms of mine. It adds a scientific explanation about WHY it's so obsessive, but there's a shocking fact you'll uncover!!! (READ THE ARTICLE PLZ)
From time to time, everyone picks their skin, whether it's squeezing a pimple or removing peeling skin. But for people with compulsive skin picking, "We just take it to a whole new level," says Dana Marie Flores, who has struggled with this disorder for 30 years.
Flores started by picking at pimples on her face when she was 12 or 13. She'd spend hours with her face an inch away from the bathroom mirror picking at any acne bumps she saw and using her pinky fingernails to squeeze out the pus.
To her, picking served a useful purpose. "When I first started to pick, it was self-soothing," admits Flores. "If something came out [like pus], it's affirmation that something was in my skin." There was a feeling of satisfaction and relief.
Flores said picking at her face then evolved to picking at any bump she'd find on her arms or legs. "I'd think of it as fixing a problem, removing an ingrown hair, evening things out on my skin," she recalls.
When doing it, Flores says her mind enters a trance-like state. "It's really an escape, like a drug. It's so self-soothing you lose track of time," she explains.
Although the urge to pick is incredibly strong and it can seem hard to fight, the 42-year-old mother of two from Phoenix eventually recognized her behavior was "a grooming habit gone terribly wrong."
Compulsive or pathological skin picking, which is also known as dermatillomania, falls under the umbrella of a "body-focused repetitive behavior," says Dr. Ted Grosbart, PhD, a Boston-based clinical psychologist who specializes in dermatology.
People with this impulse-control disorder have a strong urge to pick at their skin over and over again to a significant enough degree that it does noticeable tissue damage and they experience it as a problem, Grosbart explains.
He says the condition, which is more common in women, has a genetic basis. And there's often an emotional stressor or hormonal trigger (like puberty), which touches it off.
"Skin picking is not a character flaw, and it's not a bad habit," Grosbart points out. "It's a real medical condition with a biochemical underpinning." Researchers are also noticing slight variations in brain structure and function in people with the condition.
According to Grosbart, skin picking is a "hidden epidemic." "We used to think it affects 3 to 4 percent of the population, but the latest studies suggest the lifetime incidence may be closer to 15 to 16 percent," he says.
Sufferers may at first rationalize the picking as a type of skin care but it then crosses the line into a form of skin abuse.
"The shame is huge," says Flores. "You assume you're the only person doing this, and you feel like a freak.
"The shame felt is often more damaging than the physical damage done to the skin," she adds.
Many skin pickers feel so ashamed they hide the behavior from their family members, spouses and friends. They conceal any scabs under clothing, or by wearing Band-Aids, or with makeup.
They might pick skin in less noticeable places, like the scalp or chewing the insides of their mouths. Or they make up excuses: A bad reaction to a new medication or an attack by mosquitoes.
If they finally open up and confide in someone, that person may have difficulty understanding why pickers just can't stop.
As Flores put it, "The 'just-stop theory' sounds great." But your skin is always available and you can't exactly get away from it, she says.
Flores makes the analogy that the strong temptation to pick her skin is like being a recovering alcoholic with hundreds of bottles of beer and booze tied to your body. With 24/7 access to her skin, picking is an easy behavior to fall into when she feels angry or stressed.
Flores' path toward healing began seven years ago when she saw a TV news story about people who compulsively pull out their hair, or trichotillomania. The story referred her to a website for the Trichotillomania Learning Center, a nonprofit educational organization, where she finally discovered information about skin picking.
"After 23 years of doing this, I could not believe there were other people out there like me," admits Flores. She joined a local support group, attends their annual retreats, and serves on their Board to help get the word out.
She's learned new tools for keeping her hands busy -- playing with bubble wrap to give her the same tactile sensation of popping pimples -- to help curb the behavior. Still, it remains an ongoing struggle to battle the impulse.
"I don't base my recovery on how my skin looks, but on how I feel inside," Flores says. "And that has changed 1,000 percent."
END ARTICLE!!!!!
SO. The data showed that the people who obsessively picked, and felt shame because of it, we're lacking in certain brain chemicals.
It also states in theory that the reason we do this is because it creates a satisfactory sense of accompliment. Success. Small victory.
We use crystal meth because it makes us happy.
We feel we need drugs to be happy because the world is mean to us about ourselves.
This insinuates it's safe to say us meth users are ASHAMED of ourselves..
As a drug addict were used to losing our battle with addiction multiple times daily.
Something as small as getting the pus put of even the smallest pimple is considered a win big enough to constitute a rare natural dopamine release. Mixed with meth it's intensified. Popping more releases more dopamine.
This leads to a worse self image and in turn creates a more shameful individual when they finally step back and look in the mirror later.
THE CYCLE REPEATS.
I feel THIS VERY REASON is why the majority of people with scabs are also the ones that have been doing meth a long time.
I just theorized as well, that you could probably study this further.
Do the ones with scabs on their face have homes? Or are they popping pimples because the dopamine release masks the fact they allowed meth to ravage their life?
Is there a correlation to how into a drug some one would likely get, if they already compulsively pop pimples when sober??
THOUGHTS!!???
P.S 6:42 AM NOW I spent almost 2 full hours putting this together. Good morning BLers
I really pray you read the long intro, as it will give much better insight to the situation and spark better discussion.
Currently it is 5 am here on the West Coast, and I lay in shame. I am in my bed, in a room at my father's house, high on IV crystal methamphetamine, and I have just spend the last 90 or so minutes prior to this discovery picking my face. Small backstory: nobody knows about my current usage, nor have they really ever.. aside like 3 slip ups over 6 years.
My dad seems to be catching on, for lately I have genuinely been breaking out due to the stress of turning 21 (9/5 was my birthday).
I've been high on crystal meth every day since. 8/30. If at home, I use 'just enough'. But if I'm out trying to earn money without doing dirt bag shit like I used to then you could guarantee I'd taken my usual .13-.17 'cent' shot, whatever happens to fall on the scale first. :/ Since I've also been sleeping til 2pm, I'm also outside til at least midnight, so the effects of the shot tend to linger long after I get home.
This leads to me being the only one awake til about 10am, and, like every human, at some point i must pee....
Mix this with the stress acne, and a mirror...
You have one hell of a pimple popping obsession.
Well one of those had a weird reaction of thin, clear fluid vs white pus... BUT IT HAD A BUNCH. So I squeezed and squeezed, but every 20 mins it'd have more coming to the surface. I later found out this was a staph pimple and you're supposed to press on those not pop them because apparently it swells up a bunch.
The fluid also spreads the infection to open wounds. Aka popped pimples.
Next morning I looked pretty bad and i reaaally tried to be lowkey about it but my dad (and literally everyone) brough up the facial hematoma(s). I let them heal for a few days...
(Bare with me guys)
It's now the 9th, obviously, I popped the stress pimples like any normal high person would ... and of course all the smaller 'almost ready' pimples located anywhere and absolutely EVERYWHERE on my face.
Every single night I've been 'Shot Out on clear and heroin',(slang 4 way too high on IV drugs) ((forgot to mention I've been opiate dependent entire 6 years of drug use. 100 oxys /mo stolen from dad+ 120 vic 10s/mo from doctor because car crash and the chronic knee issues I now have. Now I do iv herron and am not proud as I recently took a 45 day break then thought I could 'chip'))
Well now since I popped all the pimples the nights before, there was 3x as many. I have sorta oily skin but if im high its on a whole different level... PLUS since I was quickly able to pop the ones that were there since they were bigger and red, I kept looking closer and closer at my face to find new ones. What was 'too small to pop' no longer existed. If the pore had any sort of elevasion above my forehead whatsoever... I squeezed it! (I always did get something on those tint ass ones btw they're prime, which is why I kept going)
I then put neosporin on the old red ones, and this black cream called ichthammol ointment on the new ones to draw out any remaining pus.
But the obsession continued.
Apparently you can't pop pimples with slippery oily hands, because your fingers just slide together and your naIl rubs into your skin. (Found out the hard way) so I wiped the stuff off, popped the pimples, and exfoliated my poor, lumpy, red face with a hot wash cloth.
NOW I HAVE NEVER BEEN A PICKER.
I DON'T HAVE SCABS EVER.
ONE OR TWO PIMPLES AT A TIME ARE ALLOWED TO BE ON MY FACE THATS IT.
I was devastated once I finally walked away. It's now 5:55am... How did I let myself do this. My dad will know exactly what's up. Hes been yelling "QUIT PICKING" at me since day 1 and i havent. They finally healed to a barely noticable size and bruise. How did I not break out by 1am, when HE went to bed.. but then somehow I wake up with a face full of new popped pimples flaming red all over, when all I did was 'go to sleep'? (He thinks lol ugh)
This got me curious about why meth heads always 'pick'. They are known for their abundance of gleaming scabs on their face which I always thought came from lots of picking sessions. Inform me if I'm wrong.
I threw it in a Google search but I couldn't find anything relevant because the pimple scars are used in all the anti drug propaganda.
The only things I could find on your usual go to drug forum sites were just people saying "don't pick". They all had regular pimples though so it seemed like weird advice to me. Apparently it's common knowledge that picking is Uber bad for you.... Anyways my searches led me to an article:
SHORT INTRO:
Nobody really knows but I've been using iv meth for the last 10 days sleeping 1/3 days (I also have been opiate dependent for 6 years and I use iv heroin)
My dad knows signs of drug users and likes to always assume I been on drugs for days even when I haven't.
On 9/5 I broke out really bad (on my 21st birthday) and I popped all the stress pimples that appeared like god was watching.... but there was one I couldn't get for some reason no matter how much it swelled or how red my face got.
Next day I found out it was a staph pimple cause it swelled up to the size of my nose and oozed clear fluid not white pus.
I treated it accordingly for 4 days.
It's now 9/9, the staph pimple healed and gone.. I did about .40 of iv meth throughout the day, causing me to sweat and making my face extremely oily.
Sweat can't come out of a pore covered by a pimple...
So I popped all the old pimples again and since I was high by myself at 4am I popped every poor I could see.
Embarrassed and ashamed knowing my dad will inevitably notice and put 2+2 together.
Google searches asking for an explanation led me to the discovery of this article:
CONCLUSION:
This article is called "When you can't stop pick, pick, picking at your skin", which tells a story much much similar to the symptoms of mine. It adds a scientific explanation about WHY it's so obsessive, but there's a shocking fact you'll uncover!!! (READ THE ARTICLE PLZ)
From time to time, everyone picks their skin, whether it's squeezing a pimple or removing peeling skin. But for people with compulsive skin picking, "We just take it to a whole new level," says Dana Marie Flores, who has struggled with this disorder for 30 years.
Flores started by picking at pimples on her face when she was 12 or 13. She'd spend hours with her face an inch away from the bathroom mirror picking at any acne bumps she saw and using her pinky fingernails to squeeze out the pus.
To her, picking served a useful purpose. "When I first started to pick, it was self-soothing," admits Flores. "If something came out [like pus], it's affirmation that something was in my skin." There was a feeling of satisfaction and relief.
Flores said picking at her face then evolved to picking at any bump she'd find on her arms or legs. "I'd think of it as fixing a problem, removing an ingrown hair, evening things out on my skin," she recalls.
When doing it, Flores says her mind enters a trance-like state. "It's really an escape, like a drug. It's so self-soothing you lose track of time," she explains.
Although the urge to pick is incredibly strong and it can seem hard to fight, the 42-year-old mother of two from Phoenix eventually recognized her behavior was "a grooming habit gone terribly wrong."
Compulsive or pathological skin picking, which is also known as dermatillomania, falls under the umbrella of a "body-focused repetitive behavior," says Dr. Ted Grosbart, PhD, a Boston-based clinical psychologist who specializes in dermatology.
People with this impulse-control disorder have a strong urge to pick at their skin over and over again to a significant enough degree that it does noticeable tissue damage and they experience it as a problem, Grosbart explains.
He says the condition, which is more common in women, has a genetic basis. And there's often an emotional stressor or hormonal trigger (like puberty), which touches it off.
"Skin picking is not a character flaw, and it's not a bad habit," Grosbart points out. "It's a real medical condition with a biochemical underpinning." Researchers are also noticing slight variations in brain structure and function in people with the condition.
According to Grosbart, skin picking is a "hidden epidemic." "We used to think it affects 3 to 4 percent of the population, but the latest studies suggest the lifetime incidence may be closer to 15 to 16 percent," he says.
Sufferers may at first rationalize the picking as a type of skin care but it then crosses the line into a form of skin abuse.
"The shame is huge," says Flores. "You assume you're the only person doing this, and you feel like a freak.
"The shame felt is often more damaging than the physical damage done to the skin," she adds.
Many skin pickers feel so ashamed they hide the behavior from their family members, spouses and friends. They conceal any scabs under clothing, or by wearing Band-Aids, or with makeup.
They might pick skin in less noticeable places, like the scalp or chewing the insides of their mouths. Or they make up excuses: A bad reaction to a new medication or an attack by mosquitoes.
If they finally open up and confide in someone, that person may have difficulty understanding why pickers just can't stop.
As Flores put it, "The 'just-stop theory' sounds great." But your skin is always available and you can't exactly get away from it, she says.
Flores makes the analogy that the strong temptation to pick her skin is like being a recovering alcoholic with hundreds of bottles of beer and booze tied to your body. With 24/7 access to her skin, picking is an easy behavior to fall into when she feels angry or stressed.
Flores' path toward healing began seven years ago when she saw a TV news story about people who compulsively pull out their hair, or trichotillomania. The story referred her to a website for the Trichotillomania Learning Center, a nonprofit educational organization, where she finally discovered information about skin picking.
"After 23 years of doing this, I could not believe there were other people out there like me," admits Flores. She joined a local support group, attends their annual retreats, and serves on their Board to help get the word out.
She's learned new tools for keeping her hands busy -- playing with bubble wrap to give her the same tactile sensation of popping pimples -- to help curb the behavior. Still, it remains an ongoing struggle to battle the impulse.
"I don't base my recovery on how my skin looks, but on how I feel inside," Flores says. "And that has changed 1,000 percent."
END ARTICLE!!!!!
SO. The data showed that the people who obsessively picked, and felt shame because of it, we're lacking in certain brain chemicals.
It also states in theory that the reason we do this is because it creates a satisfactory sense of accompliment. Success. Small victory.
We use crystal meth because it makes us happy.
We feel we need drugs to be happy because the world is mean to us about ourselves.
This insinuates it's safe to say us meth users are ASHAMED of ourselves..
As a drug addict were used to losing our battle with addiction multiple times daily.
Something as small as getting the pus put of even the smallest pimple is considered a win big enough to constitute a rare natural dopamine release. Mixed with meth it's intensified. Popping more releases more dopamine.
This leads to a worse self image and in turn creates a more shameful individual when they finally step back and look in the mirror later.
THE CYCLE REPEATS.
I feel THIS VERY REASON is why the majority of people with scabs are also the ones that have been doing meth a long time.
I just theorized as well, that you could probably study this further.
Do the ones with scabs on their face have homes? Or are they popping pimples because the dopamine release masks the fact they allowed meth to ravage their life?
Is there a correlation to how into a drug some one would likely get, if they already compulsively pop pimples when sober??
THOUGHTS!!???
P.S 6:42 AM NOW I spent almost 2 full hours putting this together. Good morning BLers
