TDS I fucking hate myself and i wanna die.

[endlessnameless]

you sound like everyone of my friends, although a lot of them are in prison/jail now, so you got that goin for ya. but its hard to change your life and get clean. I've talked a big gamd of getting clean for 3 months now, used everydayfor 3 yrs and I have subs but everyday I get $ its off to the races. but the point is your not a loser, its a hard spot to be in. no one wants to be an addict it sucks, so cut yourself some slack. if you hate your predicament enough change it, I am tryin anyway. 2 days clean, worried for tomorrow when me n my bf get paid

2nd day too, though my binge was only for about a week, before which I was sober for almost two and felt over the moon. I feel you on the fear of caving on payday - mines in two days also on this Monday due.

What I usually do is rush into town and spend whatever I have left after rent (and sleeping aids) on new outfits/shoes etc. Then at least I look sharp and feel better about myself.

Alprazolam is really helping to take the edge off the insomnia, depression and anxiety (i dont take it enough to get addicted, usually only for the first 7-10 days) as those three are my main triggers.

Going to stick to the sleeping/anxiety meds this week and purchase some nice tailored clothes.

Next week, a second hand laptop -- by which point ill be back to full form and off the alprazolam too.

SO fucking blessed my benzo connect knows I *always* pay my debts and lays/subs me as many as I want until payday. Theyre not a cure all and i still get the hot/cold chills but showers curtail that aspect greatly and sudofed comepletely rids the runny nose/sneezing (and to an extent the watery eyes).

Feeling positive for now. Hope you're doung good. Fucking keep at it - anywhere between the 10th and 14th day os always when the nagic moment occurs for me.

How are you today?