Dear Bluelight,
I'm 21 years old, male
I'm here to share my experience with you guys and hope I can get some answers or other peeps experiences.
First of all I want to say that i've been extremely addicted to gaming and screens in general for the past 10 years wich probably causes extreme lack of sleep without me even noticing. Im really scared this is not recoverable and this probably had negative impact on drug abuse as well.
Im now 5 months clean of everything.
It all started about 3.5 years ago.
I just dropped out of college, and was left with a guy who became my best friend from my class.
We did alot of stuff together.
I quitted smoking weed for school but since I dropped out i started smoking weed once in a while again.
This continued on for like half a year until i started smoking more.
I also became really interested in psychedelic drugs like mushrooms and someone talked me into doing it.
This friend wasnt into drugs at all but as I started doing more and more drugs he saw me going into a downwards spiral.
I started experimenting with MDMA too and got myself some new friends who also experimented with drugs.
What we mainly did was smoking weed and drop some X occasionally.
My mom couldnt have me @ home anymore so I went to this home for people who got kicked out.
And guess what, almost everybody there smoked weed or did something.
The experimenting went on for like 1 year.
In this time I already had really bad drug experiences and bad trips but I continued using.
Until I was told to go to a rehab center.
After 4 weeks I was kicked out for some small things.
The 2nd day I was out I started using again with some guy I met in rehab , but not marijuana but other things since I thought it's not my main drug so I can just use other drugs.
His parents went away for 2 months so I stayed at his house for 2 months and it was using/drinking like almost every day.
I didn't know at the time but my mental state was getting worse and worse.
Eventually I started smoking weed too again and went to rehab for a second time.
Longest I quitted was like 6 months but this doesn't really count since I used occasionally in these 6 months. I was one big mess and I saw like no improvement to my mental symptoms wich caused me to start using again.
This went on for a couple of months and about 5 months ago I was so extremely miserable and anxious, socially anxious and just mentally confused that I couldn't continue anymore.
Btw, I forgot to say that i've also been gaming addicted since i was like 11.
So.. 5 months ago i made the choice to quit all drugs, but i couldn't quit gaming/mobile phone addiction by myself, so i made the choice to go to a rehab center again, where iam right now.
Symptoms I have :
Dizziness
Extreme social anxiety
General anxiety
Negative thoughts
Mentally confused (Sometimes i can barely speak)
Disrupted sleep pattern and really weird dreams.
I have like no energy at all
Guys, my life right now is living hell.
At this rehab center i'm at right now I feel like i'm the only person who has these kind of symptoms so I feel like I have no recognition with anyone.
Im really scared I triggered something by using drugs and I wont get better anymore.
I also talk to a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
My psychiatrist says I need to recover and it can take a long time. But Im really starting to give my hopes up because im already clean for 5 months and I see little to no difference.
Im also on antipsychotics to reduce the anxiety a bit, but I barely see a difference.
I'm having alot of suicidal thoughts and I have my doubts if my life will ever be normal again.
As of right now I have like no friends/contacts since i'm too messed to have any right now
I should say that like 2 weeks ago I had a really good week where I thought it was finally gonna be over but nope, it came back hard.
I just want to live my life again, drugs free.
I'm 21 years old, male
I'm here to share my experience with you guys and hope I can get some answers or other peeps experiences.
First of all I want to say that i've been extremely addicted to gaming and screens in general for the past 10 years wich probably causes extreme lack of sleep without me even noticing. Im really scared this is not recoverable and this probably had negative impact on drug abuse as well.
Im now 5 months clean of everything.
It all started about 3.5 years ago.
I just dropped out of college, and was left with a guy who became my best friend from my class.
We did alot of stuff together.
I quitted smoking weed for school but since I dropped out i started smoking weed once in a while again.
This continued on for like half a year until i started smoking more.
I also became really interested in psychedelic drugs like mushrooms and someone talked me into doing it.
This friend wasnt into drugs at all but as I started doing more and more drugs he saw me going into a downwards spiral.
I started experimenting with MDMA too and got myself some new friends who also experimented with drugs.
What we mainly did was smoking weed and drop some X occasionally.
My mom couldnt have me @ home anymore so I went to this home for people who got kicked out.
And guess what, almost everybody there smoked weed or did something.
The experimenting went on for like 1 year.
In this time I already had really bad drug experiences and bad trips but I continued using.
Until I was told to go to a rehab center.
After 4 weeks I was kicked out for some small things.
The 2nd day I was out I started using again with some guy I met in rehab , but not marijuana but other things since I thought it's not my main drug so I can just use other drugs.
His parents went away for 2 months so I stayed at his house for 2 months and it was using/drinking like almost every day.
I didn't know at the time but my mental state was getting worse and worse.
Eventually I started smoking weed too again and went to rehab for a second time.
Longest I quitted was like 6 months but this doesn't really count since I used occasionally in these 6 months. I was one big mess and I saw like no improvement to my mental symptoms wich caused me to start using again.
This went on for a couple of months and about 5 months ago I was so extremely miserable and anxious, socially anxious and just mentally confused that I couldn't continue anymore.
Btw, I forgot to say that i've also been gaming addicted since i was like 11.
So.. 5 months ago i made the choice to quit all drugs, but i couldn't quit gaming/mobile phone addiction by myself, so i made the choice to go to a rehab center again, where iam right now.
Symptoms I have :
Dizziness
Extreme social anxiety
General anxiety
Negative thoughts
Mentally confused (Sometimes i can barely speak)
Disrupted sleep pattern and really weird dreams.
I have like no energy at all
Guys, my life right now is living hell.
At this rehab center i'm at right now I feel like i'm the only person who has these kind of symptoms so I feel like I have no recognition with anyone.
Im really scared I triggered something by using drugs and I wont get better anymore.
I also talk to a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
My psychiatrist says I need to recover and it can take a long time. But Im really starting to give my hopes up because im already clean for 5 months and I see little to no difference.
Im also on antipsychotics to reduce the anxiety a bit, but I barely see a difference.
I'm having alot of suicidal thoughts and I have my doubts if my life will ever be normal again.
As of right now I have like no friends/contacts since i'm too messed to have any right now
I should say that like 2 weeks ago I had a really good week where I thought it was finally gonna be over but nope, it came back hard.
I just want to live my life again, drugs free.
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