kushblowin
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2021
- Messages
- 110
i never had a benzo problem i just used them casually but honestly i think benzos are the only thing that would make me happy (besides relationships and friends which i dont have and cant find without benzos). every time i take benzos i feel fucking amazing and im nicer to people, i go outside more and do stuff, i clean more, i take better care of myself, i just genuinely enjoy myself while time skips, i feel genuinely happy for the first time. but i dont know if living life on a man made potent substance that makes me do stupid shit is a smart idea either.
i was using alcohol to self medicate my anxiety and it was fucking HORRIBLE. i was happy when i was drunk only and the relief was too great i couldnt stop drinking, looked like an idiot, drank away years, woke up every day sick and vomiting, no sleep, i just chugged alcohol until i passed out, almost messed up my teeth before i quit. with benzos i have no problem. i truly respect benzos and even in my most depressed state i use them responsibly, i take the smallest doses possible and wait an entire 2 hours before i think about redosing, and if i ever say "im sober its not working" i make myself quit taking them right there and i stand up and just get a feel for my feet and see how im feeling and wait until the next day to evaluate whether i was sober or high and delusional. i am very experienced with benzos but never had a full on addiction.
the only time i ever misused benzos was when i was suicidal and mixing it with alcohol and having dumb asses around me telling me to get fucked up. i respect benzos and i think they should only used be for their medical value (for myself) and i dont ever test the limits. should i really just be on benzos forever? the idea of being a blank slate on auto pilot scares the fuck out of me and so does addiction but this anxiety is so out of control i dont even know if its worth living as myself. ive tried meditation, breathing, non benzo, just sipping a beer, exercise, sun. the fact is i just im just so anxious i cant function.
i talked to my doctor about my anxiety back when they were prescribing benzos but i just got the non benzo trash that didnt work and gave up. i feel like i havent even truly experienced benzos and i want to test it at least 30 more times with low doses before i even think about anything with daily or stronger benzo usage. also i have extreme chronic fatigue and benzos are the only thing that make me feel genuinely not tired.
i was using alcohol to self medicate my anxiety and it was fucking HORRIBLE. i was happy when i was drunk only and the relief was too great i couldnt stop drinking, looked like an idiot, drank away years, woke up every day sick and vomiting, no sleep, i just chugged alcohol until i passed out, almost messed up my teeth before i quit. with benzos i have no problem. i truly respect benzos and even in my most depressed state i use them responsibly, i take the smallest doses possible and wait an entire 2 hours before i think about redosing, and if i ever say "im sober its not working" i make myself quit taking them right there and i stand up and just get a feel for my feet and see how im feeling and wait until the next day to evaluate whether i was sober or high and delusional. i am very experienced with benzos but never had a full on addiction.
the only time i ever misused benzos was when i was suicidal and mixing it with alcohol and having dumb asses around me telling me to get fucked up. i respect benzos and i think they should only used be for their medical value (for myself) and i dont ever test the limits. should i really just be on benzos forever? the idea of being a blank slate on auto pilot scares the fuck out of me and so does addiction but this anxiety is so out of control i dont even know if its worth living as myself. ive tried meditation, breathing, non benzo, just sipping a beer, exercise, sun. the fact is i just im just so anxious i cant function.
i talked to my doctor about my anxiety back when they were prescribing benzos but i just got the non benzo trash that didnt work and gave up. i feel like i havent even truly experienced benzos and i want to test it at least 30 more times with low doses before i even think about anything with daily or stronger benzo usage. also i have extreme chronic fatigue and benzos are the only thing that make me feel genuinely not tired.