Roachmon95
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2012
- Messages
- 79
Im writing this thread in hopes that someone will read my story and anylze their own struggles. I need help. I cannot quite the drugs, or anything with addictive potential for that matter.
I smoked for the first time at age 16. thought it was great, and got hooked immediately got hooked. that was the first time ever got high, and after that experience I wanted to try other trippy drugs. I always said to myself "I,ll never do anything hard." I pretty much smoked from then on until I was 18. I had a couple psychedelic trips during those times as well. By the time I was a senior in high school I quit everything and only occasionally drank alcohol. this time period was probably one of the happiest times in my life. I guess it felt so great considering I had control over my life back then.
fast forward a year, I had a couple back injuries. I was given bottles of tramadol by my father. I never taken any kind of opiate in my life, so the first pill i took provided an extreme sense of calm and euphoria. To this day, I haven't been able to relive those first few times. In short, I started stealing pills from my dad quite often. I also had developed a friendship with kratom around this time. I knew this all was wrong but I kept telling myself " i'll be responsible, im not gonna get addicted this." within a year and a half i was forcibly thrown into rehab.
during this time, my opiate habit still wasnt huge. I still mostly took kratom and tramadol, however in much higher doses. While I was in rehab one of the docs put me on suboxone 16mgs a day, which is insane for the small habit I had back then. after I got out i went to outpatient appointments and was put on a ton of different psych meds, most of which I tried to abuse. I eventually got of the suboxone and drugs in general for the most part. I was taking a few medications daily and staying clean.
this lasted 9 months and I foolishly relapsed. However this time, I was taking oxy and alot of it. my tolerance went from like 15mg to get high to 60-80mg within a few weeks. so i did what every other addict would have done. I found something stronger, which happened to be the big H. I took herion intranassaly for a week straight, literally blowing line after line. Im almost positive I O'D a few times. So after this little binge, I knew I had to quit again.
I went back on suboxone, as well as a whole the regimen of meds. I guess that brings me to today, I started suboxone for the second time in april. I was also put on buproprion, vybrid, vyvanse, and Klonopin. I have not been sober since then. I began abusing my vyvanse and klonopin more and more. I started snorting my subs as well, along with taking phenibut quite often.
this behavior is still going on to this day, except I found Propylhexedrine not too long ago. I've been binging on that quite alot lately. I too 6 inhalers spread throughout the day today. Just took my last dose, which put me at 1500mg of propylhexedrine today.
I can't stop this madness, I feel worse off doing all this shit, than taking opiates constantly. At least I was only addicted to one thing. So know im dependent on subs, amphetamines, and benzos. Not to mention the phenibut and the antidepressants.
I could really use some guidance. I don't even know where to start in cleaning up this mess of my life. I have a beautiful girlfriend, that I want to marry someday. I have a promising career in front of me as a healthcare professional. Yet I still feel the need to do drugs. Im so apathetic about losing everything in my life. I've had every piece of emotion sucked out of me. All im left with now-a-days is depression, anxiety, insomnia, and extreme self hatred.
thanks for listening I just needed to get all this off my chest. Hopefully I'll figure it out, but I feel like im in way to deep. if anyone has pulled themselves out of a similar situation, input would be appreciated. Thanks again.
I smoked for the first time at age 16. thought it was great, and got hooked immediately got hooked. that was the first time ever got high, and after that experience I wanted to try other trippy drugs. I always said to myself "I,ll never do anything hard." I pretty much smoked from then on until I was 18. I had a couple psychedelic trips during those times as well. By the time I was a senior in high school I quit everything and only occasionally drank alcohol. this time period was probably one of the happiest times in my life. I guess it felt so great considering I had control over my life back then.
fast forward a year, I had a couple back injuries. I was given bottles of tramadol by my father. I never taken any kind of opiate in my life, so the first pill i took provided an extreme sense of calm and euphoria. To this day, I haven't been able to relive those first few times. In short, I started stealing pills from my dad quite often. I also had developed a friendship with kratom around this time. I knew this all was wrong but I kept telling myself " i'll be responsible, im not gonna get addicted this." within a year and a half i was forcibly thrown into rehab.
during this time, my opiate habit still wasnt huge. I still mostly took kratom and tramadol, however in much higher doses. While I was in rehab one of the docs put me on suboxone 16mgs a day, which is insane for the small habit I had back then. after I got out i went to outpatient appointments and was put on a ton of different psych meds, most of which I tried to abuse. I eventually got of the suboxone and drugs in general for the most part. I was taking a few medications daily and staying clean.
this lasted 9 months and I foolishly relapsed. However this time, I was taking oxy and alot of it. my tolerance went from like 15mg to get high to 60-80mg within a few weeks. so i did what every other addict would have done. I found something stronger, which happened to be the big H. I took herion intranassaly for a week straight, literally blowing line after line. Im almost positive I O'D a few times. So after this little binge, I knew I had to quit again.
I went back on suboxone, as well as a whole the regimen of meds. I guess that brings me to today, I started suboxone for the second time in april. I was also put on buproprion, vybrid, vyvanse, and Klonopin. I have not been sober since then. I began abusing my vyvanse and klonopin more and more. I started snorting my subs as well, along with taking phenibut quite often.
this behavior is still going on to this day, except I found Propylhexedrine not too long ago. I've been binging on that quite alot lately. I too 6 inhalers spread throughout the day today. Just took my last dose, which put me at 1500mg of propylhexedrine today.
I can't stop this madness, I feel worse off doing all this shit, than taking opiates constantly. At least I was only addicted to one thing. So know im dependent on subs, amphetamines, and benzos. Not to mention the phenibut and the antidepressants.
I could really use some guidance. I don't even know where to start in cleaning up this mess of my life. I have a beautiful girlfriend, that I want to marry someday. I have a promising career in front of me as a healthcare professional. Yet I still feel the need to do drugs. Im so apathetic about losing everything in my life. I've had every piece of emotion sucked out of me. All im left with now-a-days is depression, anxiety, insomnia, and extreme self hatred.
thanks for listening I just needed to get all this off my chest. Hopefully I'll figure it out, but I feel like im in way to deep. if anyone has pulled themselves out of a similar situation, input would be appreciated. Thanks again.
