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I am so fucking numb.....................:(

stellablue

stellablue

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Sep 23, 2005
Messages
5,211
My best friend died last night. He overdosed at 25 years old. I am still unclear as to what all he took, but he was with me most of the day yesterday and he took me and my daughters grocery shopping. I have no idea where he went after that, but he was fine. I have been here before with close friends and relatives overdosing, but it still hurts like a fucking knife in the heart. Please, any kind words would help.

I am so fucking numb.....................:(
 
Awwww. I am sorry stella. This happened to me too! My friend OD on alchol and E. She was only 16 years old.

About the numbness. I know that feeling all too well. I hope I can offer you solace in our similarities.

Love,

Draigan
 
Oh my goodness Stella, I am brought to tears :(
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how much you're hurting right now but if I was there, I would hug you SO tight.

He is in a better place now, with no pain and no heartache. You're lucky to have known such a wonderful person, and I'm sure he felt the same way about you.

I hope you're feeling better soon. I'm sure you and your girls will all look after each other.

<3 <3 <3
 
My oldest daughter isn't doing well at all. She is feeling like she did when her father overdosed in 1998. He and her were very close, he was like her father figure. I am at a loss at what to say to her because I don't understand. So where do you even begin......:(
 
*hugs*

I understand the numbness thing. It's natural. Give yourself time, feel whatever you feel, don't question it. You will go through the grief. I don't know what you should say or where to begin. Sometimes there aren't explanations, besides everything happening the way it happens for some greater reason. That's what I believe but I can't tell you what to believe. Just reach out for love all around you and grieve together.

I'm so sorry.

RIP. :(
 
my god, that is absolutely terrible.
such a sad thing to happen to somebody so young,which could have easily been prevented.
I too, have known a few people who have died from OD's. It is absolutely shattering and my heart goes out to you, especially as you were close.
Everything will be a blurr for the next few days/weeks, after that you can feel guilt (most people do when a loved one has OD'd thinking they could have "saved them"). But you couldn't have. And it is never your fault. You'll get through this, I won't lie it's not going to be easy darling..but you will eventually come to terms with it and move on in life, even though it is always in the back of your mind. Absolute best of luck, if you ever need someone to talk to about it who has been through a similar experience, I shall be here.
XXXXXX
 
It's gonna be okay. Joe was our best friend just know that he loves us and he didnt mean to leave. At least he was with friends and fam. the night before last. but remember if Joe was anything he was always happy. he wouldnt want you to be all torn up about this. Just like you told me dont let him be the one to break you. Just because it was his time. He couldn't have spent his last day with a better person.....;)
 
^ I know baby, mama just misses him. I am so glad you are taking this better. I was so worried about you. You are right though, at least he was with friends and family before he died. I am so glad I got to be with him his last day, I know that sounds selfish, but it is what I feel.
 
Stella, I am so sorry. I wish there were much more to say, but you know as I do that the words aren't there to change it.

I hate this happened, that this is yours and your girls to deal with. I am sure he loved you, and would want you to continue on remembering the things he loved.

Again, Much love.

DIND
 
Oh. That fucking sucks. :/ I am sorry to hear that.
However you shouldn't blame yourself for the actions of others. I don't think it was your fault.
 
Sorry to hear that, by the sounds of things he lead a decent life. We can't change what happened, just remember him for all the good he brought into your lives, pray to him (even if you aren't religious, this helps me immensely after a death, I'm very atheist, but 'talking' to that person helps so much), if he is looking down on you from somewhere I'm sure he feels more sorry for the pain he has brought more than for his own death, so chin up, be strong, the world is a cruel place but unfortunately we can't turn back the clock.
 
The world doesn't need to be a cruel place. People don't need to die so young.
Should someone who walks out of your field of vision suddenly disappear forever? No.

My condolences to both of you. It must be difficult when there's so much death in your life. Enough to consume you, so it seems, but you can't remain that way or your own life may as well be forfeit.

Good luck.
 
I'm REALLY sorry that had to happen...my friend died from ODing on o.c. and alcohol...

My heart goes out to you and your loved ones...just stay strong and TRY and be positive, i know it's hard...
 
Lil' Stella said:
It's gonna be okay. Joe was our best friend just know that he loves us and he didnt mean to leave. At least he was with friends and fam. the night before last. but remember if Joe was anything he was always happy. he wouldnt want you to be all torn up about this. Just like you told me dont let him be the one to break you. Just because it was his time. He couldn't have spent his last day with a better person.....;)
Click to expand...

Awww Lil' Stella <3
I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your mum look after each other k? *hugs*
 
/me hugs both stellas.

I wish that I had something helpful to say. Take care of yourselves, remember Joe, but keep busy.

Not too helpful, but it's the best that I can do. Much strength to you and your family stella.
 
Im so sorry stella :(. I don't know what to say really im at a loss for words. Hang in there and take care.

Hugs.
 
Stella,

I have followed your story. I guess in a way I feel close to people who have lost SO's to a drug OD. I am so sorry you are going through this.

25 is too fucking young. With each of these stories, I lose my faith even more. I am truly sorry for your pain...not because I'm trying to convey sympathy but because I've fucking been there and no one deserves it.

<3 and I wish you all the good vibes that I have.
 
lysis is right - 25 is too young and no one deserves to go thru the pain of losing a close friend
not that way
as u know i lost my bf and several friends the same way
my heart goes out to both of u, and the 2 younger girls - u will b in my prayers
we r all here for u and if ever u need to talk im always here on PM/MSN
look after urselves!!! <3
 
^ Thank you. *tucks herself into bed for the night*

I love you all here. TDS saves lives daily. More like that every hour most times. It is so amazing what is accomplished with just merely being close to one another. Standing as a group instead of as a single soldier. I am glad I am in this unit.
 
This was our song.

"Everything"

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here

(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...

This is us now. i miss you so badly.


"Broken"

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
 
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