In 20 minutes I can leave work. In roughly 1hr20min I can fall asleep for the final time. I’ve waited so long and I’m just. Finally ready.
I kept walking through life wondering why in the fuck I had to keep doing it all. Every single day. But I don’t have to. I never had to. And I won’t keep choosing to.
Thank you, bluelighters. For being around. If hell is real I’ll see you there.
You are right, my friend... life really sucks sometimes. For example, you wrote that a week ago and I just saw it. I don't know if you've gone to your next plane of existence, or if you're reading this here on Earth. I'll write about what has repeatedly happened to me hoping you had a similar experience that keeps you here.
My life was changed 50 years ago when I fell from the 2nd story and landed on a concrete slab. I injured my back. By age 35 the pain in my back was almost constant. Now, it's a 24/7 companion that, on the scale of 1 to 10, is usually 7 or above.
I'm telling you this to give an idea of my situation. Sometimes, I can't even walk, and I'm an avid hiker.
I've made plans of what I'm going to do when the pain goes beyond my tolerance. The doctors had me on fentanyl... for years. I got off of that (with doctors help) because it's nothing more than a slow death. My tolerance for pain has been breached several times in the 5 years since I quit opiates. Each time, something or someone has come into my life that convinced me that it was not time... not yet.
So I hope that the something or someone you needed has come to you this time. I hope you are reading this, and can respond to me. I would even welcome a negative response, because that would at least mean you are still here.
Peace, friend. We are all here for a reason.
You are here for a reason.
