How you feel about having kids if you might pass on disease

[Gormur]

I'm not planning to have kids and I'm not with anybody to create any, but I thought this could be interesting to hear from you guys. As bad as it sounds I don't like kids and based on that alone I don't think I'd ever have any. But more importantly having kids would be kind of bad in my opinion since I inherited dyslexia (not a life threatening disease, but a tough disorder to deal with) and knowing that a kid I made had to go through that would make me feel like shit. It was bad enough for me to deal with

What do you guys think? Am I an antinatalist? Hehe

 

[Jabberwocky]

It’s a good question. I think that medical technology is getting quite good at predicting the real risk of passing on certain diseases and it’s starting to get good at editing out certain diseases from embryos. It won’t be that long before there are no real inheritable diseases for people in rich countries with good medical systems.

It raises concerns though for people with different abilities - like say people with Aspergers. Should that condition reallly be edited out of existence or is it part of human neurodiversity?

 

[JessFR]

Way I see it, decide if you want kids, or don't. But dyslexia isn't like Huntingtons or something, to my knowledge it's only a propensity, your children might not get it, likewise you may have no dispositions and have a kid born with some genetic problem.

I can somewhat sympathize though, I mean I'm not dyslexic, and I don't think any diseases in my family are so bad as to warrant not having kids.... But, I'm an addict, if I have kids I can't be sure how good a mom I'd be and it's entirely plausible they may have an addiction problem one day too. Both nature and nurture would potentially be increasing those risks.

Ultimately, I think it just comes back to the original question, do you want them? Do you think you could give them a reasonably decent life? Those are the more important questions to me.

Some diseases like Huntingtons are ones where I do think you gotta stop and ask yourself if you really want kids, and how you might avoid passing it on, but dyslexia? As I said I don't know what it's like, but it doesn't seem like it in itself should prevent you having kids.

I love kids though, I dunno if I entirely "get" people who don't like kids. It's like not liking puppies or kittens. These are intrinsically likable things. :D

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

My father has Crohn's disease and stutters, all of his children stutter and 2 have Crohn's disease (not me). He was very anxious about this for a long time, but in the end we are all very glad to be alive. By having a disease yourself you can apply your own decades of experience with it to arm the kid with what he needs...

For very serious neurological and physical illnesses I'd think twice maybe, had no idea dyslexia is that bad though.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think some of the worst conditions kids end up with come from ‘nurture’ rather than ‘nature’. My mother is highly anxious and I think that is transmissible from parent to child. My father is very distant and quiet - almost aspie like - that also is very transmissible to kids. So don’t just worry about your genetics. Worry also about your behaviour.

 

[JessFR]

I voted to take the risk in the poll, but I wanna clarify, that I'm speaking only about dyslexia.

For very serious neurological and physical illnesses I'd think twice maybe, had no idea dyslexia is that bad though.

The worst disease for this kinda thing that I know of is Huntingtons.

It's not a disease that my family is genetically prone too, but it is something that has become a part of my family through one of my cousins.

One of my cousins married a man who didn't tell her he could (and it turned out did) have huntingtons. And she had a child with him.

If you know anything about Huntingtons you know that means that child now has 50% odds of having a much shortened life followed by a very unpleasant death.

It's a horrible disease. And I do think that morally speaking, you can't just act like you have some right to have children if you have that kind of a disease. Some diseases are so bad that I don't think you can rightly take having children as your right when it's very likely you will pass it on. There are options like IVF, and all of this is politically messy, with questions about how bad a disease has to be to where this becomes an issue, as well as all the controversies attached to IVF, but those are questions for another thread.

My point in bringing this up, is I don't think you have a right to have children just because you theoretically can. Not morally speaking.

But dyslexia isn't such a disease where I think this applies. I'm just saying I do think there are diseases where this is a valid concern and that your right to have kids doesn't begin and end at your capacity to have kids.

 

[Gormur]

Some diseases like Huntingtons are ones where I do think you gotta stop and ask yourself if you really want kids, and how you might avoid passing it on, but dyslexia? As I said I don't know what it's like, but it doesn't seem like it in itself should prevent you having kids.

Diseases are definitely a concern for people I guess. Luckily I don't have anything showing up for me except dyslexia which is a learning disability. My dad has it and I think his grandfather had it; not sure about his dad because of alcoholism and well they didn't really know what it was back then. My dad grew up in the 60s and nobody really knew what it was then either though

By the time I came around there were specialists in LDs, one of which I saw for a few years to help me out. I had to see him before I was allowed to start school because they thought I had a learning disability. Then I had to have a tutor in school but luckily I was homeschooled after 5th grade because well school was a nightmare for me. But you know, dyslexia isn't what people might think it is

It isn't just about reading unintelligible words or hearing/attention confusion but also dyspraxia for a lot of people which is like coordination/spatial memory. I walked into things and banged myself up before I started doing exercises. At the same time I developed early with walking and talking before I was a year old so I was smart in some ways but in others I wasn't ready. I also got good at spelling and reading but my ability to retain information I hear and relay it is still poor. It has to do with being a right-brained person, more or less

I love kids though, I dunno if I entirely "get" people who don't like kids. It's like not liking puppies or kittens. These are intrinsically likable things. :D

I don't like any of those things, hehe

 

[JessFR]

I think some of the worst conditions kids end up with come from ‘nurture’ rather than ‘nature’. My mother is highly anxious and I think that is transmissible from parent to child. My father is very distant and quiet - almost aspie like - that also is very transmissible to kids. So don’t just worry about your genetics. Worry also about your behaviour.

I think there's a lot of truth to this.

I had a lot of really horrible shit happen to me, and none of it had to do with any genetic shit passed on to me.

You can't know what your kids life will be like. People do the same thing about the state of the world. People not wanting to bring their kids into a world with world war 3 around the corner, only for the cold war to end. Or people having kids after that when everything seemed to be going well, only to have 9/11 and the 08 econommic crisis.

You can't know for sure. So, it's worth considering what genetic issues you might pass on, but for the most part I don't think they're deal breakers.
Even with something like huntingtons there can be other options, if my POS cousin in law had been honest, they could have used IVF to ensure their kid wasn't at risk.

So I think it comes down to how good an environment you can reasonably expect to give your kids. You can't give them perfection, sadly that's not on the table.

 

[Gormur]

At the same time, genetics or people might foster certain environments just like people might have trouble digesting certain nutrients. @JessFR The risk of offspring of affected parents inheriting dyslexia is between 40~60%

It affects everybody differently but like for me I can honestly say I've never passed a test in my life. I always cheated somehow and the only thing academics taught me was how to do it

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

I personally don't believe in bringing children into the world if you know they are going to be disabled.

We chose to terminate our first child when it showed up on the six month scan that she had hydrocephalus - thanks to a toxoplasmosis infection my wife had picked up from our fuckin cats. My mrs has worked in the care industry all her life and was under no illusions about the impact it would have on all of our lives. We now have two beautiful and healthy children, and they're a fuckin handful.

However, I don't think dyslexia is a case for termination...

 

[Jabberwocky]

However, I don't think dyslexia is a case for termination...

Most developed countries provide highly individualised education programs for dyslexic kids that brings them up to speed in a huge number of cases. In the US it’s a legal requirement for schools to deliver such programs. But even if they don’t flourish at school or college there’s plenty of non-academic avenues in life that are very rewarding. It’s not like Spina bifida (or hydrocephalus). But no doubt it is not fun for those who suffer. I wonder if the experience is related to why @Gormur doesn’t like kids, puppies, or kittens.

 

[ions]

Then there's disease like schizophrenia, and something there's no test for, only DR BS. I would like to pass on my frame to an offspring, like the picture frame I view the world in. But that you develop not really something that gets passed on. So would I risk giving schizophrenia to my kids. I'd rather say the doctors are full of shit and they can eat dirt and die than say it's something that is a risk factor for me or the little ones.

 

[Gormur]

Most developed countries provide highly individualised education programs for dyslexic kids that brings them up to speed in a huge number of cases. In the US it’s a legal requirement for schools to deliver such programs. But even if they don’t flourish at school or college there’s plenty of non-academic avenues in life that are very rewarding. It’s not like Spina bifida (or hydrocephalus). But no doubt it is not fun for those who suffer. I wonder if the experience is related to why @Gormur doesn’t like kids, puppies, or kittens.

For sure. I just think children are loud and dirty like dogs and cats are messy and some like to hurt people. I know that people like those things though so I never voice my opinion. I guess I can do so here and make people upset hehe

@ions Good point. I could've mentioned I also have lupus in my family (their mother died from it as well). My grandpa died from it and his twin sister has it but a milder form. It's kind of a rare disease and men rarely get it at all but still it does run in my family. Compared to most things it's hardly worth mentioning I guess, but it is an incurable disease so it must suck to have it and know that you're going to die

I think the worst thing about dyslexia is having an inferiority complex because in subjects like math or science you can never be sure what's going on there and when the teacher explains it it makes no sense anyway. I don't think I learned anything at school or when I was homeschooled. I did learn how to read and spell but I did that on my own believe it or not. I mean this might seem trivial but for me it was really uncomfortable to be forced to do things I didn't understand and I wouldn't want another person to be forced into that space either

Also everything else in life is just more difficult unless you're a genius in some specialized area outside school. Other people make school look easy and they still say it's hard which doesn't help to motivate you. Then you're faced with the reality that your whole life is about hard work instead of enjoyment because you have to carve out a living

 

[Jabberwocky]

We’re not upset about the kittens and the puppies and the kids. Just curious why you don’t like ‘em. Which you have now kindly explained. That’s pretty impressive you taught yourself to read and spell. A good reason NOT to feel insecure I’d say.

 

[Gormur]

I'm definitely a weird case. I remember words based on their appearance rather than on how they sound yet dyslexics are supposed to be bad spellers; not all are. Instead I'm good at music but I don't get math or science (physics etc) at all. I did write backwards cursive when I started school though

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I answered not sure because I wasn't sure what disease we're talking about.

Addiction - yes
Severe/terminal disease - most likely no, case by case basis

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

No, not at all.

 

[Cloudman115]

My family friend is deaf and his wife also they just had twins who are both deaf as well. They will make it work. Hey at least they don’t have to hear them crying. That’s a joke we say.
being deaf isn’t serious or really a disease but they made that choice and you just got to love and cherish what you got.

 

[SteeleyJ]

For me it would depend on the disease. I would not with a disease like fatal familial insomnia.... or sickle cell anemia or something super horrible.
I would have an issue bringing someone into this world to suffer. I should probably have one of those genetic tests done honestly just to know what landmines I might run into.