Misc How to get the right prescriptions

[thewayjoshis]

This post may be in the wrong category. My apologies if it is.
A little back story/potentially helpful information:
I have been diagnosed with touretts (Fortunately, a very minor case), ADD, and some sort of mood disorder. I know I have insomnia, but I haven't been diagnosed. All my life I have had an extremely hard time concentrating, as proved by my grades. Ever since I was a kid, I have struggled with social anxiety, but have managed to overcome a majority of it over the years. However, about once every two weeks, I still have a day where it gets so bad that I have to isolate myself from everyone or I will pretty much start having a nervous breakdown. The only way to counteract this is with drugs, and at the time, I have to self-medicate.

In 7th grade I was prescribed ritalin and hated it. They switched me to adderall but I refused to take it. Back then, I had no intentions of abusing any kind of drug at all. Now, four years later, I do a variety of drugs from oxycodone to DXM and more. When I do adderall, I typically snort 15-45mg XR. I really like it. It completely removes any social anxiety I have and makes me feel confident in everyday life. On top of that, it makes me a fucking genius in school and I get amazing amounts of work done with good grades. Unfortunately, I have a reputation of being a druggie which is known to a lot of people in my area (parents, psychiatrists, etc.). This is mainly due to the fact that I have been taken to the ER by ambulance twice in the past 6 months for what my school nurse considers a 'life-threatening overdose' and last time I checked, 300mg of DXM before school is not quite an overdose, nor is it very life-threatening... Recently, my reputation as a druggie has started to fade away as I haven't been caught with drugs in months now and it seems as if everyone is starting to think I might have stopped.

To the point:

Part 1 (Focusing, Motivation, and Anxiety): Unfortunately, my sources of adderall are scarce, and I can only really use it 2-5 times a month. My family, school teachers, and psychiatrist are well aware that I can't focus at all in school, but a lot of them think it's just a matter of me not caring. And honestly, I think that's part of the reason too. My last visit with the psychiatrist was months ago, back when I was a known druggie. I wanted adderall, not just to abuse it, but actually because I think it will help me. I like to abuse it because it basically solves all of my problems (as in mental disorders) and makes me a boss at life. I would consider it self-medicating, not really abuse. But since adderall is a commonly abused drug, if I ask to be prescribed it, I will just look like a drug seeker (which I am too, but this time, I think I actually need it). Unfortunately, my psychiatrist's main goal seems to be to treat my touretts syndrome and my mood disorder. This causes him to give me shitty medications like abilify and lamictal which barely even help and just make me feel like shit. My dad takes adderall but is trying to get off. The reason it's hard for him is because he feels as if he can't function right or be productive without it. Just like me... My dad's personal opinion is that drugs should be used as least as possible and he wants to see me get off all medication. He has brought up adderall before and said, "hmm, maybe that would help you a bit". But hasn't put much thought into it.

Part 2 (Insomnia): I know I have insomnia but unfortunately, no one seems to believe me except my dad. It all started about a year ago when I lived in a boarding school (Very structured and extremely strict;It was fucking awful). There were two different groups of people there really: The thugs/druggies and the fuck boys/little kids that did their own thing. I started having really bad insomnia so I told the nurse (a different nurse than the one who called the ER twice, that was after I left boarding school) about it and asked if I could be prescribed some sort of sleeping pill or whatever to help me sleep at night. She knew I was part of the druggies/thugs group so her response was, "Look, I know you want your drugs, but sorry, you're not going to get them." She then told my whole family that I claimed I had insomnia in an attempt to get "my drugs", which was not the point at all. I left boarding school and told my dad what happened and he took me to a real psychiatrist who prescribed me trazodone. It didn't work because it didn't keep me asleep (My main problem is staying asleep, not going to sleep). I started not taking it and just letting in pile up in the corner of my closet. My mom found it all thinking I was saving it up to get high or something and told my psychiatrist. He then took me off of trazodone. To this day, I still have insomnia but it seems to last for about 2-3 weeks, go away for about 3-4 months, and then come back again, etc. So now, because of the first incident with the boarding school nurse, on top of the second incident with the pile of trazodone in my closet, I'm afraid to ask my psychiatrist for something to help me sleep as he will probably think I'm just trying to get high.

Part 3 (Touretts): I really have nothing to say about this other than that I've had it my entire life. I can technically 'control' it, but only if I dedicate 100% of my focus to it. It's not that bad (e.g. I don't scream "FUCK!!! SHITTY DICK ASS!!!!" randomly at the top of my lungs) but it's still noticeable and annoying. Usually I will suddenly and quickly turn my head or flick my wrist or move my shoulder around. Sometimes when my head twitches, I can feel a nerve pop and it hurts like hell for a day or two. I'm not completely sure if this is actually touretts to be honest, but that's really all I can say about it.

Conclusion: I have found that I am a better psychiatrist for myself than my psychiatrist hisself. Despite the fact he has a great reputation, one of the best in my state (Wisconsin), nothing he gives me seems to work. I want to suggest he prescribes me certain medications, mainly adderall at this point, but I will either just look like a drug seeker, or someone who thinks they know a lot about drugs and diagnostic treatment, but actually doesn't (Even thought I know myself better than anyone else in the world, and have probably experimented with way more drugs than anyone trying to help me, including my psychiatrist). I know adderall is right for me, it's pretty clear, but if I tell anyone that, they will just ask, "Well how would you know that?". Obviously because I have tried it, but obviously I'm not going to tell them that. So I'm pretty fucking clueless as to what to do about this but there's clearly a problem and I want to sleep at night, be productive, and stay confident. So if anyone is reading this who has any kind if advice for me at all, it would be much appreciated. Thank you bluelighters!

 

[Mad Dash]

How old are you? I am guessing not even 18.

So far, you have said one of the best psychiatrists in your state does not know how to treat you. That you know how to treat yourself better. The medications that he is trying on you do not work for you because they don't get you high (lets call this what it really is). You ARE a drug seeker. Plain and simple. You will not know this until you are much older. But the fact is you ODd, or had two suspected ODs in rapid succession. You also need to grab a hold of your balls and ask the doctor to try to go back on adderall because it worked for you in the past. You have proven yourself to have addictive tendencies thus no psych in their right mind would TOUCH you with a controlled medication.

Reading between the lines basically what I read is. I know more than this meanie head doctor who wont give me adderall during the day and benzos during the night. Sorry to give it to you so rough but you are basically asking for. How foolish can you be to ask the FUCKING SCHOOL NURSE for sleeping pills. That is not how the world works.

Here is what will work. Graduate, get out of the city you live in go to a doctor that you never met before and start all over again. Maybe when you are a little more grown up you can take care of your medical situation on your own. But right now, if I was your parents I wouldn't let you near those drugs either.

BTW, this comes from a place of care. I am being tough on you because you need it. If you want to abuse drugs recreationally go ahead. But don;t blame it on everybody else. This makes you sound so incredibly entitled complaining about how your doctor wont give you controlled substances after your entire city knows you as a potential addict.

 

[thewayjoshis]

I would ask him to go back on it but I never actually took it. They switched me from ritalin to adderall and i refused to take the adderall because i hated the ritalin so much. And the reason i asked the nurse for sleeping pills... The wasn't just the school nurse. Ahe was the BOARDING school nurse which is where I lived and she is who you are supposed to come to with your medical problems. At the time, I didn't kreally know what the term 'sleeping pill' meant pils that help people sleep, but also pills that a lot of people use to get high. All I wanted was to sleep so I was just trying to make a suggestion. I would wait the two years until I graduate high school, but I want the adderall ASAP so I can have decent grades... Because grades are not something people can really change in the future... This probably won't make a difference to you but DXM doesn't become lethal until doses starting at about 1600mg. And a lot of people have survived that. I'm just looking for a way to get prescribed adderall mainly.

 

[blue comet]

As a lot of people will tell you, its prescription pills that did the most damage to them. This has even happened when used as prescribed and not abused.

Appreciate your health and don't do anything to jeopardize your future. Mankind live without these prescription medications for millions of year and you will be just fine without them, and in fact youll probably save yourself years of pain and agony when tolerance catches up to you or its time to get off them and your brain can't function properly.

I took sleeping medication (valium, ambien) and it was a one-way ticket to my own personal hell. I didn't think it could get worse until my doctor gave me gabapentin and everything got 100x more horrific. I wish I had someone telling me this years ago.

Be smart, don't fuck up your life. Yes, being high is nice but also is the ability to live your life without years long disruption of withdrawal and tolerance.

 

[when I dream]

You know what people who are not seeking drugs do not worry about? Looking like they are seeking drugs.

BL is not here to help you scam your doctor. Be honest with him/her and if they agree that medication would be beneficial then you'll get your prescription.

 

[Mad Dash]

So I was correct, you are 16 years old and already messing around with this. Look, if you were ever RXd ritalin and adderall the easiest thing to do is tell the doctor that you were. Tell him the truth, that you didn't think the adderall would help or work but that you are so frustrated and confused at school that nothing you do works. Tell him you would like to try going on the ritalin again if he does not want to RX the adderall (which BTW ritalin is HIGHLY abuse-able as well). Us it for a while then say it is just not working like you did before and tell him you want to give adderall another shot.

Look you will not be able to come to this site and fool a bunch of vets so you will be liked much better if you just call it what it is. You like to abuse meds, WE DONT CARE, everyone in this board has done so. So you can be honest with us if not with your doctor or yourself.

 

[strigoi]

A nurse calling the ambulance because they found out a student over-dosed (by literal definition) themselves on cough syrup is being a good nurse

A doctor not prescribing scheduled meds to a juvenile with addiction problems is being a good doctor.

Let's say you did get prescribed adderall, how hard are you working at your school work now? Are you receiving tutoring on the subjects you have problems with? Adderall is not some magic 'good grades' pill. The habits and discipline have to be there.

When is the last time (and for how long) you have been totally sober from recreational drugs/doses ? Do you exercise daily? You will probably ignore it, but I will challenge you. For 30 days, start getting up at 6am, start daily exercise, start eating right and go to bed at a decent hour. This won't be a miracle cure, but you will feel better

Like others here, I want to smack you around out of concern. You might think you are smarter than every psychiatrist, but you are not. You are fucking up as many of us had and it leads to absolutely nothing good.

 

[Mad Dash]

A nurse calling the ambulance because they found out a student over-dosed (by literal definition) themselves on cough syrup is being a good nurse

A doctor not prescribing scheduled meds to a juvenile with addiction problems is being a good doctor.

Let's say you did get prescribed adderall, how hard are you working at your school work now? Are you receiving tutoring on the subjects you have problems with? Adderall is not some magic 'good grades' pill. The habits and discipline have to be there.

When is the last time (and for how long) you have been totally sober from recreational drugs/doses ? Do you exercise daily? You will probably ignore it, but I will challenge you. For 30 days, start getting up at 6am, start daily exercise, start eating right and go to bed at a decent hour. This won't be a miracle cure, but you will feel better

Like others here, I want to smack you around out of concern. You might think you are smarter than every psychiatrist, but you are not. You are fucking up as many of us had and it leads to absolutely nothing good.

I would like to second this as well. I get up early every morning and do this. Likely has something to do with my military background, but regardless it has helped me maintain my sobriety. I am literally 30 seconds from walking out the door to go the gym. My morning routine is wake up get dressed grab my coffee browse internet for 30 mins go workout come home and work from home all day until bedtime, unless I have appointments at the VA to go to. And just so you understand how hard it is to get RXd benzos these days, I am a combat veteran 2 deployments to the 'stan, I am mangled both mentally and physically. They still didn't want to put me on a benzo, but after I got news that my wife was planning on divorcing me, my psychiatrist even felt bad for me.

Like I said if you want to abuse meds recreationally fine. We will even answer your questions about how to get the most out of them while being as safe as possible with them. But don't think you are God's gift to mankind at 16 years old more qualified to know what you should be taking over a state renowned psychiatrist. We are not here to help you scam doctors. BUT I will say the truth will set you free sometimes. In this case with the adderall especially. 16 year olds DON'T get sleeping pills. That is so rare it is almost unheard of. There are rare psychiatric cases when that does happen, but more often that is because they have something YOU DON'T WANT. Like I would rather trade my so called great stash of meds for my sanity and my wife back ANYDAY. But that aint how shit works bud. You have a lot of learning to do.

 

[ovo1024]

Tl;dr but from the comments and what I could gather take there advice.

 

[R3hab]

Years from how you will look back and regret being on all these meds. I know at your age you couldn't care less about the future I was the same way. Your still young and have your whole life ahead of you there's no reason to get involved in things that will degrade your quality of life in the long run. Of course Adderal makes you feel good but that's like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound. It covers up the base problem without dealing with the issues. Trust me as much as drugs can help they also do equal damage in the long run.

Be Safe OP!

 

[thewayjoshis]

Thank you to everyone who replied to this. Even though I didn't get the answer I was looking for, you guys gave me some other ideas to consider. I guess you are right, BL isn't a place to ask people how to scam your doctor. Maybe I do need to start waking up early and working out and stuff. You're probably right, I don't know as much as I think I do... I'm actually having one of those social anxiety days I talked about earlier so I'm going to stop talking before this turns into a rant about how my life sucks. Thanks for the help all.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

A nurse calling the ambulance because they found out a student over-dosed (by literal definition) themselves on cough syrup is being a good nurse

A doctor not prescribing scheduled meds to a juvenile with addiction problems is being a good doctor.

Let's say you did get prescribed adderall, how hard are you working at your school work now? Are you receiving tutoring on the subjects you have problems with? Adderall is not some magic 'good grades' pill. The habits and discipline have to be there.

When is the last time (and for how long) you have been totally sober from recreational drugs/doses ? Do you exercise daily? You will probably ignore it, but I will challenge you. For 30 days, start getting up at 6am, start daily exercise, start eating right and go to bed at a decent hour. This won't be a miracle cure, but you will feel better

Like others here, I want to smack you around out of concern. You might think you are smarter than every psychiatrist, but you are not. You are fucking up as many of us had and it leads to absolutely nothing good.

Excellent post strigoi.

If you have Tourette's and other physical/mental/mood disorders like anxiety and ADD talk to your doctor about it. Some people's tourette's can be controlled by medications. Stay safe.

 

[dez79]

I would like to second this as well. I get up early every morning and do this. Likely has something to do with my military background, but regardless it has helped me maintain my sobriety. I am literally 30 seconds from walking out the door to go the gym. My morning routine is wake up get dressed grab my coffee browse internet for 30 mins go workout come home and work from home all day until bedtime, unless I have appointments at the VA to go to. And just so you understand how hard it is to get RXd benzos these days, I am a combat veteran 2 deployments to the 'stan, I am mangled both mentally and physically. They still didn't want to put me on a benzo, but after I got news that my wife was planning on divorcing me, my psychiatrist even felt bad for me.

Like I said if you want to abuse meds recreationally fine. We will even answer your questions about how to get the most out of them while being as safe as possible with them. But don't think you are God's gift to mankind at 16 years old more qualified to know what you should be taking over a state renowned psychiatrist. We are not here to help you scam doctors. BUT I will say the truth will set you free sometimes. In this case with the adderall especially. 16 year olds DON'T get sleeping pills. That is so rare it is almost unheard of. There are rare psychiatric cases when that does happen, but more often that is because they have something YOU DON'T WANT. Like I would rather trade my so called great stash of meds for my sanity and my wife back ANYDAY. But that aint how shit works bud. You have a lot of learning to do.

Only reason I get RX benzos is cause of my past PTSD from emergency work too , lucky us ?

 

[Mad Dash]

Only reason I get RX benzos is cause of my past PTSD from emergency work too , lucky us ?

I feel so stupid sometimes. Like my "be careful what you wish for" actually came true. When I was younger I would have killed to be on the list of pharms I am on right now. But I never thought about the reasons people actually need them. Now I would trade the world to go back to before I deployed. I want my wife back, I want my sanity back. I want to have friends again. I am almost 30 years old and unless I am going to the gym I have to be so loaded to go anywhere if there is more than 20 people. Even with family members I don't see often I am nervous. Ya, lucky us....

 

[Mad Dash]

Thank you to everyone who replied to this. Even though I didn't get the answer I was looking for, you guys gave me some other ideas to consider. I guess you are right, BL isn't a place to ask people how to scam your doctor. Maybe I do need to start waking up early and working out and stuff. You're probably right, I don't know as much as I think I do... I'm actually having one of those social anxiety days I talked about earlier so I'm going to stop talking before this turns into a rant about how my life sucks. Thanks for the help all.

And hey listen, you ever need to rant that is fine, there are sections on bluelight JUST for that. Hell you can even send me a PM and I would be glad to help you work through whatever issues you have. It must be very fucking hard going to boarding school. I can imagine why you would want to be high all the time. I would too. But just be careful about the way you phrase things. If we don't know somebody on here the trust is earned.

 

[jammin83]

It's not true that a dr won't prescribe you amps if you have substance issues. Many do. It usually depends on your DOC. My psychs have known about my issues and have never had a problem getting an adderall script.

 

[thewayjoshis]

I understand how trust needs to be earned. I think that maybe as i was writing this whole original post, i was probably lying to myself as well because I wrote that shortly after I snorted 30mg of addy. I'm not sure what is accepted on this site but do people care if you use proper grammer and shit? Becasue I'm new here and I don't want to be looked down on because I use awful grammer but I don't want to be laughed at because I use proper grammer when that's just not me. I don't know even how relavent this post is but I think I just discovered that I'm addicted to my lamictal prescription. I don't know if it's really addictive but when I looked it up, it said it was and when I tried to ween myself off of it by only taling half the dose, I had suicidal thoughts all day and was puking and crying a lot. Kind of embarrasing but yea... Is this actually the lamictal or is it just me being depressed?

 

[Mad Dash]

For one, why are you trying to ween yourself off of your bi-polar medication. Second... It is not a drug someone can get addicted to.

Edit: I mean you can become physically dependent on it... but it is not something you can abuse. Just take your medicine. If you are bi-polar you need to learn to get use to your meds. I know how hard it is to have a mental illness, so trust me when I say this is coming from a place of care: You need to grab your balls and grow up pretty fast, you need to open up to your therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors. Stop trying to get high and start trying to get healthy. If you don't start doing this the right way, you are going to ruin your life forever. I hope you know that in bi-polar patients the likelihood of drug abuse and addiction SKYROCKETS.

 

[Speed King]

How old are you? I am guessing not even 18.

So far, you have said one of the best psychiatrists in your state does not know how to treat you. That you know how to treat yourself better. The medications that he is trying on you do not work for you because they don't get you high (lets call this what it really is). You ARE a drug seeker. Plain and simple. You will not know this until you are much older. But the fact is you ODd, or had two suspected ODs in rapid succession. You also need to grab a hold of your balls and ask the doctor to try to go back on adderall because it worked for you in the past. You have proven yourself to have addictive tendencies thus no psych in their right mind would TOUCH you with a controlled medication.

Reading between the lines basically what I read is. I know more than this meanie head doctor who wont give me adderall during the day and benzos during the night. Sorry to give it to you so rough but you are basically asking for. How foolish can you be to ask the FUCKING SCHOOL NURSE for sleeping pills. That is not how the world works.

Here is what will work. Graduate, get out of the city you live in go to a doctor that you never met before and start all over again. Maybe when you are a little more grown up you can take care of your medical situation on your own. But right now, if I was your parents I wouldn't let you near those drugs either.

BTW, this comes from a place of care. I am being tough on you because you need it. If you want to abuse drugs recreationally go ahead. But don;t blame it on everybody else. This makes you sound so incredibly entitled complaining about how your doctor wont give you controlled substances after your entire city knows you as a potential addict.

I couldn't of said this better myself. Might I suggest you get serious with yourself, before you move to a new town, where nobody knows your name. If you get a second chance, you don't want to blow it. Old habits can sneak up out of no where. This comment is out of care also.

 

[bigmac155]

lets also not forget that if u do start taking adderall, ur insomnia will get significantly worse. im telling this to u from first hand experience. i personally am dealing with insomnia myself and its ridiculous. last night i tossed and turned all night.

my point is, when i take adderall, even at 9am, i cant fall asleep even as late as 2am. unless i take a benzo. adderall just keeps me up all night even if i take it in the morning. so if u dont want ur insomnia to get worse i suggest u change ur mind about everything. and trust me, u dont ewant ur insomnia to get worse.