I've been dating my soulmate for 8 months. We're currently living at her parents house but are looking to move early next year. I love blowjobs and she knows I do but won't reciprocate when I go down on her. She will blow me for about 10 seconds once in a blue moon but only if were in the shower and then she'll stop and act like she put forth quite enough effort. We've had a handful of heated arguments about it and her reason for not doing it despite my pleas is that she feels weird being in her parents house and can't concentrate on it properly. I understand this, but we regularly have sex and she lets me go down on her regularly. When I would ask her why she didn't do it for me she would say that it made her gag but I suggested multiple things to avoid this. She spilled her past experiences with me and admitted that she always gave blowjobs to her ex before and swallowed too. She told me that she has given blowjobs to other people in the past also. Why could she blow and swallow for them but not for me?? This whole thing is tearing my head apart. I literally think about it every day. It wouldn't have been so hard to live with if I didn't know her past but now that I do I just feel like she doesn't care enough to do it for me and I can't stop thinking about the other guys she has done it for and getting jealous. What should I say or do??
How to get gf to give oral
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LuGoJ
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Maybe they were abusive and she felt like she had to. In the end, it doesn't matter really. The bottom line is that she sounds like she is uncomfortable doing it now. You realistically have two options here.
1 - Accept it for now, move on, and check back in again after some time.
2- Don't accept it, tell her that you cannot accept it, and figure out what you guys will do from there.
How important are blowjobs VS being with your soulmate? Soulmate is quite a powerful word to be throwing around after only 8 months.
1 - Accept it for now, move on, and check back in again after some time.
2- Don't accept it, tell her that you cannot accept it, and figure out what you guys will do from there.
How important are blowjobs VS being with your soulmate? Soulmate is quite a powerful word to be throwing around after only 8 months.
I agree with you LuGoJ it is not a deal breaker for me but I feel like she's leading me on. She told me that one of her New Years resolutions was to do it more for me. Last weekend when we were on vacation she did while we were in the shower but only for about 15 seconds. She acted afterward like she went above and beyond for me. Right now I just really want to bring up the topic again in hopes of resolving this. I don't want to but I need to clear my mind. Many forums suggest that talking about it is the worst thing to do...any advice on how to approach the conversation and what to say would be extremely appreciated!
LuGoJ
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It honestly sounds like it's something she really doesn't enjoy doing, but she wanted to appease you because she loves you.
It's a touchy situation. I would say that you should definitely talk to her about until you both come to a solid understand of each others feelings on the issue. As for the timing and place of such a discussion? I don't know her so i can't say.
As for forums suggesting not talking to her about it, what do they suggest? I can't really imagine any situations where couples shouldn't talk about their issues.
tonja
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I wonder is it possible she feels like she is not doing a good job at it maybe some encouragements would help or I do know some men do not last long so if she does for you then she may not have the excitement she wants or needs? offer to take turn today is your day tomorrow is mine??
The forums I've browsed which are numerous have suggested that bringing the topic up would cause her to avoid it even more. She has told me that she thinks about it all the time when we're together but that it frustrates her when I bring it up and she doesn't want to do it.
I've tried to encourage her by telling her how awesome it was and how I loved it but it didn't seem to do anything for her. Ive expressed to her that it's not that I would rather her perform oral than have sex but that it's the emotion I get out of it that she's completely devoting herself to me.
The forums gave insight but it was more about men venting due to oral being performed less as the relationship progressed. In my case I'm just looking to solve my girlfriends suggestions that it "will happen", when it has not.
Thank you for continuing to help me with this
Thank you for continuing to help me with this
Riverdawg78
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Just let her do her thing. If she wants to, then you're lucky. If not, don't force it
malakaix
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I was thinking along these lines, not this specifically.. but you have to make her want to blow you, im not surprised she gets frustrated when you ask her as its like asking permission which is a major turn off.. in my experience, the more you turn a girl on.. the more she will do for you. And a lot of women respond positively to dominance and the feeling of been taken during sex..
Talking about it takes it out of the realm of been sexy and impulsive and makes it seem more vulgar. I would focus on been more dominant in sex, making subtle hints through physical suggestion.. if all else fails, alcohol usually helps a lot.. im usually more inclined to go down on a girl if im drunk.
I'm sorry because I sympathize with you as a man who rather fancies a nice BJ myself from time to time, but if she is not wanting to do it enthusiastically for you then why would you even want it? I wouldn't be happy getting that from a gal if I knew she didn't like it or felt like she was doing me a huge favor. Plus if she's not into it she's not going to be any good at it anyway so why bother? Just rub one out with lube, it'll feel better than the pathetic attempt she'll give you.
If you're having to talk her in to it, then that's bad. She has every right to set any boundary she wants and you have to respect them but you have every right to want that and expect what you want too and if she's not willing to accommodate you then you have a real problem on your hands. You have needs and that is one of your needs and you shouldn't have to apologize for it or anything. In other words, it sounds like you two are not sexually compatible.
So the question is: are you willing to accept that for the rest of your life, or is it a deal breaker? Because believe me - things are NOT going to change after you move. She is stalling there, and that's bad too. Not being honest. She should just tell you straight up she will never do that for you and make you take it or leave it. People have broken up for much dumber reasons, but really think about it because this is how relationships go bad - small resentments grow and grow and everything becomes a game of spite and petty slights. You'll start withholding things you know she likes just to make a point, and it'll just become a tit for tat nightmare like that spilling over into which movies you watch together etc.
Eventually you'll cheat on her, either with a paid professional or someone you meet, all to get that blissful blowjob. Is it worth all that, or do you just walk away now and find someone you're more compatible with?
Good luck man. Poor bastard
If you're having to talk her in to it, then that's bad. She has every right to set any boundary she wants and you have to respect them but you have every right to want that and expect what you want too and if she's not willing to accommodate you then you have a real problem on your hands. You have needs and that is one of your needs and you shouldn't have to apologize for it or anything. In other words, it sounds like you two are not sexually compatible.
So the question is: are you willing to accept that for the rest of your life, or is it a deal breaker? Because believe me - things are NOT going to change after you move. She is stalling there, and that's bad too. Not being honest. She should just tell you straight up she will never do that for you and make you take it or leave it. People have broken up for much dumber reasons, but really think about it because this is how relationships go bad - small resentments grow and grow and everything becomes a game of spite and petty slights. You'll start withholding things you know she likes just to make a point, and it'll just become a tit for tat nightmare like that spilling over into which movies you watch together etc.
Eventually you'll cheat on her, either with a paid professional or someone you meet, all to get that blissful blowjob. Is it worth all that, or do you just walk away now and find someone you're more compatible with?
Good luck man. Poor bastard
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MissVL
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Firstly some suggestions:
~ Asking/begging for a blowjob isn't a turn on, as Beekr said most women like a level of dominance when it comes to sex. Instead of asking for a blowjob try demanding one, just pull your cock out and tell her to literally "Suck my dick" or when your kissing pull away, get your cock out and tell her to suck it. If she refuses these demands then don't push it.
~ Put on some porn compilations of guys getting their dick sucked and watch it with her, tell her how horny it makes you, start feeling her up, rubbing her pussy etc.
~ During sex try dedicating yourself to her and make her cum (more than once if you can), when she's on a 'high' from an orgasm ask her to suck you off.
~ Do you give her oral? If you do then stop it, when she asks why you won't then tell her it's not fair that she wants you to eat her out but won't give you head.
~ Get her really aroused and begging to be fucked, then refuse and instead put her dick in her mouth - if she pushes you away you know you've failed.
Now some thoughts:
~ It's possible she lying about having given people head in the past and is nervous/scared/doesn't know what to do so you need to guide her if this is the case.
~ As far as I'm concerned having sex with someone is essentially about pleasing them and receiving pleasure in return. I've done things I haven't enjoyed purely because it aroused my partner, sex isn't about being selfish. If she isn't going to make an effort towards your pleasure, especially if she is being pleasured then I would move on. There is nothing worse than being in a sexually frustrating relationship. Oral sex is a pretty basic part of a relationship IMO.
Anyway sorry about the essay and good luck - not getting head would be a dealbreaker for me.
~ Asking/begging for a blowjob isn't a turn on, as Beekr said most women like a level of dominance when it comes to sex. Instead of asking for a blowjob try demanding one, just pull your cock out and tell her to literally "Suck my dick" or when your kissing pull away, get your cock out and tell her to suck it. If she refuses these demands then don't push it.
~ Put on some porn compilations of guys getting their dick sucked and watch it with her, tell her how horny it makes you, start feeling her up, rubbing her pussy etc.
~ During sex try dedicating yourself to her and make her cum (more than once if you can), when she's on a 'high' from an orgasm ask her to suck you off.
~ Do you give her oral? If you do then stop it, when she asks why you won't then tell her it's not fair that she wants you to eat her out but won't give you head.
~ Get her really aroused and begging to be fucked, then refuse and instead put her dick in her mouth - if she pushes you away you know you've failed.
Now some thoughts:
~ It's possible she lying about having given people head in the past and is nervous/scared/doesn't know what to do so you need to guide her if this is the case.
~ As far as I'm concerned having sex with someone is essentially about pleasing them and receiving pleasure in return. I've done things I haven't enjoyed purely because it aroused my partner, sex isn't about being selfish. If she isn't going to make an effort towards your pleasure, especially if she is being pleasured then I would move on. There is nothing worse than being in a sexually frustrating relationship. Oral sex is a pretty basic part of a relationship IMO.
Anyway sorry about the essay and good luck - not getting head would be a dealbreaker for me.
nygiants1313
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don't know, because I only stay fuk buddies with girls that give oral, and would only enter a relationship with someone who gives head
its a deal breaker for me, I hate to say. shes not your soulmate unless you can live your ENTIRE life without blowjobs. most likely you would stray, or it would cause many fights and resentment
then again, if you have never had a BJ in your life you don't know what you are missing yet.
also just read the end of your post. the fact she sucked and swallowed before, and you been together for 8 months is mind blowing (no pun intended)
I woulda given her a month and been out
its a deal breaker for me, I hate to say. shes not your soulmate unless you can live your ENTIRE life without blowjobs. most likely you would stray, or it would cause many fights and resentment
then again, if you have never had a BJ in your life you don't know what you are missing yet.
also just read the end of your post. the fact she sucked and swallowed before, and you been together for 8 months is mind blowing (no pun intended)
I woulda given her a month and been out
HYDRO_CHRONIC
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why is she comfortable with having sex at all in the house if shes that worried about it ,sounds like shes lazy ,she should give everything that u give ....
stop going down on her if she wont return the favor ,its bullshit
stop going down on her if she wont return the favor ,its bullshit
llama112
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Don't do that. If my boyfriend did that, the sex would probably end right there. No forcing.