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How to Develop Social Etiquette

If religion and politics can't be discussed around someone, is that really a person worth being around?
 
heh, I see it another way- if a person likes talking about religion, are they worth being around? It's not distasteful imo, just...nonsense.
 
Religion is just a sub topic of spirituality. Why is discussing, for instance, some of the good things that the various religions have brought to humanity, or some of the lessons we should learn from the past and present about the dangers inherent in many religions, a bad thing?
 
Oh ok I shoulda been clearer, I meant ppl who speak of actual/specific religions (specifically, ppl who consider themselves a particular religion) Religious philosophy is interesting talk sometimes imo :)
 
I totally agree.. its what my dad drilled into me.. his theory was these topics could quite easily spark a heated discussion...
 
I've had success just letting myself bring up whatever topics I'm interested in and running with it whenever people ask questions, or moving on if they're obviously uninterested. This has done well in defusing a lot of social anxiety.

ebola
 
The best education I ever received was when my Dad got transferred to Africa. I was a middle-class, middle amerikan kid that suddenly went from a Texas suburb to living in one of the poorest cities in the world (Lagos, Nigeria) and sent at company expense to a Swiss boarding school with some of the richest girls from around the world. I made friends in both places and what I learned was that underneath both class and culture people roughly play out all the same variations. There are wonderful, fascinating deep thinkers and there are miserable, arrogant egotists and everything in between no matter where you go. The only thing you ever need when interacting with any group of people in any setting is 1)observation (fighting your own impulse to stereotype), 2) genuine interest in getting to know others (as opposed to focusing on yourself and the impression you are making) and 3) basic good manners (being polite).

Basic rule at any western-culture table is that you use the outside silverware first (soup spoon, salad fork) and work your way in as the meal progresses. When it starts to get nit-picky like which way to dip your spoon in your soup, that's when I bail. American and European ways of holding silverware are different anyway so if you truly want to fit in, it is best to observe.
 
^great post

herbavore said:
I made friends in both places and what I learned was that underneath both class and culture people roughly play out all the same variations.
Click to expand...
This bears repeating, it's been true in any scenario (I'm only US and canada on occasion) I've ever been in, from rich to ghetto that^ has held true sooo much
 
herbavore said:
The best education I ever received was when my Dad got transferred to Africa. I was a middle-class, middle amerikan kid that suddenly went from a Texas suburb to living in one of the poorest cities in the world (Lagos, Nigeria) and sent at company expense to a Swiss boarding school with some of the richest girls from around the world. I made friends in both places and what I learned was that underneath both class and culture people roughly play out all the same variations. There are wonderful, fascinating deep thinkers and there are miserable, arrogant egotists and everything in between no matter where you go. The only thing you ever need when interacting with any group of people in any setting is 1)observation (fighting your own impulse to stereotype), 2) genuine interest in getting to know others (as opposed to focusing on yourself and the impression you are making) and 3) basic good manners (being polite).

Basic rule at any western-culture table is that you use the outside silverware first (soup spoon, salad fork) and work your way in as the meal progresses. When it starts to get nit-picky like which way to dip your spoon in your soup, that's when I bail. American and European ways of holding silverware are different anyway so if you truly want to fit in, it is best to observe.
Click to expand...

I bet living in Africa was an eye-opening and exhilarating experience. Did you ever go walking in any informal settlements aka slums? Did you get to leave town and visit any villages where people live off the land?

Based solely on what you posted, it seems like your experience was still Western-centric. As poor as Lagos is, as a whole, it is still a port city with commerce and skyscrapers. You went to a Swiss school full of capitalist kids. So while your observations are accurate regarding the deep thinkers, egoists, and everything in between, it appears as if those conclusions were reached while socializing with other English speakers of a variety of ethnicities and cultural backgrounds.

The reason I bring up the whole Western-centric thing is because if you didn't hang out with any of the actual poor native Nigerians, then your conclusions are based on a biased sample.

Other than that, the advice you give about being polite, using good manners, and observing are spot on. My training is in anthropology and I understand and appreciate the behaviors that should be used while meeting a new or exotic group of people, regardless of socioeconomic status.

bmxxx said:
^great post


This bears repeating, it's been true in any scenario (I'm only US and canada on occasion) I've ever been in, from rich to ghetto that^ has held true sooo much
Click to expand...

While people both rich and poor share many of the same underlying emotions and social needs, I would be careful not to use such a wide paintbrush to minimize the differences in language and lifestyle that exist between the rich and poor. I'll admit, I've prolly spent way more time hanging with poor folks than rich ones. I do however agree with herbavore that regardless of the income of the people you talk to, as long as you are polite, practice good manners, and calmly chuckle at their jokes, you should be fine. I would ALWAYS rather be known for being quiet than for being a loudmouth.
 
herbavore said:
1)observation (fighting your own impulse to stereotype), 2) genuine interest in getting to know others (as opposed to focusing on yourself and the impression you are making) and 3) basic good manners (being polite).
Click to expand...

I agree with these too. Observation is the most important of these for a skill that I have developed. When dealing with people I don't know I become a mimic. I temporarily take on their attitudes, facial expressions, humor, education level, way of speaking, etc... I get very positive feedback from my patients. However, I have had a lot of training to be this way (we actually bring in actors to play sick patients).
Being polite, and trying to help out are also very important. Genuine interest can be a bit more tough, but if you are fairly knowledgeable about things in general you can do as if well enough.

To people saying people don't want to talk about unknowns...well these are specifically the people that I, and many of my colleagues, try to avoid getting into any sort of personal relationship with. I have a few red flags, and that is one. When my red flags go up, I create distance.
 
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