Long story, lots of details I apologize.
A bit of background, avid shroom user (+20 times) and have only done LSD 3 times. First time with LSD was with best friend. No complaints and amazing experience.
2nd and 3rd LSD doses were alone. Both times, around the 2 wave of peak (and probably bc I smoked weed stupidly), I got into the deep level of the trip where I was not in control anymore. e.g. couldnt ride a bike, bc there no more bike, it was just my subconscious zooming along sidewalk. Cant hold conversations. Supreme deep analytical thoughts etc
Both times, I got severe anxiety and paranoia that this deep stage of the trip would never end, even by 8-12th hour. Just filled with bad thought loops as I went through the insane time dilation. eg of my thoughts:
"you're fine man, it will end in a few hours, you'll be good try to enjoy this.... but what if it doesn't end?.... it will end man, your buddy who gave u the tabs came back to reality too... but what if it doesn't for me, what if im special case... how am I going to be able to disappear for +12 hours from family to sober up... what if im still tripping after 12 hours.... how will i explain my disappearance" you guys get the point.
I have come to a few conclusions:
a) both times the freakout started to happen was when I made plans during the trip to meet ppl, when i was still in control. then when comes time to leave to go meet ppl, I realize i am still way too fucked. and then the bad thought loops begin about "well shit, i can wait it out, but for how long, damn, these last 5 min felt like forever, im just getting more and more tripped out... relax, fuk the plans, just focus on being sober soon... im not sober still high... "
b) the idea that i have to reach out to my wife at some point during the night, via by phone call. Even though i always set out 12 hours of free time, when I get to that deep level of trippyness where i am not in control, I start to panic..."fuck im too fucked, cant even remember things, she will know I am high... but its only hour 5... you are good don't worry, still lots of time... what if it lasts past 12 hours... or if i avoid her calls and disappear to sober up, thats an option... but for how many hours more.... damn 5 minutes only gone by and im mad worried ill be forever gone.... etc".
Conclusions: Both times I took benzos around the 5 hour mark and hate myself for it. Feel like I cant do lsd anymore even though i love it. I just feel the high and time lapse is just so insanely long and intense.
I am worried that next time, even if i set out like 18 hours to myself (not just like 12 hrs), and make sure I absolutely have nothing to do not even call my wife for 18 hours. I still fear that these bad thought loops will come back despite knowing in my head i have ample time to come down, it will just make me go crazier thinking about time passing to sober up.
Any thoughts guys and girls?
Maybe only trip with friends, or just set out way more alone time to ensure comedown period (or does that create more time to go paranoid)?
A bit of background, avid shroom user (+20 times) and have only done LSD 3 times. First time with LSD was with best friend. No complaints and amazing experience.
2nd and 3rd LSD doses were alone. Both times, around the 2 wave of peak (and probably bc I smoked weed stupidly), I got into the deep level of the trip where I was not in control anymore. e.g. couldnt ride a bike, bc there no more bike, it was just my subconscious zooming along sidewalk. Cant hold conversations. Supreme deep analytical thoughts etc
Both times, I got severe anxiety and paranoia that this deep stage of the trip would never end, even by 8-12th hour. Just filled with bad thought loops as I went through the insane time dilation. eg of my thoughts:
"you're fine man, it will end in a few hours, you'll be good try to enjoy this.... but what if it doesn't end?.... it will end man, your buddy who gave u the tabs came back to reality too... but what if it doesn't for me, what if im special case... how am I going to be able to disappear for +12 hours from family to sober up... what if im still tripping after 12 hours.... how will i explain my disappearance" you guys get the point.
I have come to a few conclusions:
a) both times the freakout started to happen was when I made plans during the trip to meet ppl, when i was still in control. then when comes time to leave to go meet ppl, I realize i am still way too fucked. and then the bad thought loops begin about "well shit, i can wait it out, but for how long, damn, these last 5 min felt like forever, im just getting more and more tripped out... relax, fuk the plans, just focus on being sober soon... im not sober still high... "
b) the idea that i have to reach out to my wife at some point during the night, via by phone call. Even though i always set out 12 hours of free time, when I get to that deep level of trippyness where i am not in control, I start to panic..."fuck im too fucked, cant even remember things, she will know I am high... but its only hour 5... you are good don't worry, still lots of time... what if it lasts past 12 hours... or if i avoid her calls and disappear to sober up, thats an option... but for how many hours more.... damn 5 minutes only gone by and im mad worried ill be forever gone.... etc".
Conclusions: Both times I took benzos around the 5 hour mark and hate myself for it. Feel like I cant do lsd anymore even though i love it. I just feel the high and time lapse is just so insanely long and intense.
I am worried that next time, even if i set out like 18 hours to myself (not just like 12 hrs), and make sure I absolutely have nothing to do not even call my wife for 18 hours. I still fear that these bad thought loops will come back despite knowing in my head i have ample time to come down, it will just make me go crazier thinking about time passing to sober up.
Any thoughts guys and girls?
Maybe only trip with friends, or just set out way more alone time to ensure comedown period (or does that create more time to go paranoid)?