op can i ask how old you are?
subjectively speaking, I've always been an extremely tactile and affable individual who needs regular social interaction.
Whether by nature or nurture, specifically i guess i've always suffered from a craving for affirmation and acceptance.
Personally i found adolescence challenging and despite being perceived as gregarious at the best of times, and over-confident at the worst, the real truth of the matter was that i just felt fucking awkward and consistently anxious and introspective. This manifested itself an a range of absurd behaviour ranging from deliberately causing havoc to get noticed, to kicking off at school, to blurting out rubbish and going though extremes of addiction, fashion and music taste and makin a bit of a tit out of myself at times. over confidence merely as over-compensation for insecurities.
It wasn't 'till early twenties that i found myself a little more confident and capable and realised a few insightful tautologies.
1) You'll come by sincere, lasting, rewarding, loyal, like-minded, compassionate and dedicated friendships very rarely in life if the truth be told.
Whilst i have many acquaintances and friendships, I can count my dear friends who have stayed in regular contact with for the past 20 years since school.
My point is, be patient. Friends will come and go as you learn and grow. Don't stress about talking to everyone, maybe your not that kind of person, but it's not a bad thing, a couple of my good friends are very reserved and quiet, but thats a beautiful trait nonethless.
Most people are idiots man, your'e not missing much! haha
2) A friend will help you move, a good friend will help you move a body.
3) Socialise with consideration and calculation to increase the probability of meeting like-minded individuals who represent statistically better potential for friendships. Find out what you like, what youre passionate about, and socialise in those circles. Be it a particular music genre, a sport, a club or society, food drink, a common interest whatever that may be. This way you don't need to think of something random to say or use shock tactics or cheap cigarette tricks, because conversation will more naturally arise due to shared subject matter, taking the pressure off, and giving you more chance of finding people who you are more likely to get on with. also, by doing this its much easier to arrange the second meet because of scheduled events, "so you comin to DJ blah blah blah next week?" or "see you at next weeks Alchoholics anonymous....err..what was your name again?" etc
4) Don't underestimate the power of a carefully regulated couple of pints.
Alchohol, in moderation, is an excellent social lubricant, and has been responsible for getting ugly people laid for generations.
Too much and you'll fuck it up, but when your finding your feet and beggining to socialise in more adult situations, the old "dutch courage" from a couple of glasses of wine or a double flaming sambuca works wonders to calm your anxiety.
5) Manners are very important, and will get you a long way in the popularity ratings, even if youre not a cool, witty, loquatious, articulate, handsome social butterfly.
people will remember you and speak highly of you as you'll quickly gain their trust.
smile, be a gentleman, treat women courteously, don't be aggressive, don't get caught up in bravado, be generous, honest and considerate.
compliment people tastefully, give up your chair, buy a round of drinks, make the occasional sacrifice, agree to disagree, be benevolent, chivalrous, self-effacing ad altruistic as much as is humanly possible. - this is far more worthwhile than being the life and soul of the party with your cunning lingustics and witticisms.
6) Try to maintain positive and patient, don't force confidence. Or try not to try too hard anyway!
I utterly empathise with the desire for affirmation, I myself have been idiotic and a tad desperate in my past, but it aint necessary.
There'll be plenty of opportunities to make friends and you'll get better and more relaxed as time goes on.
It doesn't matter if youre a bit awkward, it's a far more desirable trait than being an arrogant attention seeker, a monotonous golf-playing geography teaching drone, a master of mediocrity, or a gutter-mouthed slinger of absurd verbal arse-water.
7) When you're searching love or friendship actively, it is often ironically elusive.
Be confident in the knowledge that most of the lasting companions come when your least expecting it - I met my wife at the laundromat!
8) You have to know yourself completely before you can truly know anyone else.
It takes time to become truly self aware, it only comes though experience!
Every year from 15 to 25 you will look back even 6 months ago and think, what a naive twat I was!
The purpose of realising this is again, a reliever of immediate apprehension to some extent.
You'll find that as you come to know your traits, good and bad, gain life experiences, go through a variety of ups and downs, become more self aware, financially and mentally stable, independent, gain achievements, discover your interests, what kind of person youre compatible with, what traits in others your respect, what traits are tolerable, what traits will wind you up in the end etc
When you know yourself, you'll more easily and confidently be able to spot others who youre more likely to get on with and thus have less fear of being awkward.
So chill, basically.
9) you are youre own unique and incredible genetic jackpot winner!
You will meet people who love you for who you are, no matter what you think of yourself.
If people shun you, ignore you, ostricize you or generally act like twats;
fuck 'em!
who gives a fuck?!
Their twats anyway.
It's their loss.
This is no reason to act like a twat yourself though, maintain your integrity.
You can learn from everybody, so respect them even if you choose not to hang out with them, they can show you how NOT to be!
Everyone is exceptional and extrodinary and beautiful in their own way.
including you. So be yourself.
You cant win everyone over, and you wouldnt want to!
10) Remember that the persistent desire for affirmation is a human characteristic present in everybody.
It's a mamallian instinct and affects us all.
Some may be conscious of it.
For some it may be more subconscious.
But it is a key factor in a huge amount of our behavioural patterns.
without exception.
Everyone deals with it in a different way.
For some they mask it with alchohol,
for some they mask it with bravado,
for some they get cosmetic surgery,
for some they buy matching furniture and quirky rubbish that "defines" them as an individual,
some claim they don't give a fuck what anyone thinks - these people usually care most in reality,
some resort to extroversion as a result,
some withdraw to pasty skinned agrophobes and play online games - though are occasionally spotted at star trek conventions,
some adopt an "alternative" and "individual" sense of music taste or fashion (goth or emo or similar) - they ironically claim to "rebel" against fashion and are self-appointedly style-nonchalant and proud of it (though all their mates tend to look like them, speak like them and hang out at the same spots being "individual" as a group!)
some spend time and effort trying to help random people on the net and spread the love - apparently altruistic but secretly they harbour a desperate desire that someone will post something like;
"^this"
or
"dj 303 +1"
or
"best post ever"
or maybe just
"thanks that was really helpful"
(woohoo! somebody thinks im helpful and wise, i've helped someone! maybe now, just for a minute, I can pretend i'm cool, maybe karma is like credit and that way i might in the future be able to forgive myself and forget about that time i deepthroated that quadroplegic down syndrome girl with no legs and big tits!)
still, its better to try and help people and get your snippetts of self assurity by making an effort to help as best as you can,
cause for the most part,
even here at BL,
many people will just flame or troll or write unhelpful unfunny and unkind nonsense.
For those folks lacking the social skills, devoid of integrity, or incapable of insight;
a flood of angry and outraged reactions is better than no reaction at all!
which is why they aren't out making real friends!
but still we love them as they only serve to make the worthy even worthier,
like diamonds in a mound of shite....
thats all from me.
im off to spin in Tokyo tonight, must choose my weapons of mass dance action!
DJ
