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How to approach/talk to people without being Awkward..

cire113

cire113

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 17, 2004
Messages
1,730
Ok So I've decided I need to start facing my fears/problems... I have serious anxiety about approaching and talking to people in general..

I'm pretty sure I dont have social anxiety just REALLY REALLY shy... or maybe its both.. Idk;


Im really friendly,funny, and i know Im a very like able person...

But i have extreme problems with just breaking conversation approaching/breaking conversation with ANYONE..

Does anyone please have any help advice opinion for me?

Also I feel awkward in these situations..


pffffttttt
 
first find something in common to talk about

school, work, sports team whatever

then make sure you keep the conversation going w/o awkward pauses. if you feel it going badly make up somekind excuse " well its been nice talking to you but i gotta go pickup my friend from work" whatever, it really doesn't matter
 
Just blurt out something embarrassing... Seriously though just act confident and like your into/enjoying the conversation and there will be nothing awkward about it(except you thinking its awkward:p;)) Once you break the ice/gain the social skills talking to/approaching people is easy. Another tip if you don't give a fuck about anyones opinions about you then it won't matter even if your approach is awkward or weird, you'll just be being yourself.
 
I have/had, kinda/sorta still have that problem

I found a non-permanent solution in stimulants, but its something you'll have to work on, just put yourself in the situations you fear more often and the more you get used to it the less you'll notice being shy.
 
I try to make the conversation as awkward as possible... If it's an attractive young woman I'm trying to talk to, then I like to kick off the conversation by asking her to take a seat... (and then I take my glasses off and stick my face out...)
 
It is only awkward if you or the other person deem it so.

You will--with practice--find your way to folks that will appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer.

:)
 
If you're in a bar, take an ice cube up to her, smash it and say "Now that i've broken the ice, how about we head to my place?"
 
The way to not be awkward is to not care about being awkward. Awkwardness is a learned feeling that you can choose not to feel. People from other cultures (most other?) cultures don't even understand what it is if you try to explain.
 
pseudononamouse said:
People from other cultures (most other?) cultures don't even understand what it is if you try to explain.
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Give me just three minutes, three minutes, alone in a room with those people and I promise you that they will know the feeling...

EDIT: That's actually really interesting. And I'm just kidding, of course, a little bit... sort of...
 
If it was as easy as to simply "not care" then don't you think everybody would be able to dismiss the feelings with this apparent ease and awkwardness wouldn't exist?

Don't get me wrong, i totally understand what you are saying but it's just not that simple for many.
 
umm well thanks for the jokes and couple good pieces of advice.. anyone have anything else serious to contribute? :/
 
Idk, it just depends on where you want to meet people really. if you go to bars/clubs im sure lots of people want to talk and chill with you. if its people that your introduced to by friends and such, its just up to you to want to make a good impression, say whats on your mind.. complimenting someones style will make them like you in general. If its girl troubles... shit dude, man up and go get what will make you happy. i have the same problem and i just look for the girls that talk alot, because drugs have made my mind run in circles. just remember that there will be people who dont want to talk/like you, its just about getting back up after youve been knocked down.

btw i think the dif imo of social anxiety and shyness is when you have anxiety you are scared to be in social situations. if your shy you just dont have much to say but your comfortable and you shouldnt think less of yourself because of it. honestly, most people ive met dont care that i dont say much. I am a nice person and i know what i bring to groups of people.
 
The answer is practice. There were serious answers man. Confidence comes from trial and error. There's no tips that will substitute for real experience.

That said, try not to care too much. Getting too wrapped up in an individual person makes you more likely to overthink things IMO.
 
I was at cicis today. I was with a friend. Well the woman taking care of us looked really young and was drop dead gorgeous. I thought about thos post, and it took me some time to get the courage, but I went for it.

"so whats your name?"

she told me, i paused a little, and dove in

"do you want to hang out sometime?"

she respectfully declined and showed me the ring. It doesnt matter though because I did it, felt great.
 
Man, I have this same problem. I just can never think of anything to talk about. It's weird. I mean I know a lot about a lot of things (not to sound full of myself or anything, but it's true. I just know a lot of things.) but I just don't know what to talk about. Any suggestions of good "generic" conversation topics?
 
i have a hard time talking to people too. not because i dont know what to talk about but more on the awkward side of things. i bungle my words when im nervous. sometimes when i go to break the ice ill mix words up, "how's evening the evening?" or "haha im doing pretty high time, ya know, *incoherent mumbling* ha yea."
i get a lot of interesting responses and i can tell the other person is a bit thrown off by my retarded babbled so i tend to just want to skip the whole mess.

ive asked for advice and people just tend to give me examples on what to talk about, that i need to talk to more people and ive tried these things but nothing seems to help the overwhelming experience of awkwardness.
 
Yeah it is kinda weird if it's just an open plane of people chilling and smoking cigarettes because I don't smoke cigs. In the main courtyard in my college I'd like to talk to so many girls and groups of cool people, but I'm still feeling it out, and haven't really approached too many people. When I'm drinking or looking for weed/stoned, then I'll have an easier time just chilling with people that are just kinda standing around/partying outside the college itself. But I seem to be less shy about starting conversations with actual kids in my classes or in bars. I just want to develop my nerves when hanging around in the courtyard area because all kinds of people walk through there and chill, and it's like the stoners/girls/musicians central, which is awesome. The semester is still young though, I just gotta make it a habit of opening my mouth and saying a few things, nothing stupid, to the boys and girls I think seem cool in that area. It's easy to rationalize not talking to them at times because I have classes, people already seem to be set in their circles a bit, idk. It's just one of those hurdles I need to get over.
 
CoffeeDrinker said:
Yeah it is kinda weird if it's just an open plane of people chilling and smoking cigarettes because I don't smoke cigs. In the main courtyard in my college I'd like to talk to so many girls and groups of cool people, but I'm still feeling it out, and haven't really approached too many people. When I'm drinking or looking for weed/stoned, then I'll have an easier time just chilling with people that are just kinda standing around/partying outside the college itself. But I seem to be less shy about starting conversations with actual kids in my classes or in bars. I just want to develop my nerves when hanging around in the courtyard area because all kinds of people walk through there and chill, and it's like the stoners/girls/musicians central, which is awesome. The semester is still young though, I just gotta make it a habit of opening my mouth and saying a few things, nothing stupid, to the boys and girls I think seem cool in that area. It's easy to rationalize not talking to them at times because I have classes, people already seem to be set in their circles a bit, idk. It's just one of those hurdles I need to get over.
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Hey bro, I got the perfect thing for you. Buy a pack of cigarettes. don't smoke them. Use them as a social tool. If you see a chick in the smoking area that looks like she needs a cigarette, your in. Then why she asks why you aren't smoking one too, either say you already smoked one, or that a friend gave you this pack that was trying to quit.

That will totally break the ice and open a world of limitless conversation.
 
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