I'm in my mid twenties, I've made a lot of money in my life, then I lost a lot of money. I've been through a lot, but we all have. I used to think money was everything, and that's probably because that's how society has trained us. Once I made it, I was still unhappy. I was patching up my unhappiness with opiates, weed, Xanax, GHB, and cocaine. I realized that the drugs weren't good for me, so I would stop, travel around the world, be clean, and come back home to be a drug addict again. It didn't help that my brother and my mother abused drugs as well.
"Why am I doing this?" I asked myself. "Because, I'm escaping....Well, why the fuck do I need to escape?" It made me realize that we don't do drugs because we like to do them. We do it to tolerate our unhappiness in life; the unhappiness of not fulfilling our purpose. I was on a see saw for a long time going back and forth coming on and off of drugs, but the REASON why I was doing drugs never changed which is why it always led back to it. I now dedicate my life to fulfilling my purpose and having faith in what I do; no amount of money will make me happy, all I want to do is be with people and help them. That's my purpose. I am here for all of you, this is the fuel that keeps me going in life and keeps me off of drugs. My occupation served no one but me before, and the life I previously lead required me to be rather private, which goes against my purpose. I can honestly say that I would rather be poor and happy; where as before with my ego it was "get rich or die trying." Wow.
I want to go a little bit into the background about just how much we escape, because I think the awareness is the foundation of recovery: So, what's the first drug we're introduced to in our lives?
Cigarettes...Alcohol....Advil?
Nope.
Try Television. Yes, TV. Why do I say this? Because it is the first form of escape that a lot of us experience, yet we don't realize it. You have to do homework? Screw it, turn on the tube and zone out. This started a pattern in our lives of not facing the music, and we later mimic that pattern with drugs. Now the computer is a huge form of escape. Just be aware, when you turn on the TV, take drugs, go on your computer, just say to yourself "I am consciously zoning out, I am aware of my actions." Doing this has been crucial. We do drugs because we don't want do do/face something else. That is all a drug does.
Now that I'm off of drugs, how do I fight the cravings?
I meditate, and I try to do it at least 3x a day. The Muslims were on to something with their frequency of prayer, and it's now that I understand that. Human beings have VERY short memories/attention span, it's just how we're designed. There are so many distractions out there that we forget what is important and we constantly need to remind ourselves. By prayer/meditation I can ground myself and I literally feel high after each prayer. I'm not some religious nut job, I don't follow any religion, but I do believe in God and I know that "grounding" myself works because it reminds me of my greater purpose in life as well as the beauty in it.
Another thing is to exercise! We were meant to hike twenty miles a day and hunt for the saber tooth tiger, so get off your ass and sweat! This along with eating healthy will start to make you feel great.
Being clean takes discipline. It's not easy but life is not supposed to be easy. This is just another test that we face in our lives to make us stronger as people. We will always be "addicts" but that is a GREAT THING because now if we stray from our routine the suffering we face is not going to be subtle and we're aware of that. Stick to the plan and look at this as a blessing. Once you find your purpose and stick to a routine you will feel like your body is a feather powered by a rocket. I'm sorry guys, I'm not the best writer in the world, I haven't really written anything too extensive in about 8 years, so I know my thoughts are scattered, but I will work on it.
"Why am I doing this?" I asked myself. "Because, I'm escaping....Well, why the fuck do I need to escape?" It made me realize that we don't do drugs because we like to do them. We do it to tolerate our unhappiness in life; the unhappiness of not fulfilling our purpose. I was on a see saw for a long time going back and forth coming on and off of drugs, but the REASON why I was doing drugs never changed which is why it always led back to it. I now dedicate my life to fulfilling my purpose and having faith in what I do; no amount of money will make me happy, all I want to do is be with people and help them. That's my purpose. I am here for all of you, this is the fuel that keeps me going in life and keeps me off of drugs. My occupation served no one but me before, and the life I previously lead required me to be rather private, which goes against my purpose. I can honestly say that I would rather be poor and happy; where as before with my ego it was "get rich or die trying." Wow.
I want to go a little bit into the background about just how much we escape, because I think the awareness is the foundation of recovery: So, what's the first drug we're introduced to in our lives?
Cigarettes...Alcohol....Advil?
Nope.
Try Television. Yes, TV. Why do I say this? Because it is the first form of escape that a lot of us experience, yet we don't realize it. You have to do homework? Screw it, turn on the tube and zone out. This started a pattern in our lives of not facing the music, and we later mimic that pattern with drugs. Now the computer is a huge form of escape. Just be aware, when you turn on the TV, take drugs, go on your computer, just say to yourself "I am consciously zoning out, I am aware of my actions." Doing this has been crucial. We do drugs because we don't want do do/face something else. That is all a drug does.
Now that I'm off of drugs, how do I fight the cravings?
I meditate, and I try to do it at least 3x a day. The Muslims were on to something with their frequency of prayer, and it's now that I understand that. Human beings have VERY short memories/attention span, it's just how we're designed. There are so many distractions out there that we forget what is important and we constantly need to remind ourselves. By prayer/meditation I can ground myself and I literally feel high after each prayer. I'm not some religious nut job, I don't follow any religion, but I do believe in God and I know that "grounding" myself works because it reminds me of my greater purpose in life as well as the beauty in it.
Another thing is to exercise! We were meant to hike twenty miles a day and hunt for the saber tooth tiger, so get off your ass and sweat! This along with eating healthy will start to make you feel great.
Being clean takes discipline. It's not easy but life is not supposed to be easy. This is just another test that we face in our lives to make us stronger as people. We will always be "addicts" but that is a GREAT THING because now if we stray from our routine the suffering we face is not going to be subtle and we're aware of that. Stick to the plan and look at this as a blessing. Once you find your purpose and stick to a routine you will feel like your body is a feather powered by a rocket. I'm sorry guys, I'm not the best writer in the world, I haven't really written anything too extensive in about 8 years, so I know my thoughts are scattered, but I will work on it.
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