How have drugs changed your life and shaped you into the person you are today?

[raizanthelostone]

Guess I'll start !

Drug use gave me Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Depression (was already depressed but it made it worse) and turned me into a person who used drugs as a means to banish them emotions and find some feeling of happiness. I now struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, HPPD and hallucinations (of people at random occurrences). It effected my life by making me more isolated, broke, damaging relationships with friends and my sports coach and attempts at pursuing a professional sporting ambition of mine, adding stress to my relationship, and left me in a very bad mental state that transitioned from being suicidal to a state where I was so scared of dying that I'd have panic attacks that I have to deal with daily, especially trying to come back down to reality after being in a state where I was 'somewhere else' for so long. That long hard drop back to reality was probably the hardest experience I ever faced. The plus side? I am more enlightened and am a much wiser person for it, I don't fully have my emotions under control but slowly by slowly I am gaining control of my life and getting my shit together and am on the journey to recovery.

But yeah, share share share ! I'm curious to see how its shaped other peoples lives too! Whether it be negative or positive.

 

[JessFR]

More than anything else it's the experiences related to drug use that have influenced who I am.

I've noticed more than a few times that I'm far more tolerant and understanding of thieves and Criminals and drug addicts generally than most people. No doubt because I've both done that kinda stuff and been friends with lots of others who have too. And all of that was cause of drugs.

I'd like to think it's one of the things to have made me a more empathetic person.

Though it's probably not entirely a good thing. I often find I just can't relate to normal mainstream people. I probably had problems with that to start with for other reasons but my experiences using have likely made it worse. It frequently feels like nothing ordinary people talk about or do has any weight to it. That it just doesn't matter and I've got nothing to say about it.

People often reply to this by saying there's no such thing as normal. And there is some truth to that kind of thinking. But there is certainly people who concern themselves with seeming normal and there's more and less normal than others. So while almost nobody may meet the ideal of what normal is thought to mean it's still a legitimate concept.

I'd probably have more to say as a result of the actual drug using if I were someone more into psychedelics but its never been my thing. I'm a heroin addict and hard drug user generally.

Likewise those kinds of people still often feel like where I'm most in my element cause we think alike. Have shared experiences. Both as a result of our drug use and reasons for that use. I find I have trouble relating to normal people I guess.

 

[Tubbs]

They showed me that running from your problems usually makes them a Lot worse. I lost literally everything I cared about, they also showed me that most people are capable of doing horrible things, and made me skeptical of most people

 

[mrburns86]

I could of written exactly what you did, minus some personal details of your life. Drugs and alcohol saved me from my depression, gave me lots of fun times. But at the same time destroyed any chance of being a thriving, normal human being.

 

[cyberius]

Brought out latent psychotic symptoms and cynicism and increased my confidence and aggression

(Really erased my empathy )

 

[JoeTheStoner]

i have no idea what the life of a non drug addict is like, like my mind every day is constantly thinking about getting high. i want it to be focused on other healthy, productive things. it's a mind thing, i know i'll get it right i really only learn one way... the long and hard way =/

 

[stillkickin]

The two biggest things that come to mind have already been posted. It's changed me massively for the better as far as being a completely different person when it comes to empathy for all walks of life. It gave me insight into a lot of my actions before I started abusing. I was always running from traumatic shit whereas I could "handle" it under the influence. After countless attempts at removing them have I found the work that I have to and am actively working on putting into my life for my well being.

DOC: Opiates, but pretty chronic past use of benzos and cannabis

As far as the negatives. I think most go without saying once reading my go to substances. It did force an end to a relationship that I'm happy I'm no longer in despite the residual effects of losing a 9 year relationship and 4 year marriage I went all in on. Was only on opiates the last couple years but I went 10 fold in after the split. That was 5 years ago and I've been working on it ever since. I'm currently days off opiates and able to function while far from comfortable. I've been chipping for months now with a fairly consistent lowering amount.

 

[MrRoot]

After doing opiates a lot and then going into ORT along with DBT and CBT I have learned to accept stuff as it happens. Before I was running away from my problems by doing oxycodone and benzos but currently I am contempt with my life although it isn’t the dream life some might want.

I am quite sure that unless I wouldn’t have got addicted I wouldn’t be the person I am now and I truly believe that my life is actually better now than what it was before the addiction since I can accept life as it is and actually deal with my problems.

Also I am sure I wouldn’t have met my SO unless I would have met another person while in rehab.

Sometimes shit needs to happen until you can get into the paradise of your own.

 

[Xorkoth]

My drug use, which has included healthy drug use and severe addiction, has certainly shaped who I am today. There was a point in my addiction where I felt that opiates had destroyed me, ruined my life. And they had, temporarily. But I finally managed to get past that after 10 years, and I mhave grown so much as a result of it. I understand what I have in my life without an all-consuming addiction, I appreciate it so much. I realized that the addiction was just one part of a life I generally was not living the right way. I started pursuing my passions more and I became a lot more confident. Drugs also led to the ending of my marriage, which was a huge blessing in disguise as dealing with that toxicity was the main reason I became so badly addicted in the first place.

I don't know how my life would have unfolded differently without having experienced (and recovered from) opiate addiction, but I am thankful for how my life has unfolded now, and my addiction was a big part of my life.

Besides the addiction, my use of psychedelics has profoundly changed my entire outlook and perception of what life even is. I would, for sure, be a much different person, in a negative way, if I hadn't had some of my psychedelic experiences.

 

[MrRoot]

How the heck there can be a lot of men who have been in a toxic relationship which partly has led them to use opiates to cope with it and when they try to overcome their addiction they end their relationship?

 

[Ziiirp]

My drug use, which has included healthy drug use and severe addiction, has certainly shaped who I am today. There was a point in my addiction where I felt that opiates had destroyed me, ruined my life. And they had, temporarily. But I finally managed to get past that after 10 years, and I mhave grown so much as a result of it. I understand what I have in my life without an all-consuming addiction, I appreciate it so much. I realized that the addiction was just one part of a life I generally was not living the right way. I started pursuing my passions more and I became a lot more confident. Drugs also led to the ending of my marriage, which was a huge blessing in disguise as dealing with that toxicity was the main reason I became so badly addicted in the first place.

I don't know how my life would have unfolded differently without having experienced (and recovered from) opiate addiction, but I am thankful for how my life has unfolded now, and my addiction was a big part of my life.

Besides the addiction, my use of psychedelics has profoundly changed my entire outlook and perception of what life even is. I would, for sure, be a much different person, in a negative way, if I hadn't had some of my psychedelic experiences.

Awesome post. If you have a drug habit, that transits over a long term inter-relationship struggle, it most likely will get out of control. But sometimes I think : "Who knows, perhaps I would have hurt myself, if it weren't for the (mostly herbal) aids".
Everything happens for a reason, one has to agitate that reason.

 

[JessFR]

I'm often asked if I regret ever trying heroin. I say no, I don't really think about it at all. The reasons for my eventually trying heroin were established long before I tried it and as far as I'm concerned everything that wound up happening was pretty much only a matter of time. There are many things I do regret, but I see little point in regretting something I see as inevitable.

 

[theatheathea]

I think it has affected me negatively in some ways, but doing speed gave me confidence which has made me realize I don't have a bad memory, I just doubt myself SO much that I think I must not remember right. So now when I am sober, I am starting to speak my mind more often and I tend to be right about a lot of things that I doubted in the past.

I also believe the negative affects of addiction added with many parts of my life has made me become more empathetic. Which I notice with a lot of my other friends who have experienced addiction or traumas.

 

[Jabberwocky]

If there's one positive result of my addiction, it's the fact that it has enabled me to understand and empathize with others who share similar situations.

For years I resented my father for "choosing alcohol over me". Now that I have experienced how strong the pull of those cravings can be, I am finally learning to forgive him.

 

[zephyr]

i have no idea what the life of a non drug addict is like, like my mind every day is constantly thinking about getting high. i want it to be focused on other healthy, productive things. it's a mind thing, i know i'll get it right i really only learn one way... the long and hard way =/

Thats a valid point. I was a str8edge teenager and early adult. If I had not have gone down the drug road I would be better off financially but would not be likely to be happier. Its too hard to think what the alternate would have been like.

 

[Xorkoth]

How the heck there can be a lot of men who have been in a toxic relationship which partly has led them to use opiates to cope with it and when they try to overcome their addiction they end their relationship?

It's because relationships, when they're bad, especially when they're abusive, are one of the biggest sources of pain in life.