How do you tell someone to cough up their phlegm?

[moonyham]

This is driving me a little bonkers. It probably shouldn't but I thought maybe if I just throw this out there, someone might have a bit of advice.

Basically an in law of mine got covid(along with the rest of us) and is the only one to not recover. They also are the only one that seems to not understand the concept of coughing up phlegm. They simply 'clear their throat' with a 'polite' little 'hi-hi-hmm' every 30 seconds. They are buying all these random fucking medications and syrups and other shit and its been 3 weeks. They are constantly doing this. Now this person is a very 'feeble' quiet catholic woman who takes everything you say as an assault. However they are important to my partner, and seeing this person prolong their illness out of some weird refusal to act human is just fucking insane.

Now you might think maybe I'm just being weird or don't know the full story. Its possible. But I've had to live with this person/family for the last month.. they literally refuse to 'draw up' this crap out of their lungs. I am in the room next to the shower. As much as I don't like hearing someone force phlegm out of their throat, she literally is the only person who doesn't and hasn't done this through our covid experience. I feel weird for even knowing this but we've all had to live in close proximity going through covid and shes been home a lot more because of this. Its basically some weak ass fake/polite cough or a half ass throat clearing that obviously isn't working and isn't adequate.

I won't have to live in this situation much longer, thankfully its just a very temporary thing. And I know I notice weird shit and am bothered by things I probably shouldnt be. But I just don't get it. I feel like shaking her and screaming GET IT OUT. JUST COUGH PROPERLY. GO TO THE SHOWER AND DRAW THAT SHIT UP MAKE ALL SORTS OF HORRIBLE NOISES WE DON'T CARE JUST DO IT!!!!! Listening to her constantly clearing her throat.. you can literally hear the chunks of shit she needs to simply push out??!?!?!

I make it a religious habit to do this every morning when I shower regardless of being sick. Any bits of crap in my throat are gone, I breath clearly, I don't cough or have to clear my throat for the day. Oddly enough I never really get sick, its always super mild(including covid) and I do think this has some kind of positive effect in this. She.. just suffers. Refuses to cough. Lets all this phlegm sit in her throat and irritate her constantly. Can't breath clearly.. just.. suffers? why? I don't get it.

I was sitting here trying to think of how I could possibly bring this up without her freaking out but I'm pretty sure its impossible. I don't know. Would I be out of line to just burst out with "Hey do you ever draw up your phlegm? You partially clear you throat a lot, why don't you just properly clear it?". Oh fuck just thinking of saying that, would result in her spiraling into a defensive spree of crazy shit denial or whatever.

Am I just missing something entirely? Is this some kind of phobia or fear or some other mental thing I haven't considered? I'm just so confused why someone would live like this.

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

"Hey dude, hock a loogey. You'll feel better!"

 

[S.J.B.]

One's mileage may vary. I've had throat pain for years associated with compulsive throat clearing, and only recently I've been able to gain control of the compulsion. Now I try never to clear my throat and I feel a lot better.

 

[moonyham]

One's mileage may vary. I've had throat pain for years associated with compulsive throat clearing, and only recently I've been able to gain control of the compulsion. Now I try never to clear my throat and I feel a lot better.

Interesting. I have noticed over the years that she did this 'h-h-hmm' thing but only now and then. Noticeable enough though. But since this covid thing its like.. gone into overdrive. Every 30 seconds I'm not even joking. You know shes near when you hear it. Like a bell on a cats collar. I almost feel like everyone is too scared to just pull her up on it? You are making me think its almost like a mental/anxiety/tick type thing. Its so confusing to me. In my family, in my circles. We just say anything? Nothing is off limits, people don't get crazy defensive.. you just talk. The kind of people that when you explain pissing on your feet in the shower is an awesome way to stave off foot fungus, they tell you next time you see them in an excited way bro its actually working haha. Thats my people. I guess I feel so out of place because normally im in an environment where I am respected and people are willing to hear what I have to say.. but here it is 100% not the case.

I pulled her up on the fact that a lot of their plates/bowls/dishes are lead coated old stuff that you really shouldn't use let alone microwave. My partner even sent her an article with her exact bakeware that is super toxic and its almost like she has started microwaving these lead dishes MORE. Specifically using the dishes in that article more than I've ever seen used!! I kind of joked early on that maybe she has lead poisoning and that is why shes so hard to deal with but now I'm starting to think it might be real.

Oh fuck I need to get out of this crazy house.

 

[S.J.B.]

You are making me think its almost like a mental/anxiety/tick type thing.

I think there is definitely a psychogenic aspect to it. I did more of a silent, forceful throat clearing instead of the "ahem" thing usually associated with throat clearing, but it's the same trigger: the feeling of a lump in the throat that you feel you need to get rid of. But actually you don't need to. Probably most people have the "lump" to some extent and don't notice or care.

While the issue became self-sustaining for me for psychogenic reasons, it was also triggered my a physical stimulus, which was rhinitis caused by excessive intranasal drug use.