• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

How Do You Tell a Woman Her Weight Is an Issue Concerning Attraction?

F

ForSLR_Please

Guest
First, I'm sorry to offend anyone here. That is not my intention.

How do you tell a woman her weight is an issue concerning attraction?

My issue:
I recently starting casually dating a girl (I'm a guy). We click. I love spending time with her and talking with her. Her face is beautiful and sexy. She's amazing - AMAZING - in bed. She's obese.

Her body is a major turn off. I focus on her face, the natural chemistry between us, and how good she is when we're together physically.

I want to be visually turned on by who I am with. I don't want to feel small when I try to spoon them.

If this girl lost weight, she'd be absolutely stunning and an amazing girlfriend. The fact I can ignore the weight this far is proof alone of this.

I want to be honest with her, for her own sake, and I believe she deserves honesty in general.

As a small aside, I'm embarrassed to be seen with her. Yes, I know it's a jerk and self-conscious move, but it's still an issue and any advice would be helpful.
 
take up healthy exercises together
start by going on hikes, then go jogging, both of u sign up for a gym

tell her u need her for motivation so she'll come along with you

idk if u live together but changing diets is always helpful
 
There is no gentle way to say this without hurting her feelings in some way. If you're just casually dating and not in a committed relationship, consider not seeing her so much. She probably has no idea that you find her an embarrassment to be seen with. Ouch, that would hurt!
 
there's nothing that really needs to be said

pretty sure she knows that she's obese.

If you are making a long-term commitment with her, sure you can say things like "we're going to get healthy together..." be active together, eat healthy, etc... etc..
She might get slightly more fit after a lot of effort.
It is unlikely that she will be able to make a big change to her appearance.

She sounds like she makes an effort in the relationship, and she's good in bed.

If her weight is a turn-off now, find someone else who isn't obese.
 
Might be better to find someone else instead of trying to mold her into what you want.
 
only way not to be an ass while offering criticism is to lead people towards what you want.

lead her towards a healthy lifestyle (food, and exercise) and if she follows she will slim down.

making a healthy diner for you both (and moderating portions) is better than saying don't eat another bucket of chicken.

taking her on a hike is better than saying you need to hit the gym you cow.
 
Lol, the only reason you got her is because she's obese. Maybe you should look in the mirror as well.

Anyhow, like someone said above--exercise together! Maybe a for you gym membership and tell her how you want to get more in shape but want her to go with you for support. :) Or you could buy a workout DVD like insanity (which is badass btw) and tell her to work out with you (for motivation). It's always good to have a work-out partner. Also, plan lots of outside/active dates-- hiking, beach, mountain biking.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Lol, the only reason you got her is because she's obese. Maybe you should look in the mirror as well.

Anyhow, like someone said above--exercise together! Maybe a for you gym membership and tell her how you want to get more in shape but want her to go with you for support. :) Or you could buy a workout DVD like insanity (which is badass btw) and tell her to work out with you (for motivation). It's always good to have a work-out partner. Also, plan lots of outside/active dates-- hiking, beach, mountain biking.
Click to expand...

lmao
 
imo, as a woman who has read a lot of body image related stuff, id say...accept her for who she is. it doesnt matter if she doesnt fit societys beauty standards, you just listed a bunch of reasons why you liked her and is that not enough? weight doesnt determine anything about someones worth or value, it shouldnt affect how you feel people are going to percieve you? some people dont like to exercise. their choice, and they shouldnt be shamed, as long as theyre not hurting anyone. also she may have a health reason as to why shes obese, and i know people that excuse but its true. obviously this may sound very rainbows and unicorns sort of advice, but hey you wouldnt like it if someone thought the same about you. hearing that from you, she probably will not want to continue dating you, i say that because i know a lot of women who broke up with men who made such comments about their body.
 
How obese are we talking here? Like....50 lbs overweight or 200? Because if she is ridiculously overweight, then she has a self-control problem which requires not only getting healthy, but also seeing a therapist. Everyone else is right...try and do healthy things with her. If she refuses, then you should find someone else....because then the weight isn't the only issue....your lifestyles just aren't compatible.
 
I've seen some fatties react very badly to being told that they need to lose weight.

then, guess what? They go and lose weight and talk about how great it is. Imagine that. It's like, you aren't allowed to talk about the giant squid in the room, how dare you acknowledge it.

Just tell her. There is no way to do this without at least lightly offending her. Telll her how much you look forward to it. How you want to help. Ect.
 
animal mother said:
i've seen some fatties react very badly to being told that they need to lose weight.

Then, guess what? They go and lose weight and talk about how great it is. Imagine that. It's like, you aren't allowed to talk about the giant squid in the room, how dare you acknowledge it.
Click to expand...

zing! :)
 
One thing I miss about living in China is that people will tell you that you're too fat, right to your face. Our culture shouldn't be so backward that you can't say the honest truth about your lack of physical attraction to someone's weight, but the sad truth is that it is.

But yeah... maybe speaking the truth will entice them to change? Either way, waiting around for someone to change on your behalf can get really frustrating. You're better off finding someone you're more attracted to, if thinness matters.
 
You know, I personally have been fat, and I have been thin. Right now I am about average, but I am in good shape. Physical attraction is very important, but I will say that the type of chemistry you describe with this girl is not that easy to find.

Sometimes I get slightly embarrassed to be seen with my husband in public because I am a very put together person and he tends to dress rather sloppily and his hair always looks like it needs to be cut, but ultimately these are very superficial things and I realize this. It doesn't mean that I don't want him to change...I do. But if he never does I am satisfied because our relationship goes much deeper than the physical.

All I am saying is that it can be rare to make a true connection with another person. If you start doing things to promote health and weightloss, she will probably make an attempt to get on board. I think it is worth a shot, myself....
 
Corazon said:
there's nothing that really needs to be said

pretty sure she knows that she's obese.
Click to expand...

She probably knows already.

MikeRWK said:
Might be better to find someone else instead of trying to mold her into what you want.
Click to expand...

Exactly. If you aren't happy with her, find someone else. She'll find someone else too. You said she's pretty amazing... she'll find someone else who thinks the exact same thing about her but also loves her weight.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Lol, the only reason you got her is because she's obese. Maybe you should look in the mirror as well.
Click to expand...

I cringed a bit when I read that but it's probably true. Women tend to have a very good sense of what type of guy they can attract and each will try to top out based on their finest physical attribute.

I've seen very average looking women with tight, small bodies and they can pretty much pick any guy they want out of a crowd. Guys are dumb. We all want the same damn thing.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top