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Advice How do you get gf to tell the truth?

Nicklazz

Nicklazz

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 8, 2010
Messages
1,973
So, I have found out my gf has done/(is still?) doing coke/crack while I was in jail. I got lot of proofs, she still deny. We got a kid, I will just help her out of it. She has sadly done crazy things I have heard to get the drug... its hard for me knowing other people been on her etc.. She got all the signs/I found spoons, drugs, etc, plus people talking. Please help, how do I get her to tell me the truth?

And happy new year to ya all, been a while.
 
I struggled with the same thing with my ex. I found used needles and emails from craigslist when casual encounters was still a thing. Of course she denied everything even when i shiwed her the evidence i found. Most wont admit anything unless caught in the act when they are that far gone.
Sorry you going through this. I hope you can find peace somehow.
 
She is probably feeling deep shame combined with a chemical and psychological drive to continue taking drugs, causing her to self preserve via lie.

Only full and open understanding can eradicate this IMO, and that can only start with you blth, mutually.u

I can remember when my ex-girlfriend flashed her tits for a gram of ket, and I knew the guy wanted to fuck her and this would only compound it. That was one of the two times we ever had a big argument, and that was relatively minor. The feeling of depravity for and towards her really hit me hard, so I can... somewhat at least, relate.

I guess you both basically need to trust each other, but both know that's no longer fully viable. She probably felt very lost while you were in prison, and self preservation kicked in. It's tough, but it's life. I don't know what else to say really. Only empathy, compassion, truth and her really wanting to get off drugs will really help this. Any tension will immediately trigger her to buy more... making you trust her less. That's all I can really say on the subject. Nobody should be at 'fault', there is no reason for blame unless the choice is made. And it is a choice; meditation and watching the 'thinker' is very important, for both.

Psycedelics or MDMA together can help with the openess and trust.
 
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Unfortunately you can’t just “make” someone quit drugs. They have to actively want to quit, otherwise you just force them to hide their use. Which often leads to further fallout and lack of trust.

You can help; but it has to come from the other end.
 
Nicklazz said:
how do I get her to tell me the truth?
Click to expand...
Good luck with this. If a valid answer is provided this would be a life changer for many.
May as well convince the drugs themselves to be "honest" and those who offer them. lol
Best
 
Hey @Nicklazz I hope things are going better since you last posted.

As Login said, and as many of us addicts know first hand, she's unlikely to give up unless she really wants and needs to. The pain of staying the same and all that...

If you want I can have this put in SLR as well for more answers?
 
axe battler said:
Hey @Nicklazz I hope things are going better since you last posted.

As Login said, and as many of us addicts know first hand, she's unlikely to give up unless she really wants and needs to. The pain of staying the same and all that...

If you want I can have this put in SLR as well for more answers?
Click to expand...
Yes try do that, thank you so Much.

Things are not Better, only that I Think I have to go my own ways. The worst is, She Know I can spot her signs. When we met each other I was deep in the MDPV, Many years ago. So I have been there my Self, chasing the Dragon. Sober these days
 
Good for you for cleaning yourself up @Nicklazz that's something positive at least.

But yeah, if you're cleaning up your act you can't be getting put through all this shit, on top of the fact that having a partner who uses drugs makes it harder to stay off them yourself.

It's really sad but yeah it could be wise to move on mate. Get yourself out there and meet someone better for you if you can be arsed!
 
i have moved this thread into SLR at the request of @axe battler

i can say, having been the girlfriend trying to hide the extent of my addiction from my SO, that nothing would make me tell the truth. even when it was blatantly obvious that i was lying and i knew it. all i cared about was maintaining my addiction, at the expense of all my personal relationships. the best you can do is try not to push her on it, don't say anything that will put her on the defensive as she might end up demonising you. be calm and compassionate, set boundaries to protect you and your child, and make it clear that if she wants help you will be there for her.
 
If you have a child with her, you can't ever completely go your own ways... can you?

It's best for your child for you to have the best relationship with her mother possible. You don't want to fight in front of your kid... and you don't want the mother of your child doing crack either. Right?

I'm not saying you shouldn't leave the relationship. It's hard (nigh impossible) to maintain sobriety when your partner is getting high all the time.

But, you've got to think about your kid.

Helping her fix the core of her addiction isn't easy, but it is probably worthwhile (on a selfish level) because it will make life easier for you and will mean she's a better mother.

You need to make sure she knows that you aren't going to judge her. That's why people lie and hide shit because they're afraid of being judged.

Come from a place of understanding.

Like you said, you've been there.
 
Hey @Nicklazz how's tricks? Only if you wanna share of course.

As birdup said your child will still wanna see her mother, so keep this in mind.
However I think if you were to break up it may be better as hopefully you will be mainly caring for the child, and that will be less chaotic for them.

Also leaving your partner could potentially be a bit of a wake-up call, and especially if she really wants you back.

It could also potentially make her worse, but please remember you are only responsible for you and your child.
 
I think time will arrange everything as it should. But no one will give up drugs until he wants to. Don't miss this moment if you love her! Give your child as much time as you can!
 
Hey Nick M8, greetings my Friend! You've been in Jail too?! Shit Bro, that's sad to hear,...but well, yeah, i've been there too, for one and a half years now - got right out just exactly a week ago, i'm in rehab now for another six months!

I've been on Heroin/Coke all day every day, before i went in...

All the best!
 
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